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Day 3 and she is trying as hard as she can to "Hurt me"

Day 3 and she is trying as hard as she can to "Hurt me"

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  • Sean you couldn't have been more right! I found out one week ago yesterday that my wife has been sleeping with a co-worker. I found texts on her phone where she was telling a girlfriend she was so "HORNY" for him and wanted him so bad!!!! I confronted her with this and she admitted to it. She said she is sorry she hurt me but does not feel guilty for this reason....She said that she is emotionally done with our marriage and me so in her eyes we are divorced. I told her that was unacceptable and in th eyes of the law and GOD we are married. It has been a very hard week for me...I have dropped another 10lbs. We told our kids that as soon as Mommy finds a job that Daddy is going to be moving out of the house. That was one of the worst moments in my life....EVER!

    However....I refuse to quit and give up!!! I lover her so very much!!!

    SHe told me that when I did ht eLove Dare last year it was nice for a while but it turned me into a clingy wuss and that was a big turnoff to her. I find it hard to continue with it now knowing that the Dare actually pushed her away....

  • Sean you couldn't have been more right! I found out one week ago yesterday that my wife has been sleeping with a co-worker. I found texts on her phone where she was telling a girlfriend she was so "HORNY" for him and wanted him so bad!!!! I confronted her with this and she admitted to it. She said she is sorry she hurt me but does not feel guilty for this reason....She said that she is emotionally done with our marriage and me so in her eyes we are divorced. I told her that was unacceptable and in th eyes of the law and GOD we are married. It has been a very hard week for me...I have dropped another 10lbs. We told our kids that as soon as Mommy finds a job that Daddy is going to be moving out of the house. That was one of the worst moments in my life....EVER!

    However....I refuse to quit and give up!!! I lover her so very much!!!

    SHe told me that when I did ht eLove Dare last year it was nice for a while but it turned me into a clingy wuss and that was a big turnoff to her. I find it hard to continue with it now knowing that the Dare actually pushed her away.... I looked back at my post from early on the 5th. I was right !!! That was the night she left the bar early and screwed her new man all night long!!!!!!

  • Her comments are just justification comments. Turning you into a wuss was her thinking you were weak. I assure you that it was enjoyed more than it was looked down upon. But here is the problem. Her heart was hardened and now even the best things will not be good enough.

    But what you need t remember is this journey is about you and Christ not you and your wife, you must learn how to love by the creator of that love. Without it, all it is is infatuation.

  • We went to (Pastoral) counseling today...the counselor told me I have to let her go. I can not control her and can not make her love me or want me. She said I spend all my time trying to convince my wife to stay and not hearing that she doesn't.

    I have to let go and hope she comes back. My wife tells me that she cares for me and does not want any harm to come to me but texts her girlfriends..."As soon as I get a job he is out of here!"

    I want to believe her but all she does is lie..... I need to let go and leave this to GOD...I have tried to control things too long.......I just want to be loved and cherrished!!!!!!!!!!

  • I have got to pull myself together.....It is 3AM and I am at my office because I can't sleep again. Everytime I close my eyes I see them together and my wife doing things to him...and him doing things to her. I can't get it out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am getting weak...I got up in the middle of the night and drove past "His" house just to see where my wife was when she was sleeping with another man.....I asked her questions about what happened with him and how it was and she said "I'm not going there."

    I am falling apart and I know it and I can't do anything about it....I am loosing her and I can't even pull myself together to try to keep her...I am shattered and broken beyond repair....................................

  • Been there, done that!

    First you are not God, you can't change any of it. In fact the more you try the more you cause it to get further away. Christ is with you, but He wants you to do it His way.

    I am certain this is not the first time in your life you have called upon Him to help... And every other time when it was fixed, like me... You were like thank you Lord, see ya the next time I need ya! And forgot about Him until the next time.

    Well now, He is not letting you go. He wants you to love as He loves you. He wants to mold you in His image. Now it is time to submit"

    The questions you so desire to ask her is your pride getting in the way. Every single time the thoughts come, commit them to Christ and seek His comfort. They answers I promise you will do you no good at all, there is no satisfaction in them. The flesh is fooling you.

    You want to be loved... Christ is trying but you continue to follow your heart. And Christ is showing you that.

    The best advice I can give you right now, is the dares. Understand the journey is you and Christ, not you and your wife. Read all the appendix. Learn.

    And only do the dares as they are stated, do not manipulate them in any way. Grow in Christ and allow your testimony to shine through. This is where things change.

  • Sean, Thank you so very much...it's like you are in my head! (Scary place to be too!) I am trying to be creative with the dares bc she will not allow me to do some of them...or at least in the traditional way.

    I really hope change is coming becasue I really feel myself on th edge here. It is so bad that lastnight I just wanted to say goodnight to her before I went to my room and she never even acknowleged me or my words she half nodded and never even looked up from her phone where she was texting that was it.

    I have been up since 4AM yesterday and I am starting to feel a little punch drunk.... I have screwed this up so bad that if I don't do this now...thats it. I really feel like this is my last chance to get it right and totally let her go.  How to I manage doing the dares and showing her love while basically having no contact with her?

    Is that the act of love in and of it's self....

    Is it giving her the space she desires....?

    I can't even put a thought together. All I know is when I get home it has to be smiles and fun because she does not want a sad person around...she wants someone fun (like her boyfriend)

  • Concentrate on Christ filling your voids. Commit everything to prayer. Your dares, do the best you can to complete them and if she rejects that is fine. Be humbled by it. Remember the dares are not for her they are for you and Christ to mold you.

    She will recognize her actions and your testimony being strong.

  • Thanks! We actually had a fun weekend...We talked about her affair some and she swears it's over. I have kept things fun a light and have not been very serious about much. Just laughing and joking. She actually said instead of the normal "I am done I don't want this,"  and instead said "I don't know if we can do this." I take that as a small victory. She told a friend that she is confused bc we had a really good weekend. I hate to say it but confusion is my friend right now.  I am going to continue to be the fun guy she fell in love with and let GOD work on her. Thank you for your prayers and support. I know things will get bad again before they get better, but GOD answered my prayers by giving me a lttle rest from all the negativity.

  • As Sean has told you, this whole thing is about you and Christ, and really has nothing to do with your wife.  Read the dare daily, pray on it, and trust Christ for it to happen or not.  If He wants it to happen it will.  

    Your wife is going to be very confused.  One day she will be strangely attracted to you, then the next she will resist you like the plague.  This is her rollercoaster.  What you have to do is center your life around Christ.  Be full of praise for those good moments and relish them, but do not ride the coaster with her.

    This aint easy to do at all, and like all things that are worth doing, will take some time before you get it.  We fall back down and get picked up, kinda the way it goes.

  • Thanks Jason... I struggle at times with letting go! But, it seems like when I do....I can see GOD working in and on her!!! and as soon as I begin to try to take control HE takes his hands off and it's back to zero!

    Thanks all for your encouragement! I know one day this will all be worth it!!!!!

  • There will be hard times. Be humbled by them and seek out what Christ is showing you. Many times you will find that you treat Christ in the way you are being humbled,,, He wants you dependent on Him to fill any void you have.

  • More ups and downs...yesterday we were talking and she told me when we divorce she wants me to promise no other woman will ever kiss our kids and tuck them in at night. I told her that I will not make that promise. I told her that If she doesn't want me and divorces me that one day I may find someone who loves me and we may get married and I would hope she would love my children.  This sent her into orbit! She said I was "F'ing psycho and that I was going to move right on and she would be all alone." I told her it is her choice that I choose her and want to be with her but this is her decision and she can decide not to be alone.  She never heard the part where I said that I want to be with her and choose her, only that I am moving on. Well to make a long story short and not to be too graphic....not 15 minutes later we were intimate in a way that was amazing...unlike ever before.....she told me afterwards that it had NEVER been so good....EVER!

    My ego really needed that....makes me wonder though...am I dealing with the classic "She wants what she can't have?" As soon as she heard I might not be available she was turned on......I don't want to play these games...I don't want to have to act like I don't care in order for my wife to be attracted to me...that is grade school stuff!

  • Wow, that sounds like your wife really wanted to control you......wanted you to make a promise you cant know if you can keep.....then maybe to throw it in your face when you went back on your "promise".....also looks to me like she really does love you, and is seriously lost.....

    Dont "act" like anyone different.....you are who you are....through the dares, Christ will change you.....just be willing and open to that...anything else is a form of manipulation and control, and thus is not of Christ...

  • She is lost in the world. And she seeks comfort through control and questions. With those questions comes manipulation. Commit it to Christ. Don't worry about the games she plays, let Christ deal with that.

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