It is so difficult to watch my husband struggle day after day. I keep thinking back to a sermon I heard recently called “The Promise is greater than the Problem.” I know that the reward will be amazing for my husband and for me. After having last week off work, my husband called in today. He said that he was just too tired to work. I have always respected my husband’s work ethic, and it’s difficult to see this side of him. He’s always complained about work, but went because that was his responsibility. He had a duty to fill at work, and he had bills to pay at home. I pray every day for my husband’s heart to be opened to Christ.
I’ve always expected my husband to do things on my schedule. I’m ready to move on with reconciliation… that doesn’t mean he has to be ready. I’m ready to move on with things and get out of the limbo that we’re in… he’s still fighting a war within himself. This is where I need to continue to be still. I know that I need to be that testimony for my husband.
When my daughter and I got home in the evening, my husband had been by himself most of the day. We got home to him and his dad watching a movie, and they had already eaten. I ate dinner with our daughter, and then she went off to play in her room while I cleaned for a bit. My husband seemed disappointed that everyone didn’t want to immediately spend time with him when we got home. She and I had been with people all day and just needed some alone time for a while. I let him know this, and within the hour, we both joined him in front of the TV.
I’m struggling with how much to give my husband right now. He has said that he’s felt left out of our lives for a long time and has needed our daughter and I to spend time doing what he likes to do. Right now, what he likes to do is never leave the couch and watch a lot of TV. We have a house that needs things done, and our daughter doesn’t need to spend all of her time in front of the TV. It’s not healthy for any of us. I let go as much as possible. I’ve told him my concerns, and he gets angry about it. Our daughter will only sit and watch TV if I do. When I have something else to do, he wanders around the house to see where we are and what we’re doing. The wandering doesn’t stop until he has us both in the living room with him.
This is where your testimony comes into play. Find the things that are quality for all you. It is all going to be left up to you to do.