I prayed to Jesus a lot today. I kept going back to the prayer that is listed for today. I kept having awful images pop up in my mind and I immediately gave them to GOD. I feel a bit more peaceful and calm today. We did not argue. I caught myself a few times getting irritated and just intentionally shut up. I did express how I felt a few times about stuff but it was done calmly. I feel like I am growing. I feel like I did a good job today Being Still and letting GOD do his work. My husband of course asked me all day what was on my mind and I would simply reply nothing. It was obvious I was preoccupied with something at times but it serves no purpose to verbalize what I am wondering about or thinking pertaining to the affair. It always ends in an argument and today I chose not to argue. I just wanted to try my best to LOVE GOD so I could love my husband. I have told him it won't be helpful for me to bring it up and I think he is used to me just telling him whatever is on my mind. I am relying more on GOD! Praise the LORD! I'm trying not to have expectations of my husband cuz it only disappoints me. I'm trying not to worry about him and just focus on ME. I'm trying not to ask him to many questions because I don't want to wonder if he is lying or not. Funny thing is it seems that now that I am backing off he wants to be more open and tell me this or that where as before i would have to ask or nag for it. That's truly GOD's work. I can't believe I am halfway through the dares. It's been a bumpy ride but I know I am growing closer to GOD I can just feel it and it is amazing. I am glad that the section now centers more on JESUS and my walk with him. I know nothing but GOOD will and can come out of this. I try to read as many posts and journals as I can and they truly do give me hope that I will be able to overcome this and become a better person which ultimately is what I think GOD wants me to learn from all this. I feel so blessed to have an incredible GOD that loves me so much.
Go back and read my posts to you again.... Do you see when God gives you strength to leave it? What happens? Your husband starts to push the issue...............
Without him even realizing it, he is wondering if you dont care anymore... Not about the situation, but about him. In his mind if you loved him you would be arguing.
He is so used to your love being shown through emotional negatives he looks for it.
On the face he hates it, sure... But deep down he needs it, to know your love still is there.
Now, the more you trust Christ, the more He molds you, the more you trust Him... The less you will do that. The more your husband will start to change. It may get worse because he will want a negative reaction from you.... This is where your testimony becomes critical.
That will break. But only when your testimony can be proven.
WOW that's pretty intense and crazy. He definitely complains about me yelling and screaming and being negative but you are right he keeps asking what is wrong and does push it. That is totally crazy that he needs it to know that I still love him.
I have to keep changing. I have to stop expecting anything from him. Dunno why I even bother when all I do is get disappointed. Guess cuz I've been used to turning to him all this time and now I must only turn to to CHRIST.
Remember.... Listen to things around this situation that can expose your relationship with Christ.
Remember this journey is between you and Christ. Your husband is the tool.