Today’s dare fell on my birthday. I knew right away what I was going to let go of. I read too much, and the things that I read are not healthy for my marriage. I read books that give me a skewed idea of what a relationship should be. I watch movies that lead me to believe my happiness is important above everything else, and if I follow what only makes me happy, then I will be content in love. That’s all SO FAR from the truth! I’ve spent the past week loading my Kindle up with books the help me become the person that I’m working on becoming. Memoirs about other women in my same place. Books about improving marriage – not the ones that direct you to do what makes you happy. Devotionals and books on forgiveness… on both sides. Now I can’t put it down! I just want to drink all of it in.
Although it was my birthday, I made no plans for the Friday night. Our daughter was at a sleepover, but I never asked to go out or do anything for the evening. I had NO expectation, and it felt great! It felt even better when my husband came in our bedroom that morning and asked if I had plans for my birthday. I told him that I didn’t have any plans, and we could do something if he’d like to, but I didn’t expect it. He told me to turn that thought around… it was my birthday, and if I wanted to, we could go to dinner wherever I chose. Wow! A real date with my husband! My mind was reeling… I was even nervous. It’s kind of like a first date right now… just one with no physical contact since that still makes him uncomfortable.
I had him take me to an Irish pub about 40 minutes from our home. This gave me car time with him, walking time with him, and allowed us to both try something different at a place that we don’t already have any memories. I asked questions the entire time in the car. At dinner, we talked about how much some of his friends have changed since they got married and had kids. I know that he’s really been questioning who he is and why he’s changed so much. He’s talked twice in the past couple of weeks about how much his friends have changed. I think that it’s really weighing pretty heavily on him. I just let him talk and prompted with questions. We talked for a few minutes about a wedding on the west coast that’s coming up in November. We talked about going together – I have to take that as a good thing!
We had a nice quiet walk back to the car where we walked off the main street and just went around the long way. I got the opportunity to talk about his amazing sense of direction. I just gave him praise wherever the opportunity presented itself, and when the evening was over, and he was sleeping on the couch and I was in our bedroom, I gave praise to the Lord as well. He worked a miracle for my birthday.
The books of following the heart... They are books of this world. Happiness is never found through their ways.