I am on Day 25 of the Love Dare and this is my first post. My husband left a little over three weeks ago. Since then I have been really trying to focus on the Lord and working through the dares. Last week I felt so close the the Lord! I knew He was leading me and speaking to me. I could feel him all around me. My husband would have nothing to do with me and did not show any sign of reconciliation but I knew that the Lord would take care of me. On Friday, I invited my husband over to discuss splitting up our belongings. There is no part of me that wants a divorce but after speaking with a lawyer on Thursday, I learned that there is nothing that I can do to stop my husband from divorcing me. I felt God leading me to wait for my husband to file but to choose to make the divorce process the least ugly it could be. One step of this was deciding for ourselves who would get what. I prayed all afternoon for my husband and that God would do SOMETHING to give me a glimmer of hope. When my husband arrived, I once again told him that I did not want a divorce and that if he changed his mind before the divorce was final or after the divorce was final, I woudl be waiting for him and more than willing to work on our marriage. He was unable to divide up our belongings -- He told me how much he loved me, that he wanted to work things out. We talked about some of the things he needed from me. He put his wedding band back on and I thought things were really moving in the right direction. I thanked God that my husband would not be filing for divorce Monday as was his original plan. Saturday we texted back and forth and talked on the phone, still planning to work things out. He had even said we could try counseling. Sunday I spoke with him but did not see him and by Monday he was not as sure about the things he had said on Friday and Saturday. He said he needed time to decide if he really wanted to spend his life being married to me. At this point he says he knows that he cares about me but doesn't know if he wants to work through things. Yesterday I didn't hear from him at all. This has been really hard for me. After the breakthrough I had been praying for I was ready to start spending time together and working on our marriage. This seems like such a set back. I don't really know what to do. Continue to call him? Give him space? How can he see that I am changing if we are never around each other.
The past 3 dares have also been difficult for me, simply because I feel as though I can not hear God speaking to me. There are some things I am praying about giving up from day 23 but haven't heard any confirmation from the Lord. Today's dare was on forgiveness. I don't feel anger toward my husband. I just feel love. I know that by putting other things in my life before him, I hurt him and that this is a result of that hurt. I just want the chance to show my husband how much I love him.
I also know that I have to love the Lord more than I love my husband. That i have to want God's will for my life more than I want my husband back. I know that God is using this time to change me and make me more like him. I KNOW all of these things in my head -- but I don't think that I FEEL them in my heart.
Best advice... Focus on your journey. Do what your dares say to do. Dont worry about what is going on with him at the moment. Trust in Christ and know that His plan is what is best.
Prayer and focus is the most important thing right now. For example, you know Christ needs to be before your husband. But right now your focus is on your husband, because of what he is doing your hurt has your attention. Now, switch that. Christ is hurting about you not focusing on Him.
Submit this entire thing to Him....