The weekend wasn't quite what I planned. I slipped on Day 21, Saturday, and missed my morning devotional. It was a dark day. I continued with Dare 21 on Sunday. This morning we signed the papers to list our house for sale.
It was an odd feeling this morning. I woke early and prayed for peace and guidance. We have not been in the same bed for a while and since she was still sleeping I just crawled on top of the covers to be close. I found myself laying my hand on her shoulder and praying for her to have peace and wisdom in the days to come. For the first time in our relationship - I found myself hugging my spouse, of 16 years, and praying that God use my arms to wrap her in love. That His will and His love protect and make our worlds whole, with or without each other .
I've opted to read through Proverbs on this journey.
One step at a time. Listen to every moment, Gods plan is at work.
I'm now on my second round - My how a world can change in 60 days. My spouse has moved away - back to the family farm. I'm in an apartment. If someone had told me my life would take this drastic a turn in 90 days I would have thought them nuts.
I continue to try and find unconditional love. I think the concept of Jesus's love is one about giving it all no matter the cost. Right now I'm very confused with my relationship with God. I continue to pray. In 90 days I had moved from married to what will soon be divorced - selling our house and dismantling 16 years in record time.
He has provided for us - I just struggle so badly to find the patience of "Thy will". What is "Thy will" and how will I know it? How do I let go as the unconditional part of love while still holding on to the hope of love anew? Will this love anew be with my spouse? Is this the foundation of faith. To belive and to continue to love regardless of the hurt and the misuderstanding? Through timing of certain events I AM SURE GOD HAS A HAND IN THIS.
The world is telling me to "let go" and to find things to keep myself busy. I'm not sure what God is telling me - I continue to pray for humbleness, patience, understanding, and strength to make it through another day.
Thy will is the journey in which you have chosen... It will make sense soon enough.
There is more molding to be done, and one of the most important things you can pray for at this time is that wisdom you so desire.
As for the world... Believe it or not, that is a big part of what got you into this mess... The selfishness of the world...
Let Christ lead you, and you lead your heart to Him...