Collaborate without boundaries

Day 26- Love is Responsible

Day 26- Love is Responsible

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  • I haven't written in a while, but have been reading the stories daily. I am completely worn out. My husband has turned cold on me. Last week I thought things were going well (better) and then I get home on Thursday and he tells me we have an appt with the Lawyers on Friday. Our house is very quiet- nobody really talks (its just the two of us- no kids). I ask him about his days and his work trying to strike up conversation, and some days he will talk- others he doesn't. The counseling apt was not fun Friday at all. That night he went out with a group of friends- work friends for a birthday party for a girl he works with. I asked who all was going- trying not to pry but I have found a few flirty text from a girl on his phone- only to be deleted the following day. He hides his phone most of the time so I cant see anything. He gets home Saturday morning after staying the night at a friends house only to sleep the entire day- then back out that night. He works on Sundays so I only saw him when he came home and I confronted him again about his relationship with this other girl. The reason I am asking about her is that I see him doing the same things I once did- hiding the phone, deleting text messages, etc- and that's what lead to my affair. He of course denied anything, and said he knows how it feels and wouldn't do that to me. I told him I didn't think i would do it either, but it happened. I am trying to keep this marriage alive, and do my dares, but I am struggling. I had a meltdown Sunday evening which lead me to leave the house and get a hotel room. I apologized for leaving in a rush but had to escape for a few days. He just asked if I was safe and that was it. I didn't sleep that night so I left work early the following day and went to the house to sleep for a few hours. I have been staying with a friend, and last night she had her FB page opened up- they are friends, so I peeked at his account. And there are several pictures of him and this girl partying all night. Complete devastation set in. I know he has been texting her because I have seen the text. She called him Saturday night at 2:30 in the morning and he answered it- but tells me he doesn't remember. I know I am the one who ruined the marriage but I am finally getting myself together to try and make this work ,but I feel like I am losing the battle. He keeps telling me he wants nothing to do with anyone else, but yet he hides things from me, he is actively looking for a new place to live and communicating with lawyers to hurry the divorce process. Our family doesn't know how far things have progressed so I have nobody to talk to about this except my counselor- which tells me I need to accept the fact that it is over. I am at a complete loss- I feel torn between completing the dares and process and trying to move on from this. I am driving myself crazy- feel like a private investigator snooping around on his phone and checking Internet sites he has been on. I haven't slept in a few days, not really worth anything at work, and I am going back home tonight- because I know I cant keep running from this. I don't know who this person is anymore- he isn't the man I married. I understand that everyone handles things differently and we all have to pay for our actions- which is what I am doing now, but it is so difficult to live with him- in separate rooms and constantly see the pain on his face and then see him going out all the time. Then on the other hand , I don't want to leave because I know I won't have much more time with him. I am anxious all the time at home- trying to act normal and talk to him, but when he says he doesn't want to come home or hang out with me or have anything to do with me, any progress that I have made with trying to forgive myself and get out of the depressing boat is ruined. I have been reading the dares as well as a 365 devotional for women and they are giving conflicting messages. For example:one of the dares says to continue to love your spouse regardless- which I do, and do nice things for him, and then my devotional says to get out of the boat (being your past) and start to move on. So what do you do. I am tired of the knots in my stomach and the turmoil of a lifestyle (going on 4 months now) but I don't want to give up on this marriage. I told God I will accept his will for us and the marriage I am just struggling in the process. I pray every night for him- I was praying about softening his heart, but I read that that is a selfish act- and that I need to pray for Gods will- which is what I am doing now. I read that this is a journey with God and that I have to give up control and I am trying and want to so badly- just how?

  • First thing. I do not think you are getting conflicting issues between the dare and your devotions. When your devotion says let go of the past and move on, means those burdens need to be left at Christs feet and you have been forgiven, so there is no reason to dwell on them, and now it is time to move on from them. Not move on from what is currently going on in your life.

    Second. Don't say you know you ruined this... It was both of you living in the world and it's ways that got you here. You both were selfish and self centered. Now you are in a journey with Christ and remember there is a reason He chose you for this journey first.

    Now you have to stop snooping. All you are doing is creating havoc on yourself. There is nothing you can do about it except create fights and strife. Now that does not mean allow it to happen, you must protect your marriage. But don't go looking. Lave it to Christ to handle your husband.

    Praying for your spouses heart is not so much that it is selfish. However right now with all the turmoil, praying for his heart right now is more likely selfish in that case that you are praying he finds Christ and stops what he is doing. You are not praying for his heart to be saved by Christs grace. So right now it is best to pray for Christs will in his life and yours as well.

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