This was probably the easiest dare to complete, so far. At the beginning of this journey, I forgave everything. I forgave every past disappointment, past hurt, past unmet expectation, past painful word, and past rejection.
When I first started seeing my counselor, he asked how my husband contributed to where we were. I truly couldn’t tell him. The words never came to me. I cannot even dredge up those feelings any longer if I wanted to.
I don’t spend my time focusing on the things that irritate me. I do find plenty of things that he does that are just thoughtful. Things I either never noticed before or he didn’t used to do. This weekend, we were completely out of toilet paper. This seems like such a small, trivial thing. He went to the store while I was at a birthday party, bought some, and refilled the roll in every bathroom in our house. What a thoughtful thing to do! I made sure that he knew I felt that way.
Today, my in laws had a cook out to celebrate my birthday (everyone jumped on the celebration wagon this weekend!). My husband offered to do the grilling while we sat outside and enjoyed the weather, which was really hot, so we did move inside to just talk. My husband did get on his phone for a while texting. I just walked away and went to talk to his mom. I can’t dwell on what he’s doing or saying. His sister wanted to talk to him privately about what she should do regarding her husband’s current avoidance of her and try to figure out why he’s been stonewalling. They had some time alone to talk about it. Whether he related how he’s acting to how her husband is reacting, I can’t know. I do believe that through his sister, he is able to see both sides of the equation, and hopefully through him, his sister is able to see both sides as well.
By that night, I was aching to be closer to my husband. That isn’t where we are right now, so I went to our room where it was quiet and prayed. I prayed for patience. The physical closeness will come with time. I will lean on Christ to get me through the hard times, and praise Him the rest of the time.
Christ wants to fill those voids you have... Depend on Him to do so.