BF broke up with me on a Tuesday
and for the next few days I released a furry (10 years worth) of angry words and feelings on him. Then things got really bad one night and I was really worried about the confusion and the sate of mind he was in. I told him that he was very confused and would never find happiness without God and drinking and being meeting women in bars is only temporary that he needed to get right with God at that point I realized that I too was running from the Lord. I convinced him to not move out and rent the spare room in my home for the sake of our daughter needing both parents. The next day BF turned his life over to God. In a lot of ways he's a changed man and in a lot of ways I still end up being hurt by him. That following Sunday God spoke to me in the message at church that I
needed to forgive him. At first I didn’t
want to because I was so hurt. But understand that I cannot
withhold something from someone that God has given me and so I did. Later that day or the next (I was so sleep
deprived I cant remember what day was what) I told BF that I had forgiven him. So a that following week or so I was cleaning
the house and while I was cleaning I was griping and complaining about how selfish and slobby BF
is and I heard God say, “Serve him”. I was like, “what? Now I’m hearing things. I’m losing my mind.” A while later God said it again, “Serve him”. Again I responded in the same manner thinking
I’m going crazy. Again little later I
hear God again tell me to “Serve him”.
At that point I finally realized that I recognize that voice - that is the voice of my God. The same voice I heard when I was asking God
to protect me on the plane and he told me, “I protected you when the trees fell
on your car and will protect you now.” So
I started doing things for him, like vacuuming his room; cleaning his bathroom,
doing his laundry, making him lunch for work every day. He told me to stop and said I was smothering
him. He also complained about me talking
nicer to him by giving him compliments and saying thank you in a more positive
way. I have backed off the compliments a
bit, but still continue to serve him. I told him I cannot disobey my God even
if he isn't comfortable with it.
After a couple long discussions about it he finally told me he cannot
tell me not to do what God told me to do.
He still tells me that I don’t have to do the things I do for him but he
thanks me most of the time and seems a little more comfortable with it.
A month after I was told to serve
BF a friend of mine told me to watch the movie
Fireproof and because of the movie I later heard about this book. I feel that God has been
preparing my heart for this journey way before I ever knew the movie or book existed.
When I come see something BF left lying around or see
something he still has not done that he said he would do I at first become hurt or
irritated, but then I give it to God right away. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm perfect I still struggle with the pain of the break up and broken promises but I used to gripe and swear about BF and now I ask God
to help me with those feelings. I now
see he that he is hurting too and I pray for God to heal the wounds on his heart. Would I like for him to do the things he said
and says he would do? Well yes… Does it
bother me like it used to? No. I am learning to let it go and let God take
care of it. I take my disappointments
and broken dreams to the Lord now. I am
learning to expect nothing and just lean on God for my needs.
Try journaling next in the section where you responded to someone's journal entry. That section is read more often.
do a dare a day, no more, no less. That way you aren't smothering him. that is what you will here often on this site.
This will be a journey, one between you and Christ, not you and him. He will be a tool to mold you.
Therre are a one or two dares that you should not do as intended, because those are reserved for married couples. Other than those two, do the dares the way they are intended to be done, by not changing how to do them. if it says to talk to him in person, do not text or message or call him.
Oh, sorry Ann. when I typed the above response, I did not realize you had previously been on this site.
I want to start a journal but unsure how to navigate this website. Where do I find that option on here?