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Re: Day 26 love is responsible.I s

Day 26 love is responsible.I s

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  • Yesterday was hard for me. For so long I didn't know how to forgive those who hurt me. But i got down on my knees and asked God to help me in this so much. But I did it. And i felt free. I thought that was going to be the hardest, but today was. Funny thing is a few weeks ago i wrote him a letter explaining why i am the way i am. But today I had to ask for his forgiveness. I prayed about it after reading the dare. And then i started to write. I wrote everything that came to mind. He came over and we talked and i gave him the letter. While at work i thought about it and i asked him to wait to read it and let me read it to him when i got home from work. At first he was a little annoyed and said he needed to get home to study. But then i explained it wouldn't take too long and it was really important to me. so he said ok. so i got home and I was nervous... But here is my letter: Dear Angel, I'm sure by now you are tired of my letters. I hope you aren't, but i promise not to write every week. but i feel this letter is vital for me. I have gone through my life being selfish and hurtful. Sometimes i did things out of spite and sometimes just of habit. When i take an inventory of my wrongs i am less than proud. At the time i was only thinking of myself, not really caring that i was in the process of hurting osmeone else. At first between us i tried to be upfront with you about everything. In time i couldn't, actually i wouldn't conform to the person you wanted. So in order to keep myself the way i was, I started lying and hiding things from you. I have to admit i was ready to be with you when we both got back from the military. I still had baggage i was holding onto. I should have dealt with that first before starting with you. And i tried, but i think i thought the longer i waited the less likely you would want to be with me. And honsetly i didn't want you finding someone else. So i moved forward with out letting go. I didn't know how to start new. I couldn't and wouldnt try to understand the concept of give and take. i know you didin't like things i did or who i talked to , but our relationship line at first were blurred. I shouldve listened to your wants and needs of what you thought i was doing wrong. In my eyes i was being innocent but in your eyes it was room for failure. And i'm sorry for not seeing it that way. i'm sorry for trying to havy any kind of firendship that would hinder my relationship with you. I hadnever been in a relationship like that. Then there was the infamous emails. What can i say. I was wrong in every aspect. I never shouldve kept in contact with him after cuba. But i havt to say that was the selfish side of me. i really don't know why i held on for so long. i didnt mean to hurt you in anayway. But i know i didi and i'm sorry. Even after the first one you saw i know i kept going. but i swear i didn't know how to cut it off. So i tried to be simple but i know i was still wrong. So after the last one you saw i did tell him to stop and he understood. But i knew you always had doubt and i deserved that because i planted the seed. And then there was facebook and my exhusband messaging me. I know i told you from the begining that he did and why, but then he kept going and i didn't know how to tell you. Sometimes i don't know who to approach you with things like that. Sometimes i felt you treated me like a child about things like that. i guess i didn't want that or wasn't ready for the look of discomfort. But then you saw it anyway. There was no wrong intention on my part, but i just didn't know ho w to come to you. So i ignored him and eventually blocked him. I'm sorry for disrespecting you in anyway. I'm sorry for hitting you when i got too angry. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm sorry for ignoring you and what you wanted and needed. I'm sorry for talking down to you. For talking bad about you at times. i'm sorry ofr not trusting you. For not understanding you and for not trying to. I'm sorry for everything i did wrong in your eyes. i'm sorry for not listening and being patient with you. I'm sorry for not making you my everything from the start. now looking back i understand. i'm trying to ask for your forgiveness. I want you to be able to talk to me about any of this and anything else you feel i have missed. I know you have tried before, but i wasn't ready then. I know i am now. I know you are the type of person that holds grudges and doesn't forgive easily, but i'm asking for your forgiveness for all the wrong in my and what i did to our relationship. I will understnad if you don't, but i i will always pray you do. Te amo Siempre... So i cried through this and he was speechless. He said it must of taken a lot of courage to read that to him. And he said he forgave me a long time ago. he just never told me. he felt that through our relationship i was distant from him a lot. he asked me why i was doing this. And i said to communicate with him what i have been feeling. That i had prayed a lot about this and it needed to be done so he understood the turmoil i have been dealing with. That i felt i needed to explain to him why i was this way. not an excuse just an inside look. My ptsd has let me now trust people. And thats what i was missing in our relationship. he thanked me for the having that courage. He could see the hurt i have been holding. And he understood. He said he held on to me for so long cause i was his hs sweetheart and he wanted to believe that i loved him with all my heart. and that i would do anything for him. And i told him that i did. I just didn't know how to show it then. And when i started to that it was too late. And that I still loved him with everything i am. I just hoped in time he would see that. Tomorrow is his interview for the texas job. i really do pray and hope he gets this. As much as it hurts me thinking of it. If it's what is Gods plan then what can i do but rejoice in it.
  • Now that you have gotten that all out. Commit it to Christ to deal with him. Focus on your relationship with Christ and allow Christ to work on Angel.

    It is your testimony now that will be so important.

  • Isn't this dare so freeing? It took me to a whole other level as I am sure you are now feeling. Keep at it! You know there are still going to be good days and bad, but Christ never leaves you! Great job getting through this dare. I know it isn't easy.

    - Jenn

  • It is because you did not manipulate the dare. You took it at face value and trusted Christ.

    This is the way each day should be when it comes to trusting Christ. You can NEVER go wrong with this!

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