Day 2 Forum: Love is Kind - Recent Threads

Day 2 - Love is Kind

drkacy2b — Fri, 17 May 2013 22:54:57 GMT

So today, I thought I would make dinner and take it over for Jeff tonight. I’m not sure if he has to work late or not, but I figure it would be better than anything that he has to put together himself on the fly if he does. Even if he doesn’t have to physically have to work late, he probably has a lot to do to wrap things up before his trip next week, and he probably won’t have time to cook. All of a sudden, I’m very nervous about this. Not sure why. Probably because I sent him a text message at lunch time and I haven’t gotten any kind of response from him, which is not unusual, especially if he’s working, but it is making me uneasy. I wonder if our son has said anything to him – not that he knows what I’m up to. More than likely, it’s Satan trying to mess with my head. I’m not going to let him – I will be praying and singing praise songs on my way home from work now.

More later...

Day 2 - Attempting Kindness

AnaK118 — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 19:24:38 GMT

The challenge to not say anything bad isn't really a challenge...it's actually kind of my weapon. I don't like confrontation and he doesn't like being confronted. The result - he is left out in the cold about what I want/need. Sometimes its because I'm too scared to say anything, sometimes its out of spite that he doesn't deserve to know my heart if he doesn't seek it. I'm a woman, I'm a mess.

Monday he got written up at work - for the first time in his entire life. It was over something genuinely ridiculous. I didn't think he was telling me the whole truth, but I went along with it anyways. He brought the form to me to read - it was true - it was ridiculous! He apologized at night before we went to bed that he knew he wasn't being a good provider for our family when things like this happened. I could tell it really crushed him. In the past few days I've given him a few pep talks about how wonderful he is. I'm lucky in the fact I genuinely do not worry about him finding work. He is a super hard worker, he's very talented and is very committed to finding work. I even reminded him of the last 3 job changes and how he was ahead of the game. He thanked me for the talk. It felt really good to be appreciated by him.

I'm trying to convince him to find a new job. He is surrounded by negativity and he brings it home to me. I've been praying for some sort of change - in me, in him, in life, whatever God sees fit. I felt kind of guilty that this being written up was the spark that has him looking for new work and has kind of shaken him from his comfort zone. I know it's not a fix - but it is an added help on the journey.

I kind of failed at the do something nice gesture. My closest attempt was trying to make coffee for him this morning...but I forgot it in the microwave so he actually made it himself...but the stuff was all laid out for him. I thought my second attempt would be to grab yogurt to make sure he had some sort of breakfast. When I gave it to him I joked about the importance of breakfast to keep from being grumpy. Totally realized this was a part of the being written up. Suddenly I felt like that vindictive, conniving woman again. #fail

Please help? Husband move out suddenly/unexpectedly. Day 2 ideas?

wen024 — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 20:01:25 GMT

My situation summed up in my first post here

http://lovedarestories.com/1/f/221/p/37559/55733.aspx#55733

He moved out while I was at work two days ago. No warning. Never once even mentioned he had problems with me. Never admitted to anything ever being amidst even when asked. Just left with everything of "his". He never really got used to the idea of "ours". We have no children together. We share nothing financially. No joint accounts.

Having a hard time thinking of any ideas for what to do to accomplish and complete the Day 2 dare? Our contact is limited to necessary texting at this point.

Day 2- Love is Kind

aSongBird2179 — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:52:47 GMT

Well... yesterday went really good. Better than I thought. I wasn't expecting it to be easy to not say anything negative but it was. My husband and I work together so I figured that it would be hard but it wasn't. This morning, on our way to work, I almost said something very sarcastic about one of his best friends... but I stopped myself. I am so glad that I did. I am looking forward for today.

Day Two

LindsS — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 12:32:08 GMT

I didn't think Day 1 went that well, but I got a hug, a "love you", and a text to have a good day this morning. I'll take it.

My husband recently passed a HUGE test in his field. He took it about 8 times before he passed it, so it was a very big deal to him. He got a large wall certificate that he wanted me to have framed for him. As much as I cared that he passed, I didn't care enough to take the certificate and have it framed. I messed up. I didn’t make a big enough deal or acknowledge all of his hard work. He kept telling me to get the certificate framed, but I let it go because I was too busy. Just because it isn’t on my radar doesn’t mean it’s not on his.

He took the certificate on Saturday morning to the framer. I'm going to pick it up today, pay for it myself, and bring it home. I asked him if he had gotten it yet, and he told me now. So he knows I'm getting it, but I'm still hoping he's willing to forgive me now for what I should have done months ago.

Here's a question: I know I have things to work on. No doubt, I've been a poor wife lately. But my husband has an extremely stressful job, is actually transitioning into a new job, and is very high-stress in general. Two days ago he was talking about buying himself a new car (he needs it) and taking a vacation together. He even wanted to get a sitter for this weekend to watch a movie he wants to see. Is it possible that him waking up yesterday and wanting out is all a product of life in general and not a reflection of our marriage? I would say I have an amazing husband. He's incredible with our kids and has a huge heart. I asked him this morning if he was going to make this easy or hard on me...he laughed and looked at me and said, "I'm going to make this so hard." Is there a chance he might wake up and realize that we're ok?

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Day two has started

Lostinspace — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 18:19:27 GMT

Well this morning I cleaned the kitchen floor for a start which she did not notice, instead she spent two hours repeating all the things I have done and am doing wrong, I sat and listened and agreed with her with zero retaliation, she said many hurtful things which were like burning knives to my heart and I sat there and took it rather than say anything negative, she said she does not think our relationship can be healed and that we should never have been married at all, she wished we were not and that God would forgive her if she divorced me.

I told her I could see our relationship was broken and that I wanted her to be happy in whatever way that came about, I told her I loved her, she basically told me she did not love me anymore, but this is tearing her apart so I suspect she still has some love for me, I told her I wanted us to be together but only if we both wanted that and if we could both love and respect each other for the people we are or have become, I heard the same stuff again about how she is a great Christian and I am immature and a baby Christian at best if at all. (I was born again 20 years ago but backslid a lot over the last ten following depression from my divorce, a time I should have been clinging to God, instead I turned my back).

I actually feel the constant presence of the Holy Spirit now and am praying, reading and spending quality time with God, I feel back on track spiritually even though it feels like my life is done a lot of the time, it is a paradox.

I don't know if my marriage can wait 40 days to prove I am changed or changing, it may not survive a day or a week, in a couple of days time I have to leave the country for a couple of weeks so will be doing it remotely and she is looking forward to me not being around, all I know is that I can see the value of this for me as a person and as a believer and aim to be a better person, I can see already how stubborn and selfish I have been, how angry and lost, I can also see all the times God has been there to save me from myself and all the times I have enjoyed his love, even recently I have felt myself soaring with him.

I just don't want to lose my wife while I feel I have already lost her and my best friend as she has told me she cannot be my friend.

Great Day!

sarahrip — Mon, 18 Feb 2013 03:25:33 GMT

I started the LD and DH agreed to do it with me, so here we go....We are are on day 2. Today I gave him a massage, made his lunch for tomorrow and dished up his dinner and served it to him. DH made and served me coffee this morning.

We had family over today to celebrate our birthdays and I asked DH if he would stay off the computer while we had company and he said he would, and he did for the most part and only got on it a few times, so its a good start.

.I never said anything about it but last night DH was talking about wanting to just relax and be on the computer when he gets home from work everyday for 4 hours, I think he was trying to convince himself that its ok to do that, but knows its not, I'm not sure what is going on but God is working on him I'd say.

day 2

timpinney — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 23:51:36 GMT

So today, it was harder to keep negative comments to myself, especially when I got negativity from her, she allows no mercy, not that I deserve any mercy whatsoever, especially with how I drug her through the mud, but today we talked and I told her that once I get a job, which shouldn't be long im going to help her pay for her schooling, she wants to go back. Coffee was made this morning and lunch was cooked my me this afternoon. So far it seems like I just might get her to marry me by the end of this, fingers crossed

Day 2 Random Act of Kindness

jcrawford1028 — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 03:02:33 GMT

Catching up with my journey here. Day 2 was done two days ago. I had no idea what to do. We haven't seen each other in four months, we don't live together or talk. I was asked by his sister to not have anything to do with the family and he lives with his parents, so I don't want to do anything that way out of respect for that request. A few days ago I found his really nice leather winter work gloves and a few winter hats of his that he liked. I put them in a bag, I wrote him a card expressing my apologies and love and that I'd love to be back in his life however he saw fit. I had messaged him when I found this stuff and he never responded, so for my random of act of kindness I decided to drop these things off at his work as it's recently gotten colder here and he may need these things. He happened to actually be on a vacation day to do an annual thing he does with his uncle, so I left the bag with his boss who assured me that he was back in on Monday and would give it to him then. It was hard being patient knowing that my task of day 2 was done, but wouldn't be seen until day 4. I was frustrated with this, but happy that I got up the courage to go somewhere that he very well could have been. He still has not acknowledged this effort in anyway and I'm okay with that. I'm just doing what God is leading me to do and I have commitment to following this through. I am not giving up.

My unexpected result of Day 2 Love Dare

hqdiame — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 22:11:04 GMT

I was gearing myself up for rejection and , well , anyways, it was very early in the morning about 6am and I nudged her on the arm as she was sleeping to establish a touch contact that was non-sexual. As i was doing this, I also whispered her name softly since it was early in the morning and she tossed and turn a bit and then I nudged her again and she said "what". Not "stop" or "Can't you see I am sleeping" or "knock it off" but "what" even though she may have been awaken from sleep. She lifter her head slightly and said what she said and then I began to tell her that I made her a cup of coffee just the way she likes it. She lay her head down slowly and said "ok". This surprised me since I was gearing up for a major rejection. Even though the point is to extend kindness not to get a positive reaction. Remember unconditional love is the main point. But, nevertheless, I was quite surprised by the reaction from her. I am still kind of unsure what I am doing or if I even should continue to try since her actions towards me have been quite harsh. But, in teh end even if we end up divorced I will have treated her they way she should have been treated for the past 19 years. And perhaps if we don't get back together (praying the opposite though) she will at least know what to look for in a future husband and I will learn what to do to my future wife if at the end of it we do actually get divorced (praying that we are not). Again if it is God's will for us to eventually remarry. So I remain positive but cautious if only to guard my heart but still moving forward.

day two

ShannahLee — Sun, 18 Nov 2012 10:36:17 GMT

So I cooked dinner. I invited him over but he asked if we can do it Sunday. I was really excited wo you can imagine my disappointment.

Love is kind

josiah012 — Tue, 18 Sep 2012 13:19:17 GMT

My wife is currently living 100 miles away. My son's birthday happened to fall on the weekend when I normally get the boys. Of course, I would like to spend the day with my son, but I also know my wife would like to have that day with him. I wrote her the following note:

"If Johanna would like to spend the day with Josiah on his birthday, I can come up to Greensboro on Sunday that week, or any weekday that week."

Every other response I have gotten from my wife has had venom in it for the last 4 1/2 months. This one was at least neutral=)

"Thursday is fine by me."

So I will take a vacation day on Thursday, in order to show my wife love, and to be kind to her. Since, she has asked me for no gifts, or no contact other than about the boys, this was a way God gave me to show kindness.

Day 2 being kind

ppendleton03 — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 11:57:38 GMT

Trying to be kind 3000 miles away

raerodgers — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 12:59:55 GMT

My husband and I have been legally and physically seperated for almost 3 months now. He has left the area to return home for a 2 week vacation. 5 days before he left we were hanging out everyday with our children ( and one time by ourselves, his idea) I decided to start this journey yesterday when I decided instead of dating someone new ( which I already have done) I was going to try to win my husband's heart back. he has promised to call everyday because he has our young son with him. i told him he did not have to since he was on vacation and I know our son is safe but he said he would do it anyway. yesterday we had a 3 minute phone conversation and so it was easy to be kind to him. that is all we talked yesterday. although i wanted to call and text and tell him i missed him adn i love him. i let him be. i have read that doing that is the best way to try to get a man to come back. i did not realize how horrible i was in our marriage until us being seperated. i never knew he was unhappy. but looking back on it how could he have been happy with me being unhappy person? i have been thinking of the things i can do for him while he is in California and me on the east coast. and since we both moved out of our house i left it a mess for him to clean up even including a note saying "i am leaving this house the way you left my life and heart" i have decided i will go paint the walls that need to be painted and have it cleaned before he returns home. i think i am going to try prayer again. i am praying it works.

Round 2 Day 2 - Kindness

JasonEmigh — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 23:47:53 GMT

Today my wife had surgery which she opted to have him take her to and care for her during the recovery. I got into a texting thing with him and it lasted for a while (see my FRUSTRATED journal entry). I had to end it due to being very upset and frustrated. I also heard from Shelly that her surgery went well and she would be discharged today. I told her I love her and asked that she contact me if she needed anything. A couple other texts were exchanged and no other contact. As for today's dare, we got Shelly get well cards for her recovery, but can't send them because I don't know her new address. I'm staying as positive as I can and praying. Thanks to those of you who respond to this and my journals.

Does it get worse?

Disconnected — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 18:14:27 GMT

On Day 1 I learned that I have the patience of a 2 year old. Day 2 I realized that I am a big jerk. I always thought I was kind hearted. Loved kids, animals, etc. I now see why my wife became angry. I have a great habit of "Can I help you with anything?" right as she was finishing. It became a running joke; to me anyway. I didn't realize that my "joke" (and it wasn't done on purpose, my timing was always off) was actually harming the way she saw me. I have come to realize that I cannot change her ways of fighting (screaming, mean and hateful words, constantly interrupting me to prevent me from talking), but I can prevent the issues from arising in the first place. Since we live apart, doing something kind is hard. She doesn't want me around much (migraines). So I chose a few nice words and sent her a text. I HATE texting, but that is the wy she wants to communicate. I spent the morning re-reading Day 1 and the afternoon reading Day 2 and the appendix. Fingers are crossed.

Once again big hands, tiny iPhone. Sorry for any typos.

Love is Kind and Hello

courtney329 — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 19:35:47 GMT

Hello everyone. I am new here but have appreciated reading through people's experiences. I am in an interesting situation -- my husband of nearly four years and I have recently separated. It was both a shock and expected to me but he initiated it. We have been unhappy for awhile...but the moment he actually left, I began to see things clearly for the first time in my life. Over the past 13 days, I feel like I have grown more in my spiritual life than I have over the past 28 years of life. And while I am so sad about this development in my marriage, I am also so thankful that I can finally see all of the things I have been doing wrong, all of the character flaws and most importantly that I have to build a relationship with my God before I can have a successful marriage.

I am not sure where my husband is emotionally, I know I have not been easy to love and that he thinks we will be better apart. In fact, he started the Love Dare on my a few years ago (I didn't know at the time) and I wasn't at a place in my life where I understood or appreciated this wonderful person who did love me. We are texting and emailing, but I don't want to push him. I started the Love Dare yesterday. Today, even though we aren't together, for Love is Kind, I took care of some financial matters that I'd typically expect him to do for us and I also started creating a plan to help a new business he's working on be more profitable leveraging my experience in public relations. I don't know where this journey will take us, but I know it's between me and God and that my marriage and future is in His hands. I ask that your pray for us and I hope that I can do the same for you. I am so excited for this 40 day journey and can't wait to see the person I am on the other side of it. I am so hopeful that the person I am becoming, day by day, is a person that my husband will fall back in love with because its a more perfect love, a love that is modeled after the relationship I am working to have with God.

Thank you for listening and God Bless.

end of day two

Amber — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 02:20:59 GMT

today was very hard....i failed at biting my tounge a couple times....i prayed and cried alot today. also i watched fireproof hence the reason for some of my crying. i decided i was going to get him the peaches he mentioned last night and didnt get much in response. he spent most of family dinner texting his brother and was asleep by eight therefore not even bothering to ask how my day was or even trying to make small talk....god has already made changes in me. i havent been to church in years and i actually find myself excited to go. i pray that i may do better tomorrow with my patience.

Day 2...Not Sure What To Do

Amber — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 13:24:22 GMT

well this is day two for me and i am not sure what to do. my bigger strugle today is leading my heart. i was doing very well with it this morning but i find myself slipping back into anger. i am trying hard to remember the reasons i was so in love three years ago. im praying to find something kind and unexpected to do for my husband. maybe just a loving hug would be all he needs right now....maybe all we both need. i miss our togetherness more than anything. we use to be close to each other, hugging holding hands cuddling, every chance we got and it seems that has been lost. we talked about everything before and now our home is so empty, i pray that our home can be filled with love and laughter again one day very soon. im also thinking about going back to church. if i do ill tell my husband he can come but he doesnt have to.

Day 2

Madeleink — Thu, 19 Jul 2012 08:35:34 GMT

Day 1 was easy for my. I kept at it for 3 days .

Day 2 however is a different story, how do I show act of kindness is my husband asked me just last knight that he wants so space and think that it would be better if he moves out? He does not do the dare with me, but he knows that I am doing it as I asked him to partisipate as well. He did not want to.

not always go as planned.

Manorahsjoy — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 11:12:23 GMT

I had many chances to blow my top off today.

What I had originally planned to do as an act of kindness blew up in my face and I was being blamed for us not making it!

Well, at the end of the day I saw God use the atmosphere that was set by a simple command of love "to be kind" transform the atmosphere in the house.

We watched TBN's praise the Lord programme and the topic was one that is close to my spouses heart, even though he does not recognise it as such yet.

God told me he has a pastoral annointing on him and that he is " a pators best freind and a pastor of the people"

The programme was about soul winning, and my spouse always talks down churches and pastors but he doesnt do anything about it to make it better.

The message was so good, i could never have cooked this one up and I could see that it was something he was very interested in.

The lesson was that to obey God in being kind, we avoided sitting in different rooms, he on the iphone or watching MTV and me looking at him wondering when God will save him so we can get out of this rat hole!

I can truly say, that God indeed got the glory last night and I had nothing to do with it!

no manipulating or proding, just obeying simple words, love is kind and remembering to be patient.

there were moments where i caught my self giving sarcastic remarks in a joking manner, but i realised that they were just hurtful words and i stopped and repented before God

Day 2 love is kind

andrew moore — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 13:23:37 GMT

Love is Kind

MJ — Fri, 25 May 2012 13:44:06 GMT

This was a difficult challenge for me because the idea that I had involved having money. Yesterday, my hubby had his mood swings which is one of my biggest challenges. I called and asked him if there was anything he needed money for because I was thinking of using what I had left and he said no. He asked me what I needed to buy coz he knows that I very seldom say anything about needing money. I hardly spend even my own paycheck. So, I told him that I needed to buy some personal hygiene stuff. When i found out that I couldn't afford what I wanted to get for him, I was so disappointed. Then he asked me again, what I needed to buy...so finally, I said I was gonna come clean and told him that I wanted to get him a bottle of brandy to go with his cigar when he watches the game that night. He asked me why and I told him, no special reason..I just wanted to do something nice for him. He laughed and put his hand on my head while I was driving and said, 'no baby you don't have to do that. I appreciate the thought but, you don't have to." He smiled and dropped to one of his happy moods. Everything was perfect until we got to the gym and he said he was going to meet me at the reception area after he puts his things in the locker room. I have been waiting a long time and he still hasn't come out. Then I remembered that there was a landline phone in the locker room. Then, the thought that he is probably on the phone calling his mistress shattered my mood. I couldn't get my mood back up again but I still tried. While I was making dinner, he kept asking me what was wrong coz he said my mood was not like how it was when we first saw each other that afternoon. I didn't want to say anything anymore to avoid an argument. He asked me how I felt...he asked me if I had any doubts or fears that day and I honestly said Yes, and that I think that was normal. He told me whenever I felt that way, I should pick up the phone and call him to talk. I said, I don't want to even entertain that thought because that is when we start arguing. I said, I have to learn to fight that feeling in me. I know that he is still finding ways to do the things that hurt our relationship but, my faith in God tells me to be patient. I know he will not change overnight, but I see positive responses to my dares. So, in God's time I know my prayers will be heard and we will be ok.

Day 2 - acts of kindness for someone that isn't speaking to you

bigrednks — Sat, 19 May 2012 04:34:24 GMT

Hello, I have started "The Love Dare" yesterday after watching the movie Fireproof. Day 1 was a challenge for me in showing patience towards her. I sent her a bouquet of flowers and a card expressing my apology towards the actions that I have caused her to not want to be with me. I realize that this journey is based upon married couples, but I strongly feel that this can, and should be used for everyone in life. I have strong feelings for this person and don't want to lose her for the actions that I did to make her want some time to herself. I am trying to do this challenge/dare on day 2 but I don't know what I can do for the act of kindness to someone that at present time doesn't want to speak to me or see me. I plan to continue the challenge to show this person that I have changed and that I lost my way while we were together.

Day 2...Love is kind

Lebo Borole — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 12:21:06 GMT

today i spent most of the morning telling him that I love and care about him so much. I am in the process of sending him an email as I will not be seeing him today. I neglected to mention that in my anger to the whole situation I then began an inappropriate relationship with somebody else. The more I write all of the down is the more I being to think that maybe we should break up. It doesnt help that we have both fallen on the same sword, but I can't lie I love him very much.

I believe that God can heal and restore our commitment to each other, I have gone against what God told me to do and now I find myself being the one who cheated. Lord, I'm sorry please forgive for falling the way I have. Please help me forgive those whom I have failed to forgive. Lead me in the path of righteousness and help me live a life lead by you and if you will it, please lead my relationship in the path of freedom, where the road is narrow yet the reward is you. Teach us to endure, forgive and most of all, love. Sweet Jesus I'm sorry please forgive me.