It was a challenge to do this dare today but I bnit the bullet and just obeyed.
I told him that I seek his forgiveness for being too hard on him to change.
I told him that I had dreams of marriage that I thought would happen but nothing that I ever dreamed of is and that it is fraustrating for me.
He asked me to explain further.
I told him that I realised that my standard is not his standard and because of that, we are so different.
I mentioned how my dream if marriage is where we plan everythign together, we dream together and encourage one another.
We are a unit that moves together and has each others back, but that the reality is that we are not a unit and everything he does, he does it alone.
I told him how lonely it is for me to have no to talk to about the things of God and related it to when he told me that he felt that there were things that I can not do that he likes to do... drinking.
I told him that I would try and be more understanding .
He said that I had nothing to appologise for and that he blames himself and knows that he has to change.
He said that he grew up having to fend for himself and the hardness of life took away any love that he could have for a woman. It is now that he says, that he prays for God to teach him how to love me becuase all that he does in the name of love, seems to piss me off.
He said alot of things. some of which I would have cut him short with a matter of fat but the whole time I was praying for God to keep my mouth shut while he spoke and the Lord did that.
From what he said, there were some things that I did not know about his past and how it has defined his reasoning. I realised that these were things that I needed to take to God in prayer, on spouses behalf.
The best way for me to deal with these disconnetions is to be patient. Patient to pray about anything that I would want to discuss with spouse before I go to speak to him. In that time I will know from the Lord if it is something that I should do. Infact, I did just that over an issue and the Lord told me to wait a few more days before I speak to him about the issue.
What would help you even more is that you seek Chirsts ability to love... B doing so, you would not have selfish expectations of marriage which in turn would show you unconditional love,
Right now you are still thinking about marriage your way. That is not Chirsts way. And the moments it is Chirsts way, you will have expectations. The only expectation is that Gods will be done and it will be on His time not yours. Remember set your heart to things above, this is when Christ will bless those desires of your heart.
I have never ever thought that for one second my idea of marriage could be wrong.
This is a wake up call and I have prayed to ask the Lord to give me what He wants concerning His Kingdom and my life as well as the marraige.
That is because you have been brought up in the worlds ways. That is why divorce is so simple anymore. People put conditions on their love. And that is surly not what God intended. We are to be one with our spouses, period.