Collaborate without boundaries

Re: Day 26

Day 26

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  • This was a difficult one for me.  It is easy to pick others faults - but to face your own demons and ask foregiveness was heart wrenching.  I was so afraid of using the wrong words such as "I'm sorry, but....".  I prayed for the words and started writing in my journal.  The first thing to come was that I had to not blame anyone or anything in my past.  These were my actions and I need to be held accountable and seek foregiveness.

    I started writing and the flood gate just opened.  The words were there - and the list was way too long; but I felt a need to be specific.  This was interesting as compared to the dare where I forgave my spouse.  I listed everything (much shorter than my list) so I knew what I was forgiving her for - but the words that came for that dare were simply "I forgive you" - I didn't share the list.  Again for mine I felt the need to be specific.

    Most of the afternoon I sought foregiveness and guidance from the Lord.  I felt at peace.

    When my spouse got home I started talking.  At first she was impatient; after about 20 minutes when I was done her response was - I forgive you.  But it was kind of an empty statement.  You know kind of like when someone says - "I love you" and you automatically, with out thinking respond "I love you too".

    Her follow up question was - Now what are you going to do with this new you?

    We appear to still be on the path for divorce... as she is openly talking about it.  I'm all in - the wounds are fresh.

     

  • Of course she is talking about it. Remember, until your testimony is certain to her, it will be a con.

    But that is OK. Continue your dares, and live with Christ in your heart. That is what is going to prove to her you are anew.

    Be careful as well. When she realizes you are happier than she even with all that is going on, in her mind that will not be fair. Then she will do whatever it takes to get a reaction out of you. But the downfall is, that reaction can set your testimony back to being a con to her....

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