This journey seems to be getting tougher by the week, and for both of us. I was gone on business all last week, which gave me time to think. The only "thinking" I did though was how much I love and missed my wife.
I try not to talk to her about us anymore, it just turns into something negative and I know she doesn't want to talk about things when she doesn't know what she wants to do. I read the book, usually one other supplemental book, and my bible daily. It helps relax me and allow me to clear my mind and think positively when I read.
I'm trying to hard to be patient. Its not easy loving someone who doesn't love you back, especially the way it is now. Sometimes I wonder how long I'm going to be take it? I know I can't go on indefinitely. I used to be so positive she would be able to get back to where we were before, now I'm not so sure.
I'm very worried about her. I know she's got at least as much going on in her head as I do in mine and she's not confiding in anyone, as far as I know. I couldn't imagine not having anyone to talk to, and she won't talk to me about anything. Not yet, anyway.
I know the phase you're in... it's not easy. Here's where you have to assess your love. Unconditional love would stand through anything and for however long it takes. I've come to see this recently & it is still real tough because sometimes I'll feel like haven't I waited enough, how much longer will this take? But in those times, I have to take my mind off of it immediately. Distract myself, pray, read, watch TV- something! The more you wonder the more it drives you nuts! The truth is, I am going to be here for my husband as his wife for however long it takes.
I have also been in the worried stage. I came up with so many reasons for my husbands actions... yet he didn't tell anyone else about his feelings, except for a friend of his. Stop worrying. (I know easier said than done). But really, just stop. When you start to worry, pray. God will take care of it. Trust Him to take care of it! And I know how it feels to want to be there to support and listen...but you need to give her that space.
It all comes with practice. Be patient :)
Tougher by the week... Praise God. I know that sounds unfair. But your journey will only get you to where you need to be with a reason. If everything was OK, you would have continued the path you were on and never found God and His unconditional Love for you.
Not talking about "us", is a great thing. RIght now, worry about your journey with Christ. You must make sure everything is right between you and Him first. And being away and only thinking about her means she is still first in your life. That has to change. But you can only change that by handing it over to Christ. YOU CANNOT DO IT ON YOUR OWN!
Why cant you go on indefinitely? Are you saying you do not have Christ in you and that your love is CONDITIONAL? That is not only conditional, that is selfish....
Remember this journey will prepare you to be in Christs image. And it will not happen over night, but until you can humble yourself to Gods will, He will keep trying!
And quit worrying about her. Worry about your journey with Christ. As you do that, He will work within her. Christ needs you to be that testimony. That is the only way she will be able to make the changes in her life. God is trying to prepare you for her for your marriage.
Give her space. Leave her alone. Don't have meaningful conversations. Don't initiate any physical contact.
This goes against everything I've ever been taught about relationships. The more space I give her, the less I talk to her, the less I touch her, the more distant she becomes.
I'm fighting a losing battle here and I know it. Give the battle over to God and let Him fight it for me. Either way, I feel I'm going to lose her so why not...
No one is saying that. But right now it would be best to do what the dares tell you to do.
You have to come to a trusting lifestyle with Christ. Up to this day your life has been unmanageable on your own.
And you feel you are going to lose her because you are not in control. That is playing God... I wrote a journal yesterday all about that. Please take a few minutes to read it.