Day 28 Forum: Love Makes Sacrifices - Recent Threads

Day 68 - Love Makes Sacrifices

BeckyA — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 19:38:13 GMT

At the end of the day, I looked back and just didn’t see where I had completed this dare. It was a hard one if something wasn’t put in front of me, and after praying about it in the morning, I didn’t see where it had been opened up to me. It wasn’t until I went back to read it today that the completion of the dare clicked.

Our daughter is still not back in school… she starts back next week. With all of the turmoil in our house this summer, we really haven’t worked with her like we should have. My husband has said over and over again that we need to work with her every night. He just never steps forward to work with her. He and I both teach her differently, and have different styles with helping her. I have had a hard time not standing over his shoulder and giving my opinion about how she was doing or what he was telling her.

While I was cooking dinner, I noticed a workbook on our daughter’s desk. My husband and daughter were both in the living room watching TV. I picked up the workbook and a pen, went into the living room, and asked if he would like to spend some time working on it with her while I finished dinner. He readily took the workbook, and they went to work. He asked me a few questions about how much I thought they should do, and I gave my opinion when asked. He praised her throughout the work. Right before dinner, he told me what a fantastic job she did. I could see that he felt in control of the situation and confident in his ability to teach her.

stuck on 28

remade3 — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:16:06 GMT

She said that me calling and texting her stresses her out. The thing is she doesnt try to communicate with me at all.I have great difficulty not talking to her when she has been by my side for the last three years. If I am not able to talk to her I cannot do the rest of the dares that involve her. We were moving into the right direction until day 15. I asked her a question that i shouldnt have. Since then she has talked a little until sat. when i broke down and blew up her phone when she wouldnt talk to me. I took matters into my own hands and got into His way. any advise? Should i start over . I have been on 28 since friday, but I am very weak in this department

Day 28 20120823

dust237 — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 12:16:52 GMT

Our oldest son(16), from my wifes first marriage, hurt his finger the previous night while at youthfor church. This lead to a conversation about medical bills. Apparently my wife has a lot of bills piling up on her from a previous emergency visit for him, in addition to medical bills for her Dad who had passed away over a year ago now. I never knew cause she never told me. She never told me because I think I became unapproacable over the past three years when it came to our finances cause we could never agree on them. Anyways, I commited this to prayer asking God to tell me what to do. I want to go ahead and take care of the bills by draining my retirement, but I dont know how to takecare of the bills cause I dont have them and I dont want my spouse to know about it so I cant just ask her for them. Still waiting on the Lord to give me a sign or answer on what he wants me to do.

Tried again

foreverlearning — Fri, 10 Aug 2012 13:21:07 GMT

Well, I wasn't able to talk to my husband again. What pops into my head though that I could lift my expectations from his shoulders. He's told me in the past I expect to much. I can do that for him.

Question 1.

How much of your mate's stress is caused by your lack of concern or initiative?

Probably a lot. It's really hard to be concerned or to initiate anything to help when in the past you get yelled at for it. My husband is what they call a functioning alcoholic, mixed in with being a workaholic amongst other things. His moods change quite frequently, you never know what you're going to get. I started going to al-anon family groups to help me cope as I was having a melt down.

Question 2.

When you expressed a desire to help, how did they receive it?

I haven't told him yet.

Question 3.

Are there other needs you could meet?

I'll have to give this more thought. What springs to mind though is more support. I mean by holding off the negative words or actions. I know he's sick, even though he can't see it. The best and kindest thing to do is leave him to God to help him. I can't do it anymore.

Amazing Grace given to me

Manorahsjoy — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 09:38:31 GMT

Well, when I asked him what his greatest need was that I could help with he said there was nothing.

I then rephrased the queastion to say what his need was in general regardless of whether I could help or not.

He stil said there was nothing.

I left it at that.

Earlier in the day, I let him know that I was aware of the loan that he had taken out.

He denied any knowledge of the loan.

this just confirmed to me that we are not ready as couple to move together.

This is the time that I have to get close with God and trully leave my spouse in Gods hands.

I realised that I want to do so much for him but that God must not be in favor of all that I want to do because nothing works out.

I was going to get compensation from a bank and I told him about it. I let him know about it and that I wanted to use some of it on him so that he can apply for his citizenship. It was somthing that I wanted to get done before I travelled because i was so sad that he was not able to get the visa.

Over the weekend, I asked him if he had paid the rent. He said that he was short. I told him that I would make the payments over the next two weeks and that he could ask me for pocket money till he gets paid so that some of the bills that go from his account dont bounce.

not knowing that the next day, the door bell rings, spouse runs out and brings a woman in the house saying that she is hear to give us a loan.

Remembering that love is patient, I said nothing and they sat down to agree the loan. After a while, they step out of the house.

Curious as to what is taking spouse long to get back in, i look through the window to find them seated in the car and the lady is handing him money, from what I counted it was well over £700. Spouse exits the car and comes in the house. I have resolved that this is not my issue.

He gets in the house and starts to say, that lady was here to discuss money that he HAD borrowed. I told him that I did not want to know becuase if he wanted me to know he would have involved me from the begining. He insists and goes in to get the payment book. I told him again what i said and asked him to put himslef in my shoes. He says oh, " that I did not tell you that some one was comming over?" I kept silent and he walked away like to say, nothing I ever do is right for this woman.

Fast forward to last night when I did the dare, he asked me for money. I said that I could not give it to him. He asked why and reminded me of what I had said over the weekend that he should ask me for any pocket money that he needed. I told him that at this point, he did not need money from me.

Hr asked what I meant and that was where I told him about the money handed over to him in the car.

he denied it.

I told him all that I saw and she said that the woman was handed him the money to show him what he could have if he takes the loan.

I looked at him and asked him "who does that?"

He was adamant and insisted that he did not have any money at all. He walked away with the look on his face like, here we go again with this woman.

I refused to panic and let satan take advantage of me because this is prime territory for the arguments that we have and i ha ve come to far in the last few weeks to be ignorant of satans devices. It was hard not to want to tear him apart with my words and tear that house looking for the money. I am not doing that any more.

The other day I said that spouse wants me to be consitent. I told God that I needed wisdom on how to relate to spouse because i feel used.

I feel that God protected my heart and feeling from him today in regards to this.

He showed me that I wanted to use the money on him for my benefit not for him. He showed me for the first time that no matter what I do, I can not change spouse and neither should i adjust my life to try to do so.

I feel free, sad at the same time because helping him with the papers would be a good thing in the long run but if he is not desiring it than why should I?

If that money is not for him to get these important documents, why should I make them a priority?

Spouse has to desire it for him self.

Truth is, I never wanted to present spouse to my family the way he is. he can really put on a show for people. I did not want him to wow them, (My Family are in the USA) on ly to get back and have him sleep out and drink. I felt like it would be giving him a holiday to say, I am so pleased withj how you are treating me, I want to show you off to al my relatives in the USA that have not met you yet. I feel like this would be an endorsement for his behaviour and holding the papers was like as way of controlling the situation to say that only when you are presentable in my eyes will you be presented to my family, till then... no way.

I see how evil that thinking was.

I see now that God has better plans and a better way. He knows why he is holding back things and I believe it is because He wants to get the Glory. He wants to get the accolade and the recognition for making a way.

I am so glad that I have been rebuked and prooven wrong. I am glad that my folly has been exposed because I have been controlling and manipulating for too long.

So going back to the response spouse gave for the dare last night, with all that took place earlier that night, I did not even want to do it but I bit the bullet and did it any way. I was not really suprised at his response to be honest. I even thought the need he has right now is for me to leave him to spend this money in what ever way he wants to and yet I should still be consistent in all that I said I would do.

The thing is the offer was made based on the situation and circumstance that was presented at the time had changes. I did not feel that i t would be wise on my part to go along with sharing all that I have when spouse clearly has no intentions of sharing what he has. If i did, I would be in denial and the repercussions would have been of my own doing.

A wise woman builds her house.

I did not argue with him about it but as one of my resolutions to the love dare, I took it to God in prayer and just had to trust that the prayer was more than I could ever say. I had to fight and even till this morning I am believing God to work in me patience and longsuffering with JOY.

I am praying for JOY unspeakable in my life because I finally see that the battle for spouses soul is not mine but it is the Lords.

I am free to run the race that is before me in Christ and I ask the Lord to give me JOY since he has given me peace from my enemie which was the inner me always wanting to be in control.

I decreed over my life last night, that as it was for Isaiah in Isaiah 6:1 that states, "In the Year King Uzziad died, I saw the Lord ......" I decreed that in the year, I (NAME) died to self, I Saw the Lord, In the Year I (NAME) died to being controlling I saw the Lord. I prayed the prayer of Jabez, and got the revelation of what that really means and it meant for the boundaries to be enlarged so that he couldl have more of the Lord. That the Lord should bless him indeed and keep evil faraway from him so that he would not cause harm. I decreed that over my self knowing that the Lords decrees over Jacob stand and are sure, so are they standing and are sure for me.

Day 28 - Love Makes Sacrifices - Unsure

JasonEmigh — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 02:50:34 GMT

So I wasn't sure what to sacrifice for her, I have pretty much given her everything including my undying love. I chose to offer her my help in finding happiness and filling the void in her life that she's trying to fill. She wasn't very responsive to anything today, so I didn't push things. I did tell I love her and invited her to a party for our son's birthday which is today. I continued to pray for God to touch her heart and for her safety. She didn't come as expected and when my son blew out his candles, he wished for his mama to be with his family. After the party, I texted her what he wished for. She didn't respond but "he" did telling me I was hurting her and said their attorney would be contacting me about harassing her and I went too far this time and that he was going to use it against me. He also brought up my past again as this seems to be his only ammunition against me. He said a few other things to me and I replied once to him saying I wasn't giving up on her and that I wasn't intimidated by him. I also texted her and told her I wasn't giving up and that I love her unconditionally. I believe his true colors are coming out, and am hoping that she will see that it is a bad decision. One of the few times she texted me today she said I was being irrational lately, but didn't reply when I asked how...

I am not sure if I will be hearing from his attorney as he's threatened me with this before. I am not worried about it as I am walking in truth and have only texted my wife positive things. I am deciding at this point to avoid contacting her unless she initiates it with me. Other than that, I will complete the dares if possible and dive into God's word. I will also pray constantly for God to have his will in our lives and to show me what his plan for me is. I am seriously asking for some advice here, I am not quite sure how to proceed at this point. I know I'm not giving up my faith or on my family...

Day 28 - Love Makes Sacrifices

BeckyA — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 12:58:11 GMT

My husband’s greatest need is family time. He has needed time with me alone and time with me and our daughter. For the past five years, all of my time has been filled with work, school, church, helping friends, watching kids… everything except him.

When I first started the dares, I took a break from ministry at church. This dare made me think about what I was going to do when I return to it. After Labor Day, we’re adding a second contemporary service on Sunday mornings. We’ll have one traditional and two contemporary. When we were talking about this change, I said that I would be part of the worship team for both services. After much prayer, I have decided to stay on as part of our worship team, but only do the 10 am service. During this service, our daughter would be able to go to Sunday school, and then she can drop AWANA on Sunday nights. Our worship leader holds our rehearsals once a week, but with music people, a two hour rehearsal usually starts an hour late, and never stays on task. I’m going to talk to him about this. I’m willing to get our books ready the night before rehearsal, but I won’t stay at rehearsal more than an hour. If we’re working on new music, we’ll have to do it during that time. We’ve already moved up the rehearsal time so that when we finish, my daughter has been in bed for well over an hour. Often, the worship team goes out to dinner after rehearsal and goes out to lunch after Sunday service. I’m going to stop going on these outings if my husband is at home.

Day 68 - Love still Makes Sacrifices

Jenn — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 05:13:14 GMT

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Day 68—Love still Sacrifices

“What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now? Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.”

I realized when I read today’s chapter that this day, in round 1, was when my husband moved out. I cannot believe it has already been 40 days since then. This was the day, also, in round 1 when I experienced God speaking to me in a way I have never experienced in my life. An experience I would NEVER want to take back even if on one of the hardest days of this journey. I know God is still working on some of what He told me—I know somehow some way my husband will be in Hawaii with my family next month. I know somehow some way I will financially be able to afford new carpet for the house. In addition to those that I was spoken about that particular morning, there is my husband’s lease and switch of detachments. All things I continue to daily pray for guidance about. I mention these items because I know they each will require some sort of sacrifice. But I prayed about how God wanted me to satisfy today’s dare. I was thinking maybe it would have something to do with his lease since, besides still needing Christ in his life, that is one tangible need my husband [we] need taken care of right now. That was not what I felt God lying on my heart though. For some reason it was to update our realtor on our situation. I thankfully only had to talk to her once about our options with the house early on when my husband said he was just going to up and leave me with it. However, in that conversation she was very supportive of our marriage and praying for us, so I knew she would love to hear the good news that we were on the road to reconciliation. I also let her know about the things I’ve been working on around the house. Her response was that she was not surprised to hear from me since I was heavily on her mind last night (that is the second person today that had told me that—weird!). She also gave me the info to her carpet guy, so I will be working on getting another bid. I don’t know why this is what I felt God leading me to do today, but I just continue to do what He wants me to. No need to know why.

Today was my husband’s first day back to work since him and I have been on this road to healing. Due to the minor crash he was in a couple of weeks ago he has been off. Work means seeing the OW since they work the exact same shift together, but I prayed my thoughts would not focus on that. Then it dawned on me—when my husband put in for vacation late last year for this time in April (since we originally were going to leave for Hawaii yesterday—due to circumstances with my brother’s schedule it got switched to May) he was not sure if it was going to be approved since it overlapped a couple days with the OW (this was well before him and her had anything going on), but it ended up getting approved. Relief set in – he would not be seeing her today. I then get a text message from him early this afternoon saying he does not have to work tomorrow since he will end up starting his vacation time then, which is the day the OW is supposed to be back to work. That means they have not worked together at least since his crash two weeks ago and now not for another couple more weeks. Thank God! Although this brings the question to mind – if he is still taking his vacation time now then how is vacation time in May for Hawaii going to work out? Only time will tell…

Due to my husband not working tomorrow and I having it off as well, he asked if I wanted to go on a date. Most definitely! We have not seen each other for a couple days now, so I am ready…again! When am I not? LoL! Just hope I feel better. Still fighting whatever has been kicking my butt since Saturday.

Day 28 - Love Makes Sacrifices

Jenn — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 07:25:41 GMT

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Day 28—Love Makes Sacrifices

I ended yesterday’s entry with “Thank God tomorrow is a NEW day with RENEWED strength from the Almighty.” I woke up very early this morning with that RENEWED strength—a strength on a level I never imagined possible especially when it was the day my husband was moving out. I almost want to delete yesterday’s journal entry because of how different I felt today. I call Day 6 my first “turning point” day. I would call today my second “turning point” day. I can honestly say I am honored God chose me to be on this journey. It is far from over and team God+Jenn is only just beginning. My complete trust is in Him. I look forward to sharing in the near future what team God+Jenn is going to accomplish by the end of this journey and start of another.

Today’s dare was all about sacrifice—love makes sacrifices. Love shows compassion rather than becoming defensive. Love inspires you to say ‘no’ to what you want, in order to say ‘yes’ to what your spouse needs.’

The greatest need in my husband’s life right now is Christ. I prayed about how I might be able to accomplish this dare according to God’s will. He answered and it isn’t going to be easy. I will not be contacting my husband unless “commanded” to do so. All of my trust is in Him to do the work He needs to do in my husband without me standing in the way.

I had little time with him today since he wanted me out before the moving truck came. I let him know since the process of selling our house cannot start for another 30-60 days that I would start chipping away at some of the stuff that needs to be done around the house, so he wouldn’t have to worry about it. His reply, “How can I not worry about it? I worry about everything.” I stood there feeling sorry for him. I, at that moment, could honestly say I didn’t have a worry in the world. I could tell these last couple of days he has been struggling with a lot of emotions. He looks like the world is weighing him down. I continue to pray for his own guidance—that he sees God’s light and love. That he realizes he is not alone—God is waiting for Him with open arms.

Before I left, I asked for a hug. He simply said no. I was okay with that. My heart smiled (if a heart could smile) because I knew God was in control as I walked out the door knowing when I return home this evening I would be in a half emptied house alone—alone in the flesh, but not spiritually.

Little did I know when I would return home I would also be “sacrificing” our bed and dining room table that he said he wasn’t going to take. This is his way of many to deal with his anger/hurt. No worries here! I will go to sleep on the couch knowing who is on my side, so get ready!

Our God is Greater – Chris Tomlin [OurGodisGreater music video]

“And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
What can stand against?”

Love Makes Sacrifices - Day 28 troubles

CrimsonMKII — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 19:34:18 GMT

I am 28 days in and have experienced many revelations along the way. My wife of nearly 12 years left me and took our two boys July 28th - 16 days after my 40th birthday. I've been getting through the dares OK and have learned that these challenges are more about my relationship with Christ and through him he will heal our relationship - that I have to be patient with him. Being separated makes these dares difficult - This week is especially hard on me. I've known my wife for 17 years total and tomorrow is her birthday followed by my eldest son's Thursday. I bought a card and have a message I intend to deliver to her but this day 28 dare is pulling me apart. My wife is not currently interested in working on our relationship - she is standing her ground on the separation agreement and will not waver at all. She says it is a separation and this is not divorce - but yet makes no promise to reconciliation. She is working on her and I'll admit that although I have surrendered to Christ (Our relationship is in his hands at this point, on his timeline) that I am afraid that too much time will pass and it will just be easier to divorce. The crux of today's dare scares me. Right now she needs to heal herself before we can begin working on even thinking about our relationship. In one breath she wants me around for the sake of our boys, and in another not at all personally - she says she needs me to prove that I can change and that actions speak volumes over words, money, gifts, etc. Her greatest need is healing and really coming to Christ herself. She works for a Christian church but discusses the family issues with very few people. Just yesterday she commented to me that I will talk about our situation with anyone who will listen. It is true, but is that wrong? I have a lot of pain over our separation and I am in shock that it has gotten to this point. Outside of prayer, what do I do? What am I to do about honoring her Birthday? I've been declined to attend church service and dinner already. Help!

Day 28: Little things

HKOakland — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 06:05:33 GMT

I think the greatest need in my husbands life right now is peace. We have spent so much time arguing, fighting, screaming, yelling, etc. I know he needs for me to stay calm when I get upset. I know he needs for me not to interrogate him with questions about every little thing. I know he needs me to be kind, loving, patient, supportive and a host of other things. SO today I bit my tongue several times. That was my sacrifice. The little things that he says or does that drive me crazy or piss me off I just chose to ignore and not comment on or react in anyway. It's a sacrifice because it is not normally what I do and certainly not what I want to do most times. BUT today it wasn't that bad. It didn't kill me to bit my tongue and not react. When I did have to repeat myself a few times I reminded myself to calm down while I was speaking to him. I had a few moments that I was upset and I turned to GOD to take those burdens away instead of going to my husband cuz that always seems to end negatively.

Surprisingly I did not ask him how long he would be at work tonight and he came home earlier than usual. GO figure. So my other little sacrifice was not questions him how long he would be.

I'm feeling better with each passing day. I'm feeling stronger. I'm feeling closer to GOD and this makes me very happy. It warms my heart and makes my heart smile which it hasn't done in quite some time. THANKS BE TO GOD!

A Hard Sacrifice

jkuehn — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 16:00:39 GMT

Today's dare is/was the single hardest one of them all because it required something of me that I selfishly don't want to give up.

The greatest need my wife has is to feel secure and to feel like she's the most important thing in my life. As a computer guy I live on my computer all day and have become accustomed to "being connected" at all times. Social media (Facebook, Twitter, Google), AIM, Google Chat, texting etc. All of these things that aren't sinful, just things that get in the way of peace and distract me. We all know how insulting it feels to be talking to someone and they choose to pick up their phone and text or check Facebook. Or to be sitting at a dinner table out and there's a lul in the conversation and immediately you feel the need to pick up your phone and check something?! IT'S SO STUPID AND USELESS! You're not much cooler OnLine! These are things that get in the way of your brain shutting down at night. Things that arouse suspicion in the others mind. Things that stir up emotions or feelings or questions that had they not been entertained or turned on or allowed to be in front of me would not be thinking about or talking to. They are in YOUR PAST for a reason...so leave them there.

So today's dare solidified what I knew I needed to do anyway just for a healthier life but it will show my wife that she's the most important thing in my life because I'm not distracted with my phone going off all the time or constantly glancing at my computer screen cause some "friend" commented on a post etc.

I DELETED my Facebook account permanently. I DELETED my AIM accounts, my SKYPE accounts, my GMAIL accounts. I FEEL like someone just kicked me in the stomach! What am I going to do now on the way home in traffic?! HAHA (I'm kidding...sort of)

I'm not going to tell my wife though. Cause I don't want her to feel guilty thinking that my motivation for this was because she's mad at me. I made it for me, for my walk and clarity with Christ. For my peace of mind. For protecting my marriage from outside forces that DO NOT NEED TO BE HERE!

I'm also counting how many times a day I out of habit reach for my phone to check Facebook and then realize midway there's no Facebook to check. I got a rubberband on my wrist to pop every time I do it! HAHA Guess there really might be something to this Pavlov conditioning!

Today's dare taught me that I need to be my wife's HUSBAND not her FRIEND. If you think about it, those are two very different roles in a woman's eyes. You know how they always say don't try and be your kids friend...be their parent...same concept here.

This day sucks, cause I just removed a whole lot of things I habitually depend on...but I know that God will honor my sacrifice and intentions. Plus how can I expect something out of my wife to follow if I'm not leading or willing to do it myself.

Onward and upward my friends!

- Jamison

Day 28

Dave_71 — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 16:01:05 GMT

Melanie texted me that she dropped all of the information at the attorney's office and the papers will be ready to sign next week. She asked me if I would pay half of the fee and If I could pay her before I go out of town next week. What I wanted to say was.... "You want the divorce so you pay", but I didn't. I prayed. I replied to her that she would have the money the next day. I don't like doing it, but I know that she is living at the poverty level with her current job, trying to support two kids. I don't want her or the kids to go hungry and I'm struggling financially myself due to taking on her and the kids and continuing to maintain her insurance and phone, but if this is what she feels (whether I agree or not) then I will do it.

Round 3 - Day 108

Melissa — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 15:36:58 GMT

I am heading out of town for Easter to go up to Cleveland to visit with my family. I was planning on leaving right after school so I could get up there as soon as possible. After reading this dare this morning I decided that I was going to have to make a sacrifice and not leave right away. Since I will be gone and there is not much food in the house, I stopped by the grocery store on my way to work to pick up some of my husbands favorites. He loves when I cut up fruit and make a big fruit bowl so I am going to do that for him before I head up to Cleveland after work.

I believe that my husband needs much more than this though. I have been having trouble finding cards that say the right words, so I am going to make him a card instead. I want him to know that I will always been here and put the exact words that he needs to hear from me in it. I will be praying about this.

Day 28 - Challenging Dare

britani — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 00:46:30 GMT

Right now the greatest need in my husband's life is spiritual - a need that can only be met by God. However, I think that the way that I act and the decisions that I make during this time could be used by God to impact my spouse. This dare has been hard for me. Right now my husband does not live with me and doesn't want much to do with me. When thinking of a physical need that I could meet, I didn't have much thought. After prayer and seeking the Lord's guidance I think that what I need to sacrifice for my spouse is my "comforts." What I mean by that is that I often attempt to contact my spouse to make myself feel better -- negative interaction sometimes seems better than no interaction at all. This should not be the case. I need to trust my husband to the Lord and allow the Lord to be what comforts me and fills me up. I will do this by continuing to complete the dares and looking for opportunities that the Lord gives me to demonstrate how He is working in my life to my spouse. Other than these opportunities, I feel like I need to give my husband time and space. It is very hard to let go of someone that you love so much while at the same time making an effort to show that someone just how much you truly love and appreciate them.

Round 2 - Day 68

Melissa — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 02:29:55 GMT

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BUSY, BUSY, BUSY moving and packing, but not too busy for God. Usually on the weekend I don't like to set my alarm because I wake up at 5:30 every morning. I usually do not roll out of bed until about 9. This morning I woke up at 7:15 wide awake. I am so glad for this because with the move I knew that I was not going to be able to put at much margin into my life as I usually do on the weekends. I was able to use this time to read my Bible, read my dare, and pray. WAHOO!!!

I found out yesterday that my husband is moving into our rental house too. I asked him what his plan was and he said he didn't have one. I guess the plan is to still live with me. The weirdest thing of all… I had to ask my husband which room he wanted. Thinking about this situation- My husband wanting a divorce, but moving back into our first home together, WEIRD right? I just choose to laugh and say, “God is in control.” Some of my friends and family members think that I am crazy because when we talk about this situation they don’t understand how I can let him move in, or how I can go without questioning his motives, and how I just laugh thinking about it. All my response is to them is that I don’t need to trust my husband right now, I don’t need to know what is going on in my husband’s head right now, and all I DO need to know is that I trust God, He is in control of this situation, and I don’t need to understand it. I’m just along for the ride. I am so BLESSED and happy to be at this state. It is the best feeling!!!

I knew that I wasn’t going to be seeing my husband today because he had to work and then he is hanging out with all of his siblings that came in town this weekend to celebrate his nieces 2^nd Birthday, which I’m attending tomorrow, without my husband because he will be working. Anyways, we MUST be moved out of the house tomorrow so I chose to move his closet for him so that is one less thing that he will have to worry about moving when he gets off work tomorrow at 7:30pm. I have pretty much packed up the whole house for us except the big stuff. He will be doing that tomorrow evening with a friend that offered to help. I also called him and asked him if he needed me to bring him anything before he met up with his siblings. He was going straight from work and since I was packing his closet, I had all of his clothes, so I offered to bring him a change of clothes or anything else to freshen up before the met up with them. He said that he had everything he needed, and guess what??? He thanked me for the offer! This is the first time he has thanked me for anything that I have done for him in probably the past month in a half. My counselor says I need to look for small signs, positive or negative. I see this as a positive! It is so crazy to think how a “Thanks” can mean so much. Praise God!

Rd 2 Day 28

chadloveslisa — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 15:49:29 GMT

My wife's greatest need right now is space and time. I give a little more space each day and I'm willing to give her as much time as she needs. It's not easy to give her space, habits are hard to break after 18 years. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do.

Trusting God and letting go, that's the key. I feel good these days though, sometimes relieved because I know God is in control and I'm along for the ride. I pray for my wife everyday, that God works in her life and in her heart.

Day 28- What to sacrifice

cwest — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 22:58:43 GMT

So I did this dare last Thursday or at least tried to. I was having trouble thinking of my husband's greatest lead right now. Then I was having problems accessing the website. So, my husband was not wanting to have contact due to hectic work schedule and said we could meet Monday (tonight) So I just texted him and said, I don't know if you have to work tonight but if you need anything let me know. Hope the day is less crazy." I send that on Friday. No response. We are supposed to meet tonight, but he has not replied to my email from last week about meeting and he has not contacted me as of yet tonight. We will see if he does.

Also, trying to identify my husband's greatest needs. He is very quite and will not say I need this or I need that. I need to work on being more observant. A lot of times I will like I contribute nothing to our relationship because he can do everything. Why would he need me?

Day 28

Serilium — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 21:41:29 GMT

It was refreshing to me that I had already done things this week that follow today's dare. On monday I kept my daughter busy while my husband talked on the phone to our mentors from church. On wednesday, I heard him complaining that he needed more warm shirts for work. We were a little tight from medical bills this payday so I went to goodwill and found him 4 shirts in great condition and washed them for him. Right in time for a snow storm that night :)

The thing that I need to work on is identifying his needs. Sometimes I have problems telling when he is "thirsty" or "hungry" or in need of something. He tends to be quiet a lot and doesn't share as much as I would like. but that is just his way for now. I will pray that God helps me keep in mind his needs, and will make known to me any need that I can find a way to meet.

dare 28

forever512 — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 01:04:57 GMT

I was a bit limited on this dare, but I did what I could. I started some of the tedious tax calculations we have to do year after year. Usually I wait until my husband is ready to get started and then we spend days getting them done & wrestling with the kids at the same time & it becomes very stressful. So even though i couldn't do a whole lot since he has most of our files at his place, I did what I could in that regard.

I'm praying & trusting God will continue to guide me...

Day 28 ... Need Advice

cruthw — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 21:56:30 GMT

I really don't know what to do about this dare. If I were to identify my husbands greatest need right now - it would be to "get away from me and get a divorce" So is that what this dare is asking me to do? To sacrifice all that I am and my desires to save my marriage?

dare/day 28

David — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 00:30:11 GMT

I am working today and really the only thing I can do for her is to help her move, which I am doing Tuesday...

Dare 28

forever512 — Sat, 06 Nov 2010 02:15:52 GMT

This one was another toughie. I have been taking on doing things that he needs me to without asking for a little while since starting the dares. Our finances are really rough right now and he has a lot on his shoulders with that since he's the only one who makes money. This past week he had to get a lot of financial paperwork together and I helped him in whatever I could. I would have loved to take the stress & worry of our finances off his shoulders for todays dare & forever, but that was just not possible. I racked my brain for ideas & nothing really came to me. I prayed on it & in the meantime did some laundry & played with my little girl. Just as I put her down for a nap, I got this crazy urge to iron. I took all his work clothes out of the dryer and started ironing, then I moved into the closet & looked through his clothes that he had stuffed inside that needed ironing. I ironed for at least an hour or more! and I really, really HATE ironing! The whole time i was ironing i thought of how sharp it would make him look, how much more professional he would look...I didn't really stop to think about how much I was hating it. I acctually didn't mind it because I knew it would be beneficial for my husband. Then I started thinking about everything else that I had taken on that I used to hate to do: pretty much all the housework & it didn't bother me doing that stuff anymore. I used to gripe how my husband would never help out with that kinda stuff, but really it was becasue I never thought about how it made him feel to come home to a little neater home, to go have clean & folded clothes when he needed them, etc. I always claimed I had no time for that stuff- but the truth was, I just didn't want to do it. And know that I do it everyday, I don't hate it & it makes me feel good knowing that it will make my husband a little bit more happy coming home to a orderly home where he doesn't feel stressed out because there are toys all over or he has no clothes to change into. It's a little stress I could take off his shoulders.

I realized a lot about myself, a lot of the stuff I ever refused to do was becasue I was forced to do it growing up. It was as if I was still rebelling against my parents & never considered my husbands feelings! God has been definately molding me... I feel it and I see it & I like it :)

I have also realized I am taking things going on in our relationship a day, a step at a time. He still says he doesn't love me and doesn't foresee it changing, but I will see what happens. I'm not stressing over it! Today my husband texted me at 5 asking if I had made dinner yet. I had not becasue the previous night he said he was probably going out with his friends after work. Well, he told me he said he might he didn't tell me he was doing it for sure... so I just listened & started on dinner. I made dinner, but he didn't even get home until 7. He did eat though :) Then we put the kids down, watched movies... but he was texting or on the computer a lot. It's like he wants to watch with me, but he has other people to talk to. I don't let it get to me though! For the first time in months, my husband is at home on a Friday night! WOW! In the past, I would have gotten upset with him for not telling em his plans had changed, and then asking for dinner but not coming home until 2 hours later, etc. Though it started to bother me a tad at first, I just let it go.

I continue to pray daily, many times a day & it helps me through my weak moments and my good times. I can be myself...and even my bad days are not even close to being that bad! I have more patience with my kids and my husband then I ever had before & I feel free. I feel like I can let go & I like not being in control :) I look at everyone & everything with love in my eyes...it is so wonderful :) God is doing something great with me...I praise Him always for never giving up on me :)

Dare 28

Jaime — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 15:32:28 GMT

Everything is going SO well with my husband. He has slept over the last 4 nights, we went to dinner twice this week and to see a movie, he is holding my hand, cuddling me, and randomly coming up to me and kissing me. We hang out in the nights and watch movies or tv together like we used to, and he always sits on the couch with me now, not in the chair across the room, and he puts his arm around me too. We are also going to a bed & breakfast on Saturday :) If you were to ask me how things are with us I would say fantastic, but if you were to ask him I don't know what he'd say. I said I love you to him before we went to sleep last night and the night before, he did not respond. I didn't expect him to though, it would have been a surprise if he did respond. Everything just seems so great. I do not want to talk about what is going on or ask if he is feeling different, I just want to let things run their course, espescially since he leaves for 3 weeks on Monday.. I made him a care package to take with him when he goes with goodies and magazines and such since there won't be much for him to do when he is not working... I also made him a scrapbook and wrote him a letter. I hope these help some. I really do think he is going to come home, I have thought it all along that is why I have never gave up even when things were REALLY rough. It will be 9 weeks tomorrow that he has been gone. Although the last week it's like he's been back, although he doesn't "live" here again... yet.

Anyways for this dare, my husband and his brother are driving to another province on Wednesday so rather then them having to stop for food and get snacks and such I was going to fill a cooler with sandwiches and drinks etc for them. I can't think of anything else he needs so I thought that would be a nice unexpected thing to do.

Day twentyeight

Polly — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 09:45:41 GMT

I am unsure of whether I did this one right yet. It comes down to wants vs. needs. I had to really think about things, what he says he wants, and then look at it from the perspective of what he really needs. He needs to be safe, to be reassured, to know that the home we have will remain a home. He also needs someone who believes he is doing the right thing, and who can guide him in doing it. He says he wants help with little tasks, things that would make his day go by easier. But what I see is he needs to do these things without my stepping in and doing for him. I am trying to find the balance in helping him acheive his goals and not doing too much for him. I don't think it would be a good thing to have him become lazy and dependent.