After I got out of work, I picked up my son and came
home. When we got home I asked my wife
how her day was. After listening, I told
my wife that next week was her birthday, and that I be honored to take her out
to dinner. To which she responded that
she didn’t think that was a good idea. I
asked her why? Her reponse was that she
did not want to lead me on and hurt me anymore than she already has. Because she was done. And the only reason she was still living here
was because needed some time to get back on her feet so she could take care of
herself and our two kids. Unable to keep
my mouth shut, I told her I didn’t understand why. Sparing all the details, the conversation continued
to get worse. Eventually, that night it
escalated even further to us arguing over who is getting the kids and the house. All the while I kept on the fact that the
only thing I was fighting for was her.
To stop the fighting I finally just told her she could have it all. The following morning she could tell I was
upset/depressed so she asked how I was doing and if I was mad at her. I told her no, and that I would be fine. She even still offered to make me breakfast.
Anyways, I realized that night after it all happened that I
lost sight or focus on what my real goal was.
And as I read the responses from the posts yesterday that thought was
confirmed. Along with other mentors that
I have been working with to get through this.
What I’m struggling with now is wether or not it’s to late?
Do I start over with the first dare?
I'm on Day 18 of round 1. Prior to me starting the dares, I had gotten into arguments such as the one you mention which might start off as a simple "can i take you to dinner" and escalate unnecessarily. I too was not sure if it was too late or not. I was yearning for answers, until last week she had came out and told me that she would be moving out the following weekend (this past weekend). I was barely on day 7 or so when she dropped that bomb on me. I felt that if she was not here, not only could I not complete the dares but the propensity to lose her forever would be much greater. As hard as it was, and as hard as it still is for me, I realize that my focus should remain the same -build the relationship with Christ that was long overdue and hand over the steering wheel to Him. In reading several of the journal entries on here I noticed some folks are on their 2nd, 3rd and even 6th rounds of the LD.
The frame of mind that I am trying to have with this journey is that I need to try as hard as possible to go through the 40 days, one day at a time, from start to finish no matter what because the ultimate goal should be using these 40 days as a tool to build your relationship with Christ.
Easier said than done, but I feel as though going back to Day 1 might actually be like giving up on Christ. He wants us to give him these 40 days which is why He brought us in the direction of this book. The lest we can do is to allow Him to work in us for that period of time.
Again easier said than done, especially for someone who is a newbie here and only on day 18 myself. Just throwing my 2 cents in. Not sure if others would agree to churn on and not give up and start over.
The verse that keeps me motivated from day to day in wanting to complete the 40 days is James 1:4 which speaks of letting perseverance finish its work. From that point on, if I have to begin a second round of dares from day 1, then so be it, but I do feel we need to try and not give up on the first 40 days.
Dust, first, with Christ it is never too late. And remember this is a journey between you and Christ not you and your wife.
Realize Christ will expose many things through your wife to mold you in His own image. Take it one day at a time, and before you get into your modes of argument, always commit it to prayer. Because I assure you my friend, it is 99% chance it is a selfish motive.
I know your right. Selfishness and jealousy is something that I very much struggle with. But its hard to let my wife and kids go.
Yep, I know how hard it is too. No matter what happens brother, youll get on the other side of this. Whether thats marriage being restored, you standing for her to come back, or just divorcing and moving on with Christ.
Try your best to just focus on today, everyday. Work with what your maker gives you. Focus on Him, and not on the other stuff that happens around you. Your peace that you desire will come.
Thank you so much. I met with several other pastors today and they re-iterated the same thing. I will praise Him in this storm. I will keep my focus on Him.
Your not letting them go, you are learning to love them as Christ does you... Unconditionally