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Day 22 - Love is Faithful

Day 22 - Love is Faithful

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  • After having a bad night last night, I woke up in a very somber mood so I immediately plunged into prayer and the Bible, reading the 2nd Chapter of Proverbs as well as The book of Habakkuk on the suggestion of my mother. I was studying when Shelly came downstairs and she looked at me a bit odd, as this is the first time she's ever seen me reading the Bible at home. She went to the kitchen, and I began praying for God to give me strength and peace when speaking to her to myself. When I was finished studying, she asked why I hadn't left yet and I told her I had more important things to do first, and she seemed to accept these things. She then asked me to rub her back and I did for some time while we chatted. Near the end of the conversation, I told her that my love for her is a choice and comes without stipulations or rules, even if she doesn't want me to love her. She said that's good but things are too far gone for us as I have caused too much damage and she's never forgiven me for it. She said she no longer loves me and won't stay in our home just for our children. She told me it's nice for me that I've gotten better and been saved for a week, but that doesn't erase all of the negatives. I asked her to think about everyone involved and not just herself. I told her that love is a choice, not an emotion, and that everyone can be forgiven for their wrongs. She said she can't forgive me and never will. I dropped this topic and asked if she thought that our children's future was important enough to try to work on things and she didn't answer. I let it go at that and prior to leaving, I told her that I love her no matter what and that won't change. I also said that I was continuing to pray for us. Also, I hit my head hard in our basement this morning and nearly knocked myself out, like He was telling me I was trying to take control again and to simply focus on my relationship with Him and doing the dares. Apparently I learn everything the hard way...

    On my way to work, I was still quite emotionally exhausted and down from the last 2 days. I prayed a lot and contacted a friend who's been helping me spiritually as well as contact my Church and ask for prayer. My friend led me to James 1:2-4 and 2nd Corinthians 12:10, and said we could meet later for a few minutes to talk. I went to my Bible and studied both of these passages and some others, and began to feel a little better. One of the Pastor's from our Church also called me and prayed with me, and I will start counseling with him next week. I feel a lot better and look forward to the rest of my day.

    I've texted her a couple times telling her I love her no matter what choices she makes and that she is very special and important to me. She hasn't replied other than telling me she is uncomfortable around me because I've gone from 1 extreme to the other, and thinks I'm unstable. I didn't reply to this other than telling her I love her and that my changes are positive.

    So my faith and love have been tested a lot, and I remain in both. Faithful and loving to God first and then to Shelly. I think she's still skeptical about this, but seems a little more receptive to the idea. I've invited her to Church again this Sunday. I trust that the Holy Spirit is working on her heart and that she'll see the truth. I am trusting God with this...

  • When I got home from work, I found that she had taken our childrens' overnight bag w/her and the kids. I asked her if she was coming home tonight and found out later that they weren't, and were staying with him. This hit me because I leave for work tomorrow for a few days, and really wanted to spend my last evening with my family. I didn;t fight w/her or start anything negative. I simply told her I would've liked to see them and said I love them all. I cried for a long time as I felt like part of me had been ripped out. I prayed to His love to surround and fill me in my time of need. I also prayed for Him to protect my family and for the Holy Spirit to continue to work on my wife's heart. I have been in Psalms almost all day for guidance and strength.

  • You really need to read these posts again.

    Do your dares. Nothing more, nothing less. That's it. Seek Christ throughout the rest of the day to find the wisdom to understand the dare and look for the same thing in your relationship with Him...

    You are trying to convince her, you are trying to con her. And you a pressuring her to believe what you say. You are not trusting Christ by doing these things.

    Do your dares. Once you do it, that's it. Put margin into the rest of your day with Christ. Leave her to Christ. Her convictions will not be effective because with you controlling the situation it will be justified for her to fit them.

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