On day 23 I threw away my adult movies, and erased the ones on my computer. I understood where it was putting unreal expectations on my husband. I have wondered for a long time why our intamacy was scattered. I realize that maybe I was expecting too much. I know that he is not an intimate person, and those times have always been few and far between. It started bothering me more and more though. I ask God everyday to help me accept my husband for who he is instead of who I think he should be. The more I pray about it, the more at ease I feel about it. It does not hurt anymore. He is still making comments on occassion that hurt my feelings, really hard. All I do now is walk away and pray for him and me. From reading others post I know that this could possibly be him fighting what is happening to me. I don't know if he knows exactly what I am doing, although I have never hid the book, or my writings about it. I now feel comfortable reading the book and the Bible in front of him. He does not even ask. What I am unsure about is this...Him and I dated in high school, then were apart for 14 years. God brought us back together and I do understand that He did for a reason, but I crave the relationship we had when we were younger. It seems that could be a type of lust, and I will ask God to guide me in that, but just wanted someone else's take on it.
Great job getting rid of those things. Now, make sure as time goes on as satan pushes you, to look to Christ to keep it away.
Don't crave what you used to have. Because this journey you are now on will give you an experience so much better.
But remember to get that ability to love, you must have Christ. He needs to come first and before your husband. It is then you and your husband have the oppotunity to become one.
He will fight the things you are doing and the changes you are making, because those things cause conviction. Christ will work on him as you are on your journey, because He wants your husband there as well. You just need to be that testimony.