Re: love is Jesus Christ Day 20

So realized something last night. And this morning as i went for my run it became more real to me than ever. I can't change anything. Everthing that has happend or is going to happen is what is meant to happen. Why am i worried about it? Why am i stressing myself out over it? I don't know. Human Nature? I've spent my life making myself miserable and God doesn't want that for me. I have felt sorry and lost, but God does not want that for me. So why am i taking it like that? Human Nature. God has forgiven my past because he is God. I have lied. I have cheated. i am a sinner. So why does my heart hold grudge for the sinners who have done me wrong when God has no grudge with me? Human nature. I can only control my emotions and my actions. Goodness i really feel uplifted. I hope this mind thinking really stays with me. Whatever happens with Angel and I, I realize that i can't force it or rush it. I will still choose to love him, but not choose to be a slave to him. I know that sounds bad, but its how i feel. I am devoted to him, but i feel like i need to be more devoted to Him! My prioties are not straight and i have realized this now. At the half way point. I love Angel and God knows that. He knows my heart. He will bless me and give me my hearts desires when the time is right. I know if i pray for it and i don't receive then it's not right. what else can i do but wait for God to lead me. I will not be perfect and God is not expecting that. I just pray he guides me for the good and the right.

He just told me this morning that he had a job interview next week in San Antonio.  We currently live in Chicago.  It made me sad, but he was so excited.  At first i felt myself being selfish about the interview and was like what about the baby and my stuff, but then after i said it i apologized and said i would help him in anyway i can.  I even offered to look for the flights and car rental.  This makes me sad, but if this is what God wants then I will help in anyway.  I can't change what's going to happen either way.  This could be a good thing.  Either way if this is God's plan then what else can i do but help him get where he wants to be.  

We have been born into this world. Which has corrupted everything of Christ. The true blessing in this journey is that Christ chose you to lead it. But remember this. It is your testimony that will help bring others to Christ.

These realizations you have are extremely important in your growth. And the voids you have will be filled with Christ.

If you have not, take some time and read all my journals, it will help you with all these new understandings.