Collaborate without boundaries

Re: Day 3

Day 3

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  • Yesterday was day 3 for this challenge. I stopped at Kroger on the way home from work and picked up grapes for myself and sushi for him since it is both our favorite, but I have been fasting and not eating only doing liquids. I got home and he was in his room playing video games, per usual. I didn't knock on his door or open it. I put everything on the stove, unloaded the dishwasher, organized the storage container cabinet, and cleaned the litter box. He came out after I had gotten back inside from talking with one of our mutual friends. She has been through the same thing, except neither one of us are married. She said he needed to grow up and be a man instead of running around with an 18 year old and doing who know what else. To which, I agree. There's no reason for him to go behind my back when we're supposed to be working on our relationship as a team instead of letting our flesh take over and wander wherever it pleases to. I came back inside and he was looking for me wondering where I went. I told him I was talking to our friend. I gave him his sushi and finished the cabinet. He thanked me for the sushi and grabbed his laptop and sat on the couch. I started getting ready for church and didn't tell him where I was going. When I got to the door and started walking out, he said have fun wherever you're headed. I said yup yup in a cheerful voice and walked out. Before I got home from church I checked the mail and then brought it all in the house. He still has a guilty look on his face and is extremely soft spoken when he does speak to me. I have no idea what will come out of this situation, but I'm baffled as to how he even put here in the first place. :/ I feel like I'm having to play 2 different sides. The sad when I'm not home and the happy, joyful, peaceful, calm and collected side at home. Our lease is up in 7 months, and I honestly don't know what will happen. I can't think of that right now either. I just hope God changes him and makes him see the error in his ways and how he has hurt me along the way. I've stayed true to him and faithful and I've even blocked people out of my life who tried to get me back (one of my ex's in particular).  

  • I would suggest going back to the love dare journal side where you were posting.

    Keep your eyes on your journey with Christ, not his behavior.  This right now is about you being molded through doing the dares.  You are expecting him to change, leave him and his behavior out of it right now.  Much of what you think about is his downfalls.  Right now, the dares are exposing your downfalls or weaknesses.  And teaching you to love as Christ loves.

    you mention he isn't working on this relationship, but were you when you left the house letting him wonder where you were going?  Why not tell him.  That would be showing kindness.  Not making him wonder.  And why not invite him to church? He may say no, but offering would be kind too.

    Find peace in God and then you can be the same person out as you are at home.

  • Thank you Tim. He won't go to church and wanted me to stop asking him to go. He broke up with me last night and still hasn't come clean about what he's done. He said a lot of hurtful things last night and said he's done with it all and had wasted my time and all this other stuff. He doesn't want me doing things for him either.

  • Sometimes they have no clue what they say or very short  memories of what is said.  And often what they say and what they mean are two different things.  His words last night do not necessarily mean it is over.

    But what is most important is that you are seeking Christ, His will for you, and His peace in this trial.

  • Should I continue the dare? He had no emotion in his eyes and didn't even want me near him when I was talking to him. He was completely fine when I was making dinner and he was sitting in the kitchen talking, but stressed that we were not together, even though he had posed the question of "Are we together or are we not together?" He said he was checking to make sure his point had gotten across. He said I am not his type, I never was what he was looking for and other things that crushed me even more. Not supportive or affectionate or showed gratitude when he did things for me or tried to surprise me. I'm at a loss.

  • Of course continue the dares.  Did God quit putting forth effort for you when you rejected Him in sin?  Nope, so don't you quit either.  Besides, remember, this is a journey between you and Christ, not you and him. So, why quit that journey?

    He will say these things to you just to justify his behavior.  And also, if he sees you changing in you doing the dares, he will also say these things to get a rise out of you.  To try to prove you really haven't changed.

    It gets tough I know.  But, when you have God way above him, things get so much better.  Keep doing a dare a day, no more, no less.  And quit looking for reactions from him.  When you have expectations of him, it sets you up for hurt.

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