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Re: Day 3 and she is trying as hard as she can to "Hurt me"

Day 3 and she is trying as hard as she can to "Hurt me"

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  • Sorry I am new here. I gave my wife her gift and she refused it...It is a Pandora charm. Then she said she is going out tomorrow with a girlfriend and is looking forward to meeting guys and dating. She is looking forward to having sex with other men she says.

    This is going to be a long hard fight but I love her unconditionally and will be waiting when she is done "doing her thing." It is going to eat at me I know but I will not tunr my back on her or my marriage. No matter what she says or does I will be waiting.

    I have had 2 friends end or friendship this week over this. they said that I need a lwayer ASAP and get away and clean out the bank accounts....I WILL NOT do that! So they said they are done with me.

    My wife has been trying to get a job because as soon as she does she said she is kicking me out. She is very qualified and has been turned down for 2 good jobs. I can't help but think GODs hand is on this and will not bless her lifestyle or decisions.

    I pray for her safety and that she is convicted in the coming days.

    As my favorite song says...."I'm waitinig."

  • Not sure if you have had a chance yet, but be sure to read the appendix as soon as you can focusing on the section 'Leading your Heart' and also watch Fireproof.

    You will come to realize this is not a journey about you and your wife, but you and Christ. He will mold you in ways you never thought possible. Just gotta put all your trust in Him. Pray on the dares each morning (do not read ahead) to complete them by His will and then get out of His way.

    You are going to get all kinds of 'worldly' advice as you are already seeing. Do not worry about that. Seek your direction from Christ. He will tell you what you need to do and you know very well one of those things - standing for your marriage so great job on not giving in to your friends' advice.

    Great to see your eyes already being open to His work - your wife not getting the jobs. He works all of life's situations - good and bad - for His greater glory.

    “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

    Blessings to you!

    P.S. Love that song

  • One thing I would like to point out. We do not know what led your wife to this point, but as you grow in this journey she will get worse. There will be a breaking point but it will get worse before better. Remember this is a journey between you and Christ. Not you and her. Leave her to Him, there is nothing you can do.

    She will justify her actions through your falling. Be a testimony....

  • She is out tonight drinking at a bar. She wore an outfit that she knows I wasn't crazy about. Very sexy and revealing. I took my kids for the night to Ravens training camp and out to dinner. She texted me to say she is drinking and having fun and will be very late. I asked her to let me know when she gets home safe because I worry about her drinking and driving.

    This is my second time doing the Love Dare on her, the first was a year ago and it worked really well. I kept up most of the principles but as we all do I got a little lazy.

    today I texted her from training camp to let her know I was thinking of her and that I wished she was with the kids and I, told her just wanted her to know I was thinking about her.(Day 4 Dare)  She blew it off and asked if the kids were ok.

    Thank you for your replies....I have realized this time around that my heart needs to be focused on GOD. I think the first time I did this I was soley concerned with saving my marriage. My relationship got better with the LORD but it was second instead of first. This time I hope to have things in the right order.

    It is so hard not to bombard her with questions when she comes home late....or when she leaves the room to take a phone call or everytime I look at her she is texting some unknow person. At tims I have such peace and can say "She is GOds project." But, at other times my heart punds out of my chest and I can't catch my breath.

    I used to pray for GOD to save our marriage and for him to fix her.  Now, I just ask for strength and for His will to be done.

    I keep hearing in my prayers a voice saying she will come back. I want to believe it's GOD, but sometimes I wonder if it's just m wanting it...... I have a dream of her coming to me one day and hugging me and being so thankful that I loved us enough for both of us...I know is corny but it's my dream.

    Sean, you are dead on...she feels like she is justified to do and say any hurtful thing she wants to because of my own personnal failure. But, I am redeemed and forgiven by my Lord and I don't have to carry that anymore. I am not consumed by guilt as I was for so long.

    I pray for her safety as she is in the world, living in the world.

    Thanks for your support! This is going to be so very hard....and I am affraid your right....it's going to get worse as she fights me every step of the way.

    Bryan

  • Don't be afraid of it getting worse. Just know it is Gods plan. Seek out the blessings that come from it. And yes there are blessings in it, trust me, been there and done that.

    And emember you are not doing the daes on her, this is between you and Christ, she is just a tool Christ uses in humble moments.

  • My wife got home in the middle of the night....She was drunk. I heard the door chime and coame downstairs to say hi. She rolled her eyes at me. She told me about her night and her drinking and how buzzed she got. I feel like I am living with a sophmore in college. This morning I made her a coffee and took it to her room. She said she didn't want it and told me she wanted water. I touched her leg and asked her how she felt and she said ok but her head hurt and she shot me a look for touching her.

    I have asked her if she understands the concept of leading her heart in the past and she says..."You don't get it, I don't want you. I don't want to fix things."

    We will see how today goes when I aske her to discuss the things I do that irritate her. I am sure it's going to be "talking to her, touching her, being kind to her, and the like."

  • My wife got home in the middle of the night. I heard the door chime and came downstairs from my room to say hi,  She rolled her eyes when she saw me.  She was obviously drunk, and talked about how much she drank.  

    I wanted so badly to ask who she hung out with and if she met any men.....but #1 I don't wnat to know, #2 It would make her angry, #3 Shes gonna lie anyway #4 It doesn't really matter I guess.

    This morning I made coffee and took it to her....I put my hand on her leg and asked her how she was. She shot me a nasty look, and said her head hurt. She said she didn't want the coffee and wanted water. I got her water and left her alone to go back to sleep.

    This is harder then the frst time.....first time I did this she seemed receptive to the Dares.

    I asked her a couple of weeks ago if she knew what it meant to leed her heart and she said "You don't get it, I don't want you, I don't want to work on us or fix us."

    That was hard to hear, but I I have no choice in my mind but to press on.

    As I said I have enough love for both of us until she "wakes up."

    Thanks for your support.  It's great to hear that I am not crazy, because everyone else around me makes me feel like I am.

    Bryan

  • Do not impress upon her the dare or even the appendix about leading the heart. You have had time to chose this path, she has not. You are controlling the situation by doing so and not trusting Christ in this journey by doing that. You are still doing it your way.

    She is not ready for that.

    Do your dares as they are intended, no more, no less. Asking her about the 3 things, do it, you do not have to touch her, just be kind and do the dare. If she rejects then be humbled and take it to Christ.

  • She would not even entertain yesterdays Dare. I asked her what I do that irritates her. She said why are you doing this...why are you asking, it is too late for this. I told her it is never too late to treat her better and be a better friend to her. She said she was not doing it. I crossed that Dare off and prayed about it.  

    She had no problem telling me about all the men who talked to her and hit on her at the bar.....

    She also had no problem telling me her grilfriend (37) same age as my wife went home with a 25 year old guy.  Then she thought it was funny to tell me that her gf left at 10PM with him....making me think my wife was there with her "New Freinds " until after midninght..... or wherever she was with them.

    She takes every chance and opportunity to cut me and hurt me. I have never heard so much poison and anger.

  • .

  • My wife and her mother got into a huge fued on Facebook of all places. My in-laws are in Greece and she saw my wifes pics of her latest night out. My mother - in - law jumped all over her on her wall telling her she was behaving poorly and she was coming home and taking the kids away from my wife bc she is mistreating them. They went back and forth and then my wife deleted the posts, but not before family saw it. We had been keeping our situation low key, but I guess the cat is out of the bag...... My wife took the posts down but was furious last night. It took everything I had to be supportive of her, but I was. I told her I am sorry that played out like it did, and I know it must have hurt. She started to cry and then told me to leave and get away from her...she kept saying..."I'm good leave me a lone I don't want to talk about it."  She has built such walls around her heart that it is scary...she is void of feeling and emotion towards anyone who loves or cares about her.

    She called me moments ago fuming bc I made a copy of a new bank account she opened in her own name....I thought she was taking money from our joint account but it was allegely from a settlement she got.  She wanted to know if I was sending it to lawyers...told her I am in this for keeps and wanto to save this not hurt it. I don't have a lwayer and I'm not geting one. She said fine and hung up.....Gonna be a really long night tonight!

    GOD IS GOOD!!! As I was typing this my wife texted me to say sorry she got upset with me earlier....What a small blessing in the midst of this hurricane I live in!  It is so not her nature to ever appologize!

    The biggest thing I need to work on right now is to give her and more importantly GOD space to work on her. I realize He can't get anything done when I keep sticking my big butt in the way!!!

  • Bingo..l stay out of the way. And her taking every chance to hurt you is her justifying her actions. Leave it go and allow Christ to fill your voids.

  • Amen Sean,

    We were intimate last night....She tells me when we are, that it is only sex and that it means nothing..... we tried a new counselor yesterday and neither of us liked her. she was brash and rude and basically called my wife a lier and told me I was too screwed up. I am hopeful because she agreed to continue to look for new counselors with me. Our reasons are different for going though. My wife says that she is only interested in working on our communication and our friendship in order to be good "co-parents" who are divorced. Mine obviously is to save our marriage. I figure as long as she goes and participates God can work on her heart.

    I am still worried because she tells me often that when she is out with her girlfriends she is looking for "that guy."  Meaning if the right cute guy asks her for her number she is going to give it to him.....and date him. I really need to walk the walk at this point and let her do what she is going to do. I have no control over that.

  • Leave it to Christ... And just to warn you, she will get worse before better. As you grown in Christ and her convictions grow, she will throw out all the cards to justify her actions, because soon in her mind you should have always been this husband you are now being.

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