Did this Dare about a little while after he told me he wanted a difforce. He said he would gladly forgive me, but I haven't felt he has forgiven me. I started doing the things I apoligized for, talking to other people about him. Stopped now to a great degree. Still am not at the point where I am able to resist completly. I don't feel I can apoligize and regonize all of the wrongs to him, untill I have managed to ban them from my life for good.
I keep praying and keep asking God to help me and everyday is getting better.
I may be off base here. But I think you are being a little hard on yourself about this. You need people to talk to, and are seeking help.
I believe much of it, should be to Christ. But when you are talking to others are you being open or being degrading about your husband. And if you really need to talk about it, then maybe a counselor.
When I talk to other people, I'm being open. But I feel sometimes I am to open. I think my husband is really this angry with me, because he feels I publicly nailed him to a cross. He doesn't talk to much to the same people about the whole divorce and what let up to it as I do. Consecuns is he doesn't know I have been defending him on a whole lot of points, because people tent to be to hard on him. He doesn't know this and doesn't want to hear this. He just thinks I talk negatively about him.
Problem with talking to people is that they often times tent to interpret things wrong or see a reaction and think they know what the reaction is all about. Example: my husband went swimming with the kids at a very nice be it a bit expensive swimmingpool. I was with friends when I talked to my daughter, I knew they went swimming, but didn't know where.So I asked her if they had fun and where they went. She named the place they went and I didn't know which swimmingpool was there so I asked a bit puzzled: "Where?" And she told me again and that she would phone back because they were just getting dressed. I hung up the phone and my friend said where did they go. So I said my daughter told me the place they went, but that I didn't know which swimmingpool was there. We looked it up in the interim and found out which swimmingpool it was. First I was a little sad, because I always wanted to go there with the whole family, then I got a little mad, becuase it was expensive. I talked to my kids, they had had a lot of fun, which I was glad to hear. Next reaction was why do I feel this way, my kids had fun that is the most important thing and I will have to learn to deal with the fact that they will do more things I would have liked to do with the whole family, but of which I won't be a part. I decided to go for a drive to think and clear my head.
This same weekend after I was gone my husband went there with the kids. My friends husband told my husband (he was actually trying to tell my husband he shouldn't be acting like he was by taking the kids to all kind of fun things) that I had gotten really mad and had a hard time copping with those kind of things.
Which in turn made my husband mad and we had a fight about it again, in which I explained just what was going through my mind, and that my friends husband wasn't even there when all of this happened.
So you see, it can be a blessing talking to other people, but it is just as much a curse. So I am talking to a very small group of people now about what is happening, because things can be interpreted so very wrong and my husband doesn't seem to be able to see it in perspective.I talk to my own family and my counselar.
Thanks for the continued advice and help. God bless you.
First you need to understand. No matter who you talk to he will not like it. What he is doing is wrong, and he knows it. His conviction is that people will know what he is doing.
Worry about your journey with Christ. And trust Him. He will handle your husband.