I texted my husband what was suggested in the dare today. He didn't really reply. He tried to talk to me about it again tonight but our whole conversation just ended in us arguing. He noted that I was on the phone with a friend and laughing and smiling but then immediately when I went to ask him something my mood changed. Like night and day he said. It's sad but true. I am just so angry and hurt. I know I have to just let it all go but it's such a struggle. UGH. I hate myself. Christ doesn't treat me like this so WHY do I continue to think it's ok to treat my husband whom I claim to love like this. I will justify it with his affair and continued ways he disrespects me and hurts me. But there is no justification in how I talk to him or treat him or go off on him or anything else I do that isn't of love. It's his birthday tomorrow. I have a great dinner planned at a fancy restaurant which we both have been wanting to go to. He loves that chef so I hope it can be a lovely dinner. I want to make a choice to show him I love him even if he is distant and not showing me love right now. I want to love him unconditionally. BUT yet I always get in my own way. I think today was better. I will keep PRAYING for GOD's will in our lives. I will keep praying for his heart. I have to fight harder against these negative thoughts. I can't let satan win. I want so desperately to lead my heart back to my husband. I want to show him how much I love him. OK it's a new day.....perhaps I can give it everything I've got to do this on his birthday.....Love him...listen to him...respect him. I believe with GOD all things are possible.
You are not getting in your own way... You are getting in Christs way. Christ is working on him, just as He is molding you. And everytime you take control, you take away from Christs work.
And when you pray. Pray for Gods will in your and his life. Pray for his salvation. Praying for his heart is more for you than for him... Leave that out for now.
And yes with God all things are possible....
Yeah I thought about that too that I am definitely getting in Christ's way. It's like I find ways to sabotage though too. Like maybe I look for things so we can end up arguing? That's sick. I'm such a control freak so I am having to let that go. Which feels impossible at times but that's only because I am not relying on Christ for everything.
I do pray for all of that for him that you mentioned.
Its not sick. It is the flesh!
You are being molded. You are new in Christ. Take advantage of that.