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Re: Trying this again

Trying this again

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  • Hi;

    I have tried to do the challenge several times. The first time I did it together with my husband. We made it to about day 18. I tried on my own a couple times but failed early on. 

    We have now been separated for nearly 3 years, and have a 6 year old son together. 

    Our relationship began wonderfully. But it began to crack around the 5 year mark, because we went to jail for being caught with some marijuana when his daughter tried to commit suicide. The terrible fear that I'd never see my family again caused PTSD and I continued to suffer for a long time after we were released. I turned into a very angry person, and he turned to other women as a way of escape. Every time I'd catch him cheating I would become more bitter and angry and was always throwing his infidelities in his face. We were always having extremely terrible arguments. I wasn't able to see what I was doing wrong because of the pain I was feeling. I felt like I'd been emotionally abandoned when I needed it the most. After roughly 6 years of living through such emotional pain, something in me snapped. My Grandparents pushed us to get married in the midst of our problems. He wss resentful of that. His daughter's ended up purposely sabotaging my wedding day in a big way. I cried and cried for weeks. Then I found an innapropriate text to another girl 3 weeks after we were married, him calling her sexy etc. That's when I snapped. We'd been together for 11 years by this point. 

    I began cheating on him back. I began not giving a crap about my marriage and not caring what he did. Ironically he began to pull towards me when I pulled away. I'm sure it was a big surprise to him when I left him for someone else. 

    I broke up with him after about a month. He was treating me well but he was saying a lot of things that made me realize he had a violent tendency towards women and I didn't want to be around when he turned on me. 


    Fast forward to present day. 


    My husband and I get along extremely well. We hang out together as a family all the time. We go out on dates and vacations as a family as well. We are going to Cuba in the fall, along with his daughters. This will be the first time I've had contact with his daughter's in a long time. 

    I can't let go of my love for him. I want to move on but I cant. I dated one person and he messed up my head. I found out he was treating my son badly behind my back. 

    My husband has been emotionally distant every time I ask if there's a possibility of reconciling though. 

    But over the last few months I've been feeling like there was a spark returning. I've recovered a lot. I still have my moments but for the most part I'm not angry and depressed anymore. 

    Until last week I sneaked a peek at his tablet and discovered he's dating a few different women, including a married woman. :( 

    Now I don't know where I dtand. I cried for days. 

    So I started the dare yesterday. Yesterday's dare was easy. We did hang out a bit but he was quick to push me out the door as he wanted to go see the married woman. He doesn't know that I know about her. I asked him to talk and he shut down. Didn't want to talk. I said it's nothing bad. I said I just wanted to say sorry for letting my depression and bipolar get in the way of our relationship. He started to stop me when I said "I'm sorry" and I said hear me out. He said after that yes that wasn't a bad thing. 

    I need to stop thinking of this as a journey to get my husband back and more as a journey to heal my pain and to become ME again. 

  • Yes, this will be a journey between you and Christ, not you and your husband.  he will be used as a tool to mold you into loving as Christ loves us.  Do a dare a day, no more, no less.  And do not look for a reaction from him or have any expectations of him.  Do not ask him to do the dares, you were called to do them.

    If you haven't yet, seek and accept Christ's forgiveness for the affair(s) and then forgive your husband of his also.

    Things often get worse before better.  But this has purpose.

    Consider journalling next time in the love dare journal section, under the community tab.  If you click on your name in the upper right hand corner, a red tab should appear lower, on the right hand side, Click on that.  

  • Thank you for your reply Tim. I was actually going to say it was my journey with God, but truthfully I haven't been close with Him in a very long time. Yesterday I prayed to Him for a half an hour, asking him to help me with my feelings towards my husband  and my thought when I was done was "I need to try the love dare again."

    I'm counting yesterday as day 1. And today I bought my son a bike helmet so that my husband can take my son for a bike ride. It is definitely something he wouldn't have expected because I have been fearful of letting him take him for a ride.

    I'm Sorry, I'm not very familiar with the site and am just using it on my phone. I glanced around the site but I can't figure out how to do a journal. I will keep trying :)

  • Edit: I finally found the community journals, but not sure how to make a post myself.

    I forgot to add, that I do struggle very much with forgiveness, of myself and my husband. I do really think this is why I've been called back here again, so it is interesting that you mentioned that in your post :)

  • try clicking on the community tab.  Then an oval red link should show up on the right hand side saying new post or something like that.  Click on that, then it may say new journal entry.  Click that and it should lead you to do a love dare journal entry.

    This is a great site, but hard to navigate at times.  Also, type quickly or use a word document and copy and paste.  The journal section can sometimes time you out.  Maybe not so much on making a journal entry, but when replying it can.

    As love comes from God alone and we share his love to others.  Think of forgiveness coming from God or forgiveness being given to you from God, then share that forgivenss with him and others.  A burden will be lifted from your shoulders.

    I can check on this part of the site now and then, but the journal section will be read by others much more so.

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