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Re: Day 27 - Love Encourages

Day 27 - Love Encourages

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    Day 27—Love Encourages


    “Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home.  Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it.  Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.”

    Yesterday’s dare definitely encompassed today’s dare too. I took responsibility for areas I had failed as a wife and three out of the five areas I talked about in some way include encouragement. Being a control freak and perfectionist often times projects unrealistic expectations not only on myself, but my husband too, resulting in feelings of being a disappointment.


    The chapter reads, “Divorce is nearly inevitable when people refuse to allow their spouses to be human. So there needs to be a transition in your thinking. You must choose to live by encouragement rather than by expectations. The way your spouse has been for the last ten years is likely what he or she will be in the future apart from your loving encouragement and an intervention from God. Love puts focus on personal responsibility and improving yourself rather than on demanding more from others.”


    I woke up with the feeling that my heart had been ripped out of my chest. My husband got home from the other woman’s house about 600 this morning and started packing all of his stuff up to move into his new place tomorrow. I didn’t sleep very well, so I knew it was going to be a long emotional day.


    At first I wasn’t sure how God wanted me to complete today’s dare, but it became apparent throughout the day He was working through me during the random talks my husband and I had. It was not exactly how the dare reads, but I believe I was able to give encouragement at various opportunities God provided. Kind of ironic too – because I had to HOLD my tongue sooo many times. It has been awhile since I have had to ask God repeatedly for the strength to hold back my words because they were very close to rolling out into something not so pretty. This resulted in the Holy Spirit using more encouraging-type words through me whether my husband realized it or not. Some examples that took place within sporadic conversations we had today—


    Husband: Going off on random tangents about everything I did again

    Me: “I don’t recognize who you are anymore.”

    Husband: “I don’t recognize who I am either. Everything I’ve ever loved is gone except my career.”

    Me: “I’m not gone. I am here! I am not running. I will be here till the end.”


    Me: “Do you still want to have children?” (random, I know, but we had quite a few random talks today)

    Husband: “Not anymore. I can’t trust anyone and besides apparently you don’t think I would make a good father because I am not Christ centered.”

    Me: “I’ve never said you won’t be a good Dad. I think you will make a great father one day.” (I really wanted to add…“especially if you welcome Christ back into your life.”)


    Husband: Justifying his affair in every way possible

    Me: “You know I am sincerely sorry for what I did. You know that I take responsibility for all of the areas I did not live up to as a wife as I expressed yesterday. I have been trying to be an encouragement during all of this by not making you feel guilty or shameful. I have never brought up your affair to throw in your face. I have forgiven you, so I ask you to please stop throwing mine in my face.” (he got quiet after that - believe me that is uncommon these days)


    We were both on quite the emotional rollercoaster ride today. He started off pissed that I will not help file for divorce telling me I am making him do all the work. You betcha! I already expressed I would not back down on that since I do not want a divorce. That I am standing for this till the end. I am not forcing him to file. I am not forcing him to move out. All choices he is making.


    I can certainly tell when he is angry and uncomfortable because he starts spouting off the most random mean things. It is very apparent he is struggling and stressed. I tried to express in a nonchalant way that I am not who I was two months—even a month ago. He still says I haven’t and that I am just selfish. I asked how have I not changed. He starts giving examples that were one to two months ago. He could not give one example of how I am the same person in the last few weeks (i.e. timeframe of the Love Dare). All I said in return was that I am sorry he feels that way. I believe deep down he knows I have changed, which is why he decided to bring up old examples. I am not nearly as emotional, control ridden, and fearful as in the examples he was giving. Though I never said it, I was thinking to myself…if you only knew what I was doing and experiencing…one day it will hit you. One day you will WAKE up! (I know I should not be worrying about this right now, but like I said, it was one of those days that stemmed from the reality of him really leaving me and living this 'other' life he has been leading with someone else).


    Blessings (perhaps in disguise) that I am taking from spending time with him today even if it was while he was preparing to move out—


    *He took the time to help me with burning a DVD montage I was making for my Grandma’s one year anniversary of passing away


    *I found out he still has the 9 page letter I wrote him two months ago when I went to the ocean (I reread it the other day and could not believe the parallels to where this journey has lead me to – a reminder that God was just at the starting line with me when I made the commitment then to fight for this marriage till the end).


    *He also still had the letter I wrote him yesterday even though he said he was going to trash it.


    *He has said he is not filing for divorce till after the house is sold


    Thank God tomorrow is a NEW day with RENEWED strength from the Almighty!

  • His time is coming. Believe me when I tell you... Christ would not be preparing you and molding you without your husbands need to see your testimony. It will come. But here is the hardest part. Will you be able to be Christ like no matter what the situation is?

  • I have FAITH I will be able to be Christ like no matter what the situation is. I have not come this far to NOT be. He is molding me more and more everyday. I see it. I feel it. I KNOW it.

  • Praise God...

    But understand, while Christ is molding you, He will work on your weaknesses to strengthen them...

  • I could not agree with you more. This journey has definitely opened my eyes to my weaknesses - weaknesses I didn't necessarily know I had. Ironic I read this today when I just read today's dare [Day 31]...another weakness He has been working on strengthening through this journey.

  • Dont get discouraged in those times. Open up and realize God is working in you.

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