Today's dare is/was the single hardest one of them all because it required something of me that I selfishly don't want to give up.
The greatest need my wife has is to feel secure and to feel like she's the most important thing in my life. As a computer guy I live on my computer all day and have become accustomed to "being connected" at all times. Social media (Facebook, Twitter, Google), AIM, Google Chat, texting etc. All of these things that aren't sinful, just things that get in the way of peace and distract me. We all know how insulting it feels to be talking to someone and they choose to pick up their phone and text or check Facebook. Or to be sitting at a dinner table out and there's a lul in the conversation and immediately you feel the need to pick up your phone and check something?! IT'S SO STUPID AND USELESS! You're not much cooler OnLine! These are things that get in the way of your brain shutting down at night. Things that arouse suspicion in the others mind. Things that stir up emotions or feelings or questions that had they not been entertained or turned on or allowed to be in front of me would not be thinking about or talking to. They are in YOUR PAST for a reason...so leave them there.
So today's dare solidified what I knew I needed to do anyway just for a healthier life but it will show my wife that she's the most important thing in my life because I'm not distracted with my phone going off all the time or constantly glancing at my computer screen cause some "friend" commented on a post etc.
I DELETED my Facebook account permanently. I DELETED my AIM accounts, my SKYPE accounts, my GMAIL accounts. I FEEL like someone just kicked me in the stomach! What am I going to do now on the way home in traffic?! HAHA (I'm kidding...sort of)
I'm not going to tell my wife though. Cause I don't want her to feel guilty thinking that my motivation for this was because she's mad at me. I made it for me, for my walk and clarity with Christ. For my peace of mind. For protecting my marriage from outside forces that DO NOT NEED TO BE HERE!
I'm also counting how many times a day I out of habit reach for my phone to check Facebook and then realize midway there's no Facebook to check. I got a rubberband on my wrist to pop every time I do it! HAHA Guess there really might be something to this Pavlov conditioning!
Today's dare taught me that I need to be my wife's HUSBAND not her FRIEND. If you think about it, those are two very different roles in a woman's eyes. You know how they always say don't try and be your kids friend...be their parent...same concept here.
This day sucks, cause I just removed a whole lot of things I habitually depend on...but I know that God will honor my sacrifice and intentions. Plus how can I expect something out of my wife to follow if I'm not leading or willing to do it myself.
Onward and upward my friends!
Jamison~ Out of the midst of weakness we're brought into strength. ~~ It's NOT that He wants you to be so aware of your weaknesses that it really puts you down, BUT move on to grasp some of His strength. ~
There is more to it than that. There are a number of dares that you have ensured completion.
Because of this decision... You have now created margin in your life. Here is the big question. What do you plan on doing with that margin. A very important thing about this journey is your relationship with Christ. You must love Him first, to love your spouse better.
And because of this margin in your life, you will now find the ability to mold oneness in your marriage that God intended.
And to ease your sucky days... Become habitually dependent on Christ. When you feel the urge, dont snap a rubber band, commit the moment to Christ, by praising Him for the guidance and unconditional love He has for you to give you the ability to see Him working in your life.
I couldn't agree with you more. Your perspective in this situation as I've noticed with many other comments you've left on other people's posts are challenging, clear and supportive to keep us/me on task and to the point. I know during this time of struggle our focus can get lost due to a bad day or the emotional roller coaster each day brings and original intent can get clouded...and I thank you for your clarity.
You are right though, I like the commit the moment to Christ suggestion instead of the pain the rubber band brings! LOL My wrist was starting to look like I had been caned by a 3rd world country for stealing! HAHA
I can say that with the added margin in my life...my mind is so much clearer and focused while praying and God and I are talking so much more daily. I find myself spending more time with God, just honestly by default cause if I'm/we're honest the first few days were, "Well, there's nothing else to do so I guess I'll pray." I hate to be that honest cause I can't imagine how God must feel to see that he's my last resort option to focus on if there's nothing better. That makes me feel so sad...but also gives me a good perspective to know how my wife or friends/family must feel when around me and constantly seeing me check my phone.
This dare so far has been the one that has impacted me the most and I'm grateful for it and the courage to go through with it.
God is happy that at the moment He is your last resort. Dont feel bad. He knows that soon enough He will be where He needs to be.... First!