my day 3 fell on Friday of last week. I had all the high hopes in the world that maybe today a miracle would happen and that she would some how magically forget about all this and come home.
We had a change of command at work this day, which meant everyone came in on the day shift. Including my wife. This means all of my plans for what I was going to do for her were shattered and had no idea what else I could do to get through to her and do something that would say "hey I was thinking about you today"..
My original plan, was to buy her a mountain dew, a bag of cooler ranch doritos and some frito's bean dip. I know, weird combo.. but this is one of our favorite snack we used to have together and we hadnt shared together in a pretty long time. I was going to put them in a paper bag and stick it in her locker today with a sticky note saying "you have been on my mind all day". But she was on the same shift as me, so I couldnt just get in her locker with her being right there in the break room sitting right beside it.
So, I went out on the flightline with a crew of guys instead and figured I would just forget about the day's dare and just not say anything to her at all...
That didnt work out so well.
I couldnt even focus on the job we were doing. All I could think about was her and all of our memories together, I mean EVERYTHING reminds me of her. I had to leave and go talk to the base chaplain about all of this. Crying and praying on the way to the chapel, she started texting me again about ending our house lease early and how I needed to find my own place to live so she could get out of this house too and get her own place..
It just seems never ending.
The chaplain re-assured me with everything, telling me there was still a chance to save this and that the door hasnt been slammed closed in my face. He told me to keep following this book no matter what even if it does seem she is never going to come back. I took the rest of the day off to just settle myself and re-collect my self.
Later on in the day I met my wife at our house leasing office. She took me off of our lease, leaving me with 0 responsibility to this place. We also signed the divorce papers in front of a notary and talked about who is getting what and stuff. The whole time this was all happening, tears were just flowing down my face while she seemed to have no emotion what so ever. She immediately took the papers to the court house after that and filed them.
That night I went out with my friends to a bar and got so drunk I cant even remember half of the night. She told me she was going out with friends to a night club and I just couldnt handle that.. I wanted to just forget everything.
Listen to your chaplin... DO NOT STOP. Continue the dare...
And when feelings and problems about this start come on, take it to Christ, not to a bar.
There is NOTHING you can do to change this situation, you are not God! But God can. But you need to understand, he needs you to be molded, to be prepared. Seek Him first.
If you get time.. Read the bio I have on here, then start reading some of my journals. Start from the oldest.
As someone who is going threw the same i say to put ur faith in God and keep reading the book. Sometimes things fall apart so bigger and better things can come along. Maybe the divorce is going threw and yes it hurts and everything but maybe there will be something greater that will slowly make its way threw your life. Never give up and try to find positive things instead of running to the bar. maybe try tie n n knots on a string , each knot being something negative and then when ur done burn it or throw it in the water, release the negative.