Day 65—Love still Forgives
you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go.
Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask
Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well.
Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long.
Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."
This chapter rolls around again at such a
pivotal time in my journey. First round it was close thereafter my husband
confessed to his affair and the day before I confessed my own wrong doings.
This round it is in the midst of my husband and I reconciling. I still have
complete forgiveness for my husband, however, it is his support system and the
OW I am still struggling with (typical right?). In one of our conversations
last week, I was able to express this to him. Now I just pray about it daily. I
am grappling with the fact only one person—his brother—ever told him to FIGHT
for our marriage. My support system—though there was doubt (understandably so)
from many—they still supported me and told me to not give up. We all come from
different backgrounds/families/etc, but we all have to remember that Christ
paid the ultimate price for our sins—death and He forgives endlessly with open
arms when we repent. Our forgiveness, anger, and bitterness make prisoners of
ourselves. Our freedom is dependent on our forgiveness—if that is not
convincing I don’t know what is, so I continue to pray for my heart to soften
for each one of those individuals that I will at some point be reunited with
My pastor said something at church yesterday
that really grabbed my attention—“Satan gives destruction in our lives and God
gives good. The casting vote is ours.” So how do we know when Satan is
succeeding? How do we know if he succeeds in our own lives? Cindy Beall, an
author of a book I recently just finished, described it perfectly—“The day we
live in fear and allow our minds and hearts to worry about situations that may
never occur is a day he is winning. These moments of fret and hopelessness are
a complete waste of our precious time and our precious lives and marriages. God
gives restoration, so we needn’t look beyond God for our truth and courage!”
I’ve expressed before, I’ve learned not to have
expectations on this journey, so made sure to tell myself I am not to have any
today since last time my husband and I enjoyed each other’s company, I did not
hear from him for a few days. You KNOW God KNOWS your every thought and feeling
when His timing (as it is NEVER late) reassures you that you are listening to
His directions. I awoke in prayer for the strength to keep what I have learned
in place—to maintain a cemented foundation of his teachings throughout this lifetime journey. I did not contact my
husband even though he told me I could text him more last night. Temptation…not
going to win! Sure enough I was texted consistently throughout the day from him
and even called on a couple of occasions. I did reciprocate, just did not
initiate (not right now anyway). He notified me, just as he said he was going
to yesterday, that he let his brother and Mom know of his decision to move back
in and work on our marriage without any pressure from me—he kindly told them
that he sees the change in me—and that we both look forward to the marriage
we’ve always wanted.
He brought up his lease in one of our
conversations (another area I did not want to pressure, so do not bring it up
myself). The thought was his Mom or brother could take it over. After talking
to them, unfortunately that is not going to happen, so I asked him to touch
base with the realtor to see what options there are and then we will tackle it
together from there. I am not stressed one bit about it—whether we lose money
on it or whether we are able to find another option—it is completely in God’s
That led into a talk about patience and trust in
Christ. When God opens those doors for me, with no hesitation, I step through.
Replacing the carpet is still on my “list” that God gave me, the lease is
another situation for us, and Hawaii is exactly one month away (this one I just
brought up lightly to him last week). Three huge things among many little ones
that I know God is going to work out. I just let my husband know to have
patience and that these are all the pieces of the puzzle that will eventually
come together, I just don’t know how yet, but my trust is completely in Christ.
He ended up inviting me to his place for dinner
tomorrow night. I said it would depend if I have a HOA Board meeting since
tomorrow is one of the nights they were contemplating…sure enough check my
email and it has been pushed to first week of May. Praise God! Dinner
invitation accepted. First time I am actually going to see his place.
Now this is where you need to seek out the next steps in your walk with Christ. When you are back together people tend to ease on their walk. Dont let that happen. There is much more molding to do.