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Day 19 - Love is impossible

Day 19 - Love is impossible

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  • Today, overall, was a weird day.  I'm still processing it, still praying about it, and still trying to understand it all.

    First of all, the dare.  I'm an early riser, so I had plenty of time to read today's dare and begin my morning with prayer before my wife got up.  Looking back over the previous days dares, I couldn't help but remember that each dare, in its own way had initially felt a little impossible.  The initial feeling upon reading them of, "How am I going to do that?"  But I'm happy to say that none of them have been.  And with each passing day, not to say they get easier, but the initial fear of impossibility is less and less.  Perhaps it's the growing faith and confidence in God and knowing that he is there to provide support and guidance through all things.  With him, all things are possible.

    So, I prayed first thing this morning.  I apologized for saying I was giving over control to him, but not always following through and holding up my end of the bargain.  And then I asked him to show me where I stood.  I asked for a sign, something to show me where I stand, something to show me where this journey was taking me.

    This is the part where I'm having trouble understanding the rest of the days events.  I'm not sure if what happened next was my sign, or if it was unrelated to me.  Shortly after I finished praying I could hear my wife's phone vibrating in the bedroom.  She came out and joined me on the couch a little later and told me that it was her mother calling to let her know that her grandmother was in the hospital with a bad infection and a low white blood cell count.

    Her grandmother is the storybook, sweet, sincere grandmother that everyone should have.  My wife loves her dearly, as do I.  She has never been shy about calling me "her grandson."  I asked my wife is she was okay, if there was something I could do and if she wanted to go to the hospital to visit.  I had plans with a friend that she insisted I keep before we went.  On my way I prayed and asked for God to look after Gram and to provide her with all of the comfort and security she need, and to provide her with a speedy recovery.

    Happily, when we got to the hospital the nurse informed us that her white blood cells were still low, but rising.  A good sign, praise the Lord.  We visited with her for a while and then returned home.

    The reason I'm still trying to process today is because I don't fully understand if her grandmother's health was somehow connected to us or not?  I know God is using my wife as a tool to work through me, but would he use another family member to work through both of us?  The benefit of today, and I feel weird saying that, was that my wife and I spent a lot of time together, and we actually talked.

    I did my best to ask questions about her, her family, the relationship her brother is in, but from time to time the conversation circled back to us, our history, things we did wrong, places we'd visited, etc.  It was kind of nice to be a little nostalgic.  Throughout the conversation, my wife revealed items to me about our marriage, mainly areas she was unhappy with, that I was unaware of.  Which, sadly, was nice.

    So, I guess I just wonder if today's events were God's way of letting me know where I stand.  Perhaps he's letting me know that I'm doing better, and here's a taste of what you had, or what you could maybe have again some day, but you've got a lot more work to do?

    I'll pray on it some more this evening and maybe it will bring me some more clarity.

    Tomorrow, my wife has agreed to attend church in the morning and probably go visit her grandmother again afterwards.  My sister has asked us to stop by as well.  She was hesitant to do so, because she said she didn't want to give everyone the wrong impression, including me.  She has yet to tell anyone of her plans.  

    At this point I feel guilty praying for myself or my wife tonight.  Tonight my prayers are for her/my grandmother.  I pray for continued good health and that God keeps her safe and provides her with all the comfort she needs.

  • Then just pray for Gods will in her life, and in yours. The ability to understand it and live with it.

    Dont think into to much about the situations. No need looking for signs. Christ is walking with you.

  • I will continue to pray for those things.  I'm happy to say yesterday's prayers were answered.  My mother in law called a few hours ago to let us know that Gram is doing much better.  Her white blood cell levels are back to normal.  She's not 100% yet, but definitely doing better.  To steal a phrase the my mother in law said on the phone, "God answers prayers."  That he does indeed.

  • She is correct. And He does answer all prayers. The answer is not always yes!

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