It was a good day. I have been in prayer every day when I wake up, at work during small breaks, and before I go to bed at the minimum. I had the kids over for the evening and we had tacos, it was a good night. I was off of work plenty early though and had enough time to pray on todays dare. God showed me that I needed to ensure that I could not allow myself to look at pornography even on my cell phone, so I downloaded a blocker app for that. I also was shown that I needed to remove some certain friends on facebook whom have been tempting me as of late (they have been saying that my wife is not for me and offering themselves). I also felt the strong need to ensure I do not fall back into the trap of living life to "get things". I do not mind living where I am at right now. I know its tough financially but I see God working around me every day. I noticed Him more in the beauty of things today than I had in days past. I even saw His work in the trees and sky, which I never did before. My interaction with Emily was brief. I was kind though and light hearted. She dropped off and picked up the kids for me, which is something that isnt in our agreement. She did say however that she wanted to think more on the settlement offer she gave me the day prior. I had been praying on the desicion I was to make and left it up to God. I was wrestling hard with the desicion because it was a good financial desicion to take advantage of but agreeing to it would mean the end of my marriage. Even the night before the reason I told her I needed to take some time and think of it was that by agreeing with it meant I would let her go. So God did his work through her and allowed me not to have to make a desicion!
Oh the snow! I had texted Emily and a few friends to wish them to be safe and prayed that no one was killed in the snow today. Today was another short day at work because of a doctors appointment. I also had offered to her to teach her to use the snowblower, but she replied that we were fine. Not sure if she was referring to the kids and herself or the OM and her. She had offered to bring the kids over again (I was to have three and she had a special day with our little girl), and that got me wondering. Our agreement is whoever has less kids at the time will do dropping off and picking up, so I should have been the one to pick up the boys. So I asked her on it and she told me that she is doing that because of the way I make her feel when I am in the house. Her reasoning is that she thinks I snoop around when I am inside. It could possibly be the guilt she is going through by having another man in the house since I am moved out. Either way, I offered to stay in the driveway to pick up the boys, which I did. I saw tire tracks in the snow from the other man's car when I picked them up and my anxiety spiked. Didnt say anything about it, but I took the boys to go sledding. The anxiety continued throughout about half the time we were there and then a revelation hit me that I am having fun with my kids and to enjoy them, so I did. I relaxed immediately. Went to get chinese food with them then Emily came and picked them up. A friend of mine came to drop some things off. As Emily was leaving she gave him a hug but not me. I got pretty jealous, but realized that its ok later. I prayed on forgiving her throughout the day for her affairs, the divorce, the way she treats me, and her hardheartedness. I laid these things at God's feet and forgave her later in the night.
Sean - I realized reading one of your posts that this whole thing is a blessing because it brought me closer to God. I am tempted to almost thank my wife for being that catalyst that brought me to Him.
To gain more understanding of that. Please go read my journals. Start with the older ones first ....
I got a chuckle out of your last statement to Sean. I've been tempted to thank my husband as well, but know that would put fuel on a fire I don't think God is quite ready for me to battle yet. He is working on me though as I can see he is doing in you too!
You know its funny that you both say that. Because I did thank my wife. In fact, I told her that I was so excited to share this new found love be it with her or not.... But it was because of her I was able to get here.
Yeah its just funny how that is. I can totally relate to it (thanking her), and I really understand it. If she hadnt filed, I would never have moved out, my heart would continue to be encased in ice, and I wouldnt know God's love for us.
And your journey pretty much has just begun... Wait til you see what Gods plan does for you!