59 – Love IS POSSIBLE with Christ
“Look back over the dares from previous
days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you
realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to
love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the
strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.”
was loud and clear on this dare. No dare has felt impossible even if some of
them couldn’t be completed due to the situation. I still knew I was doing what
God wanted me to. My heart was changed back on my turning point day [day 6] in
round 1 and I have not been the same since. He even took it to a whole new level today. I am still feeling
shocked and hope to be able to write this entry without sounding like a
blubbering idiot. Here it goes—
I wrote about inviting my husband to dinner, but not getting a response. This
morning I got a response. He had texted me apologizing for not responding yesterday.
I didn’t say anything back. I honestly had no idea what to say. Three hours
later I get another text asking how the house is coming. This time I felt okay
to respond—“It is coming along. Did you want to stop by tonight?” His response,
“Yes, but I don’t want you to cook for me.” I simply said okay. Excitement and
butterflies start setting in. Even if it is just to show him where I am at with
getting the house ready to “sale” at least I get to see him! Another few hours
go by and I get another text asking what time I would be home and if I wouldn’t
mind picking up some garlic bread. I was speechless. That meant one of two
things 1. He is bringing dinner over or 2. He needs garlic bread for his own
dinner (stupid, but yes this crossed my mind considering the things that he has
done in the recent past to get a reaction out of me). I responded with no
problem. Thankfully that was about the
time I was to leave work. I think I could have flown home by how flipping
ecstatic I was about this whole thing. I stopped by the store and grabbed some
garlic bread. Got home and changed. Then next thing I know he walks through the
door with….DINNER. He made spaghetti. Needless to say I was SPEECHLESS. It was
the SWEETEST thing ever. He was so self conscious about it because this was
honestly the first real meal he has ever made in our almost 12 years together.
He did a great job and I made sure to tell him that over and over.
only could see the thoughts that were racing through my mind and feel
my heart beating out of my chest. I didn’t know what to think. He had
needed to use my computer and printer. Being honest, I immediately was
divorce papers (so jacked up of me, I know), but rather than going to
right after we were done eating, he sat on the couch and I
am I kidding…blatantly sat as close as I could without touching him. Was
sure where his comfort level was. From there we just started talking. I
control the conversation. He first talked a lot about work and then
going into more of his personal thoughts and emotions. He then grabbed
and held it. After talking a little while more he asked if he could hug
Like I am going to say no! We hugged for a long time, which then led to
kissing. Now I thought for sure I was losing my mind. I think you could
felt both of our hearts beating rapidly. Finally, might as well admit
32 was completed…only 27 days later.
had to hold back tears afterwards. I was sooo in awe of God’s work. My husband
really opened up to me about his brokenness (God’s wake up call sure did come—screw
playing with kid gloves). He apologized for taking the bed, he admitted to
truly hurting me with his affair, he talked about how scared he was, he brought
up severing all ties with the OW by requesting to go to a new detachment asap
even though that means admitting to his work buddies what he did (that is a
HUGE), he said he was going to look at his lease paperwork regarding canceling
it so he can move back in, and much much more.
really got to show God’s work through me during our hours of talking. I was
able to reiterate after him telling me again that I made this look so easy that
it was only by Christ’s strength. I showed him all the work that had been done
on the house and he asked about payments and where I was at with the “sale
process.” Before I answered I honestly had a moment of silence because I was
seriously asking God if He wanted me to be honest about what I had done. He
reassured me without a doubt, YES! So I told my husband that we have not missed
ANY payments. That I made the last one on my own and the house has been painted
as if we were going to keep it. You should have seen his eyes light up. He just
hugged me. I told him about what I felt God told me the morning he moved out
and shared that it was at that moment I’ve never had my faith stronger in Christ—that
even though I have been stretched financially—I have obeyed Him every step of
the way and there is no stopping me.
talked a lot about us and moving forward. He kept telling me he so badly wants
to stop feeling so stressed and such a mess. I smiled inside because I knew all
of this was God’s working in him. His physical and emotional hurts have been
him being broken. My husband was receptive to EVERYTHING I expressed tonight
and I did it in a very light fashion. I was very cautious of my words because I
know he is not where I am when it comes to Christ, however, I do feel he is
getting closer and closer every day. I can see change in him just as he
admitted to seeing change in me.
are so many blessings in how this all worked out. Some that come to mind right
husband did not respond to my invite yesterday for dinner…we wouldn’t have had
any privacy anyway – the tile guy was working on the bathroom. I asked the tile
guy last night before he left if he was going to be by tonight about the same
time. He said no, he had to finish some grout at another house, but would be
back Wednesday. Obviously last night I had no idea what that would mean for
told me to make one more payment on the house—I did!
told me to paint the house, finish the bathrooms, and replace the carpet as if
I am keeping the house—almost done!
*God told me to not contact my husband unless I was told to—I obeyed despite how
HARD that has been especially during dares I got no response—but I can now see
those are moments Christ was working in him.
My husband did invite me to go home to his
place, but I kindly declined. We agreed not to rush things (besides of course the
intimacy that took place in the heat of the moment). We are going to take it
one step at a time as we are both aware there is a long road of healing ahead
of us, but we know our marriage will never be the way it was. We will be NEWLY
married in Christ!
I hate to end here, but I know there is no way
words could even begin to express right now everything I am feeling and
thinking. To sum it up—my heart is filled with GRATITUDE. Praise God!
Thats awesome. And the most famous words.. God is never late!
You have come a long way. And your focus still needs Christ to be first in your life. Your husband can never go back to being number 1.... Number 2, yes....
And remember this journey, remember your building in Christ. Be that testimony your husband needs.
Continue to grow daily....