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Re: Day 3... where to start

Day 3... where to start

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  • I stumbled across this site today. I thought it could be a good source of encouragement for me. In short my wife and I have been married for 5 years, the last 3 have been really rocky, both from my stupidity and outside influence. The last year or so we had been starting to work together better. But then about 3 weeks ago, she decided she's done. When I ask why, I'm mostly met with just that she's done, or we're just not compatible.

    I'm reaching out here, because I'm not sure what to do. She's seeing another guy, going out with him tonight actually. Yesterday, we had like 1 step forward talking about our individual sessions with a christian counselor, but then in the evening 2 steps back and going to bed stressed.

    I don't know what to buy here. I don't want to be cheasy, but at the same time I don't want to be to over the top (roses and whatnot) because that will just push her away. Thoughts?

  • Welcome.  Realize this will be a journey, one between you and Christ, not you and your wife.  She will be used as a tool to mold you.  Do a dare a day, no more, no less. Do not read ahead in the book except for the appendix, especially about leading the heart.  Have no expectations when doing the dares from her.  

    Things often get worse before better, but do not worry about that, it will serve purpose.  As far as roses, etc, do not worry about doing this. Do the dares only, because as you said, it will push her away.  The dares will cover what you need to do, but it is not a step by step way of winning her back.  

    Try journaling in the LD section, under the community tab if you can, more people read that section.  come back here if you have trouble finding that section.

  • Thank you Tim!

    I did this book once before about 3 years ago when things fell apart. But our lives have been so stressful I feel like we've fallen out of a friendship.

    For those curious, the "buy something that says I'm thinking of you" I just bought a simple coffee mug that says "live, love, Bark" because we got a new dog about 2 months ago and she likes the live, love, laugh saying, and i put some tissue paper in it with a couple of her favorite chocolates. I actually got a thank you when she returned home

  • Take a look at if it was just the stress that got you back to this point or if not keeping God first in all things had something to do with falling out of friendship.  

    I am not pointing fingers, but so often when God helps us out of a trial, we fall back to saying, Thanks God, see you next time I need help.  

  • I’m so sorry to hear about your situation brother and hoping for the best for your marriage. If you don’t mind me asking are you still married to your wife? What really hurts about your post is that you two are seeing a Christian counselor but she’s going out with another guy. In no way am I even going to attempt to judge you because I don’t know your whole story and everyone is different and feels convicted biblically to different degrees. I for one would be totally devistated if my wife did that. Totally broker perhaps but I wonder what I’d do. Would I remain or leave. Who knows. If I had to take an educated guess I think I’d leave with the freedom of knowing she committed adultery and I’m free to divorce and remarry. But I know every shorty is different and everyone is called for different things. I’ve read the book of Hosea, if you haven’t read it you should check it out, God understands perfectly well what you’re going through. I was cheated on in my first marriage and I ended it because of that. However divorce hurts and if you feel strongly that’s not the answer take heart and don’t give up until you know you’ve given it your all.

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