What I see when I go back to read my dares is I'm aware of my short comings and when I get rejected my love is still there just hard for me to want to do nice things or say nice things.  My love needs to get better at being unconditional and my feelings need to stay in check without reaction. Some were only impossible because I don't see him daily or even talk to him daily as I try to be in touch but he remains silent. Yes I'm completely aware that I need God's help to change my heart and help me love the way He loves me. Lord I pray you show me where I stand with you give me the grace to seek you, find you, and walk with you. I believe God is testing me with feelings to see if I will react or show love after rejection. I feel that I'm still very weak with trust issues, and patience. I'm doing very good with self control and no longer reacting and still showing love even though he won't talk to me. I'm seeing where my weakness is.

What I'm doing is when I feel discouraged and want to quit I think how God has never quit on me. Then I pray that God give me strength and help me stay strong, give me some confirmation or something to know that while I'm sitting still He is working on my situation. 

This morning I was tested once again. I text as I usually do to say good morning and I actually got a text back. He wanted to know if I could cut his hair. My instant reaction was jealousy and to get upset and not want to do it at all because I haven't heard from him much and why should I be nice to him plus I asked to take him out for his bday in which he has so far ignored.  But before I spoke I prayed asking for God's grace and it was revealed to me that many times over I rejected God's love for me yet daily I would ask for God's help and expect Him to answer my prayers. So I showed unconditional love by saying yes I would cut his hair and for just a hug as it was worth more to me than his money.