I've had a blessed past few days. Over the weekend I went to my cousins Christmas party & though he was a little drunk, he made me smile. He confided in me that he's got lots of money, & a real nice house & travels the world, but the one thing he wants, he can't have. He and his wife recently found out they are unable to have children. He said he would trade everything he has & live in a tiny shack if only he would be blessed with a child. It still brings tears to my eyes... I may be in a hard financial situation, but I have more than money can ever buy because I have my three most precious children! I felt like the richest person around that night... and even now :)
Then yesterday my husband brought up our future living arrangement again. This time when he asked me to talk to my parents about living in an apartment for free, I told him I think it should be he who talks to them. He did NOT like that. I simply stated that I would go anywhere he arranged it for me and the kids, but since he was the one who wanted to change our current living/family situation, he would ahve to be the one to figure out those details. Needless to say he was MAD. He yelled so loud for the first time in many months... so loud it woke up our daughter. He told me I was selfish, he threatened to tell my family about our situation on Christmas Eve (I guess he doesn't realize they already know...), he told me that if I was going to be difficult that he would make sure I get my payback, he said that if I think I am going to live off of him for free then I have the wrong Idea because he would rather quit his jobs than to give everything to me, he finished with "and you wonder why I don't love you". I pretty much just let him rant, though I did let him know that I wasn't getting anything "free" because the price of breaking up this family was a greater than any monetary amount. I was very calm & at peace & I prayed several times for Jesus to bring peace and love to my husbands heart. WHen all was said and done, I went into my room and thanked God for my blessings and prayed for my husband. I know he is stressed about our financial situation, especially around this time of year... I just pray he finds peace in Christ.
It's funny how people I know who are on the right path with God, still propose retaliation against my husband. I guess that's just human nature, though. I was doing some meager CHristmas shopping today & bought a couple things for my husband. Some people couldn't believe that I even got him anything. Others suggested I give them to him as gifts "from the kids" to kind of "show him".
Ever since last nights blow up, my husband has been ignoring me completely. I knew it was coming. So I probably had an excuse as to not complete todays dare, but I did it anyway. I apologized to my husband for the unrealiztic expecations I've had of him & he said to me "you know, let's just not talk unless it has to do with the kids".
Yet despite everything, I feel happy & extremely blessed. I've let my husband go & no longer worry about what he is or will be doing... and I don't let him affect my mood this holiday season. I am committed to loving him no matter what. More importantly, I am committed to serving the Lord above all else.
OOOPS! The first time I tried to post it came up with an error & a blank typing space, I assumed all was lost, so I re-typed it! Sorry!
A good piece of information. Anything you type out always do a quick copy as you type. This way anything goes wrong you and paste it right back... Do not have to retype anything.
I learned the hard way. In fact at one point I was writing everything in word then cut and paste here. LOL.