As i was reading todays dare, i kept thinking I didn't lust after anything... but throughout the day I began to notice it wasn't true. I had been caught up in all the "good" things the world has to offer- material things. A big house with a pool, a bigger car, nicer clothes, etc. Though I do need these things, I wanted too much. And what I had was never good enough. WHere did that lead me? NO where. It made me feel like I still needed more, if only I could do this it would make us happier. WHile I was distracted by the "things" I was ignoring the real important things God had blessed me with: my family. I wasn't very extreme with my possessions- nothing high class- but I always had my sights set on bigger, better, more expensive things. I don't know why. I feel like a part of it was competition...but most of it was selfishness.
I see how my lusting after things made my husband feel like maybe he wasn't good enough or doing enough to make me happy. I would always tell him "thank you for working so hard for us", but then turn around and tell him how we need this or that...did we really need it? Probably not. And I understand now how telling him thanks...BUT... was probably like a slap in the face for him. I never meant to make him feel unworthy, but thats what my lusting after things had done. It was the same with my relationship with God, I think. I would pray, but it was always praying for more and more to make ME happy, but it wasn't ever to pray to be closer to Him. I think both God and my husband felt extremely unappreciated by me.
I heard a great line in a song today..."what do you have if you don't have someone you are afraid to lose". I realized how true that was! I thought that my husband would never leave, so I never thought about how to treat him or how to really love him. Now that he says he doesn't love me, I realize how if I had only loved him how he deserved to be loved, unconditionally, and showed him everyday- maybe we wouldn't be here. The same goes with my relationship with God. Had I only strived to be closer to Him rather than to pray for selfish things, maybe things would be different in life right now. But, I must also have faith in God and know that this was meant to happen, for one reason or another. I don't know what the reason is...maybe to realize how I was mistreating the Lord & my family & how to love them better? Whatever the reason, I know God has a plan, and I will trust Him to lead me to do His will. I have controlled enough of my life & it hasn't gotten me anywhere...It's time to let the Lord take over and follow Him instead of me!
Don't miss the true blessing here. Without God giving you all that, you would never have learned you lust of those things.
Now you know how unimportant those things are, and the best part is, you were always searching for something. Not knowing what it was. Now that you are starting to focus on the Lord you now have found what you have been looking for and where to get it. Where to invest your time....
You are starting to see where comfort and fullness will come from. And my favorite saying of them all. True love has no void. And Christ is that true love.