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Day 3: Need some serious insight

Day 3: Need some serious insight

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  • So I am on the third day of this journey, and already it seems hopeless. My Fiancé and I are at our last straw. she is done she says, she keeps askig me to just let her go, and honestly, about 90% of me is saying forget it, fine im done, but I have this little voice inside saying keep going, don't give up just yet. and I don't know what it is, is it my selfishness, or is it God? she is everything I ever hoped for, she makes me strive to be a better person and I cant imagine growing old with anyone else. but these last two months I have been a complete ass to her, someone who is angry and self seeking. she says so many things that kill me inside and those things make me want to burst and yell at her. but the sad thing is I know that she is right. the first day I simply told her I am going to work my butt off to save this, and I reassured her how much I love her. she was completely cold and shut off to the idea of us making it, saying she is done and wants me to leave her, just let her go. and all I could think was how do you give up on someone you love? I can't, I know that for a fact. I have forgotten to mention she Is carrying our baby, she is 3 months pregnant almost 4, so im praying some of these emotions she is feeling are being heightened by the hormones. Day two was no easier, I was supposed to do something that was an unexpected gesture, so I got her an outfit for the baby, Katie's favorite animal is an owl, and although it seems extremely cheesy, I got her/ the baby a onessie with an adorable owl on it. I know it was nothing major but I honestly can't remember the last time I thought about her and her needs instead of mine ( she is scared about not being able to support the baby and give it everthing it needs). So I thought that may help just a little. but to no avail she said she wasn't sure if she would come get it ( we are living in different houses at the moment). and today, was get her something that says I was thnking of you today, well up till last week, we were very much in contact, and I specifically remember her saying more then once that all of her clothes are getting really tight ( i am a bodybuilder and she is a physique competitor so she had form fitting clothes to begin with), so i got her a really cute mint green sundress that would give her some breathing room, i know she doesn't want maturnity clothes yet, so i thought this would be a good transition into those without screaming to the world "im getting fat", i know she isn't to thrilled about that yet. anyways, and yet again she flat out told me she didn't want it and wouldn't accept it. I am at a loss, prayers and advice please! I feel as if i cant give up on this.

  • This isn't to come across as me being harsh or judgemental.  I pray that the best happens for all three of you.  And I would suggest after this, to journal in the section under community, in the love dare journal section.  That section is read much more and you will get some good help there.

    The part that you may find yourself getting angry with me is this.   I hesitate to aid those that may be living as husband and wife, before they are married.  Preferably we would all start on the foundation in our relationships/marriages as Christ would want us to.  Etsy journaled for a while, she was not married and led a chaste relationship with her boyfriend.  

    That being said, realize this Love Dare is a journey, one between you and Christ, not you and her.  She will be used as a tool in this for Christ to mold you and teach you what love really is, not the way the world teaches to love.

    Do a dare a day, no more, no less.  Do you have the book and have you seen the movie?  

    Things will get worse between you both before it gets better.  It is to be expected.  She will see the changes in you and think why now are you changing, you should have been this way all along. And she will believe your changes are fake.  

    Stay consistent in your changing for the better.  Do not blow up like the flesh wants you to.

    You mentioned you are going to work your butt off to fix this.  Let God do the fixing.  You do the praying, and growing closer to Christ.  You can't do much to fix this really.  But if you do a dare a day, as the dare says to be done, not changing it because you are scared of her reaction, then you will see growth in you.

    You will want to give up many, many times.  Think of how many times you have sinned in your life, yet Christ who was being whipped, beaten, nailed to a cross, and tortured never said this is too hard, I quit, tim or Nick aren't worth the hurt.  So, choose to do what Christ did and love unconditionally.

  • Thank you tim , I know we haven't started this relationship off the way God intended, we had come to realize that. And the first day, after having re-watched the movie, I was still bent on me fixing this, on my own strength, even if I followed the dares. But after yesterday Ive come to realize, like you've said, all I can do on my part is the dares, to the best of my ability, but not over doing it, not bombarding her with texts or calls, I can't, it makes me sick because im afraid of her response at the moment, and it'll only push her away more. So for me, I've resolved to pray after I've completed every dare and trust that He will either work so His plan for me is fulfilled, if she is His pick for me, or that He will work on my heart and mold me into someone that can show someone else later on in the future the love I should have shown Kaitlyn. But I know one thing for sure that if I follow these dares each day, I'll be healed and remolded. My hope is that Katie and I make it through this, that she see's the changes in me and knows that it'll be the new normal for us. thank you for the insight for yesterday. I just got done calling her about 15 minutes ago, she didn't answer, as I assumed she would do, but hopefully the message I left is enough to soften her heart a little so God can have a chance at her. I can't force this anymore.

  • Concentrate on just doing a dare a day.  Preferably read the dare early in the day to give you time to pray on the dare and time to accomplish it.  Don't worry about contacting her unless the dares says to.  This will give her the space she needs.  And time for Christ to work in her.  Don't not do adare due to being afraid of her anger.  She may be venomous at times.  If the dare requires contact try to it first in person and then on the phone.  Lastly text.

    As you do the dares do not look for her reaction.  She will ignore your changes or call them fake.  This is why you need to keep your testimony consistent.  She will see your changes.  It will take time for her to trust the new you..  Remain patient.  Bite your tongue hard when you want to match her anger or lack of trying.

  • Thank you so much, I know deep in my heart God is in control and all I can do is sit back and try to get through each day with Him supporting me. The hard part for me to admit is that this is nearly all of my fault, but im certain the sooner I come to complete realization and accept what's happened and give what will happen to God, this will be a miraculous jouney for me. It sucks that it has to get worse though.

  • Praise God you see how you need Him and need to change in Him now vs years from now.

    The possibility of it getting worse has its purpose for you as well as her.  For you to be humbled so you have more of a reason to submit to Christ and learn to trust and find comfort in Him way above comfort she can provide.  And for Christ to place conviction upon her.  When its tough sometime all you can do is survive with Him just a moment at a time.  If this section of the site is best for you that's fine.  But you will get .more advice in the journal section.  Keep doing one dare a day no mater how scary it may seem.  You can do this when you lean on Him.

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