Day 19 Forum: Love is Impossible - Recent Threads

Dust237 Day 19: Love Is Impossible

dust237 — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 17:56:44 GMT

God is telling me to be ovedient to him and to live his will (as provided in the bible). He wants me to love my wife no matter what, to the end. Right now my heart is filled with the joy of God's love for me. At the same time a lot of hurt and pain from my wife. It is very difficult to continue each day, but evertime I think I can't take anymore, I somehow make it through another day. I feel completely empty yet completely filled inside. I wish I had come to this realization 3 yrs ago, even 3 weeks ago. Maybe my wife sould still be willing to work it out.

Day 59 - Love is Impossible

BeckyA — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 19:10:14 GMT

Today was just a quiet, still day. I took our daughter to church, which my husband stayed home. After church, I made a big lunch for us, and we all sat at the kitchen table to talk about the last couple of days. We hadn’t had any quiet time as a family in days.

After lunch, our daughter went to the computer room to play games, my husband went to the couch to watch movies, and I started cleaning. That was it for the entire afternoon. Towards late afternoon, I sat down to watch a couple of movies with my husband. We decided to go with ice cream for dinner instead of a real dinner. Our daughter was thrilled!

My husband and I visited for a while and talked and laughed about the weekend. We laughed together about one of the movies we were watching and talked all through it. The evening was enjoyable. My husband’s anger seemed to be dissipating. He was easier to talk to and much more open. He didn’t have much to say to his dad… he’s still very angry with him, and his dad has no idea. I don’t want to get involved, and his dad didn’t do anything to warrant a reaction like that.

I don’t feel like any of the dares have been difficult to accomplish. I do notice that this second time around, I am much less manipulative in the dares themselves. Everything isn’t trying to prove how much he needs me and how much I love him. Being around and being an ear that will listen… those are the things that he needs. He doesn’t need anything new or a fancy dinner. He needs my prayers, and to know that he can trust in me enough to tell me what’s happening in his life. I have learned more about his work and his anger in the last 60 days than I have ever known before. Most of the things I’ve learned about him have not been positive.

I am also more aware now that I will be just fine no matter what happens. I can love in a way that I’ve never known before, and that’s such an amazing feeling. I’m ready to give all of that love to him, and it’s hard sometimes to hold back to something that he’s comfortable with. I feel like a changed person. Being still gets easier every day… turning the control over to Christ is easier than I ever could have imagined. It’s in His hands now – what a relief! He can do it so much better than I ever could!

it just humbles you...

Manorahsjoy — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 18:59:45 GMT

Todays dare was like going to meet with God and i was just crying as i read the dare.

I did ask God to show me who I am and where I sit in eternity.

The answer I got was that I am unable to do anything with out Him and that i need to be eternally minded.

When i got home after church, I had such a heavy sleep come over me.

I did not want to talk to any one, i turned the phone off and just let the awsome awareness of God take over me.

Day 19 - Love is Impossible

JasonEmigh — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 23:46:46 GMT

Well, Shelly is still gone, left yesterday with our daughter, and stayed at his house last night apparently due to poor weather... I saved the candle dinner from last night to reheat for tonight, but if they don't come home, I'll save it again. I have prayed a lot today for God to work in her life, and to strengthen my faith. I cleaned our kitchen today, it took a while as it has been a while since it was de-junked. My son helped, and I stayed in a pretty good mood. I have been feeling better lately since turning things over to God and doing my best not to interfere. He is working in my life, and I think she can see it when she's home. I believe this may be why she left again after only 1 night at home, as she can't justify her actions or blame me anymore.

I also did her laundry today, and when I switched the clothes to the dryer, I found a t-shirt with the name the company he owns on it. I may have over-reacted by ripping it up and burning it. Or I may have jumped ahead to Dare #23 Love Always Protects. I may have been out of line, but to me this shirt represents sin and sin/satan no longer have a place in my home. I'm sure she'll be angry when she finds out, and I will just tell her I don't agree with it being in our home. Any advice???

Day 19 - Love is impossible

Dan — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 01:29:13 GMT

Today, overall, was a weird day. I'm still processing it, still praying about it, and still trying to understand it all.

First of all, the dare. I'm an early riser, so I had plenty of time to read today's dare and begin my morning with prayer before my wife got up. Looking back over the previous days dares, I couldn't help but remember that each dare, in its own way had initially felt a little impossible. The initial feeling upon reading them of, "How am I going to do that?" But I'm happy to say that none of them have been. And with each passing day, not to say they get easier, but the initial fear of impossibility is less and less. Perhaps it's the growing faith and confidence in God and knowing that he is there to provide support and guidance through all things. With him, all things are possible.

So, I prayed first thing this morning. I apologized for saying I was giving over control to him, but not always following through and holding up my end of the bargain. And then I asked him to show me where I stood. I asked for a sign, something to show me where I stand, something to show me where this journey was taking me.

This is the part where I'm having trouble understanding the rest of the days events. I'm not sure if what happened next was my sign, or if it was unrelated to me. Shortly after I finished praying I could hear my wife's phone vibrating in the bedroom. She came out and joined me on the couch a little later and told me that it was her mother calling to let her know that her grandmother was in the hospital with a bad infection and a low white blood cell count.

Her grandmother is the storybook, sweet, sincere grandmother that everyone should have. My wife loves her dearly, as do I. She has never been shy about calling me "her grandson." I asked my wife is she was okay, if there was something I could do and if she wanted to go to the hospital to visit. I had plans with a friend that she insisted I keep before we went. On my way I prayed and asked for God to look after Gram and to provide her with all of the comfort and security she need, and to provide her with a speedy recovery.

Happily, when we got to the hospital the nurse informed us that her white blood cells were still low, but rising. A good sign, praise the Lord. We visited with her for a while and then returned home.

The reason I'm still trying to process today is because I don't fully understand if her grandmother's health was somehow connected to us or not? I know God is using my wife as a tool to work through me, but would he use another family member to work through both of us? The benefit of today, and I feel weird saying that, was that my wife and I spent a lot of time together, and we actually talked.

I did my best to ask questions about her, her family, the relationship her brother is in, but from time to time the conversation circled back to us, our history, things we did wrong, places we'd visited, etc. It was kind of nice to be a little nostalgic. Throughout the conversation, my wife revealed items to me about our marriage, mainly areas she was unhappy with, that I was unaware of. Which, sadly, was nice.

So, I guess I just wonder if today's events were God's way of letting me know where I stand. Perhaps he's letting me know that I'm doing better, and here's a taste of what you had, or what you could maybe have again some day, but you've got a lot more work to do?

I'll pray on it some more this evening and maybe it will bring me some more clarity.

Tomorrow, my wife has agreed to attend church in the morning and probably go visit her grandmother again afterwards. My sister has asked us to stop by as well. She was hesitant to do so, because she said she didn't want to give everyone the wrong impression, including me. She has yet to tell anyone of her plans.

At this point I feel guilty praying for myself or my wife tonight. Tonight my prayers are for her/my grandmother. I pray for continued good health and that God keeps her safe and provides her with all the comfort she needs.

Day 59 - Love IS POSSIBLE with Christ

Jenn — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 05:58:15 GMT

Day 59 – Love IS POSSIBLE with Christ

“Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.”

Christ was loud and clear on this dare. No dare has felt impossible even if some of them couldn’t be completed due to the situation. I still knew I was doing what God wanted me to. My heart was changed back on my turning point day [day 6] in round 1 and I have not been the same since. He even took it to a whole new level today. I am still feeling shocked and hope to be able to write this entry without sounding like a blubbering idiot. Here it goes—

Yesterday I wrote about inviting my husband to dinner, but not getting a response. This morning I got a response. He had texted me apologizing for not responding yesterday. I didn’t say anything back. I honestly had no idea what to say. Three hours later I get another text asking how the house is coming. This time I felt okay to respond—“It is coming along. Did you want to stop by tonight?” His response, “Yes, but I don’t want you to cook for me.” I simply said okay. Excitement and butterflies start setting in. Even if it is just to show him where I am at with getting the house ready to “sale” at least I get to see him! Another few hours go by and I get another text asking what time I would be home and if I wouldn’t mind picking up some garlic bread. I was speechless. That meant one of two things 1. He is bringing dinner over or 2. He needs garlic bread for his own dinner (stupid, but yes this crossed my mind considering the things that he has done in the recent past to get a reaction out of me). I responded with no problem. Thankfully that was about the time I was to leave work. I think I could have flown home by how flipping ecstatic I was about this whole thing. I stopped by the store and grabbed some garlic bread. Got home and changed. Then next thing I know he walks through the door with….DINNER. He made spaghetti. Needless to say I was SPEECHLESS. It was the SWEETEST thing ever. He was so self conscious about it because this was honestly the first real meal he has ever made in our almost 12 years together. He did a great job and I made sure to tell him that over and over.

If you only could see the thoughts that were racing through my mind and feel my heart beating out of my chest. I didn’t know what to think. He had mentioned he needed to use my computer and printer. Being honest, I immediately was thinking divorce papers (so jacked up of me, I know), but rather than going to use it right after we were done eating, he sat on the couch and I nonchalantly…oh who am I kidding…blatantly sat as close as I could without touching him. Was not sure where his comfort level was. From there we just started talking. I let him control the conversation. He first talked a lot about work and then started going into more of his personal thoughts and emotions. He then grabbed my hand and held it. After talking a little while more he asked if he could hug me. Like I am going to say no! We hugged for a long time, which then led to kissing. Now I thought for sure I was losing my mind. I think you could have felt both of our hearts beating rapidly. Finally, might as well admit it…dare 32 was completed…only 27 days later.

I had to hold back tears afterwards. I was sooo in awe of God’s work. My husband really opened up to me about his brokenness (God’s wake up call sure did come—screw playing with kid gloves). He apologized for taking the bed, he admitted to truly hurting me with his affair, he talked about how scared he was, he brought up severing all ties with the OW by requesting to go to a new detachment asap even though that means admitting to his work buddies what he did (that is a HUGE), he said he was going to look at his lease paperwork regarding canceling it so he can move back in, and much much more.

I really got to show God’s work through me during our hours of talking. I was able to reiterate after him telling me again that I made this look so easy that it was only by Christ’s strength. I showed him all the work that had been done on the house and he asked about payments and where I was at with the “sale process.” Before I answered I honestly had a moment of silence because I was seriously asking God if He wanted me to be honest about what I had done. He reassured me without a doubt, YES! So I told my husband that we have not missed ANY payments. That I made the last one on my own and the house has been painted as if we were going to keep it. You should have seen his eyes light up. He just hugged me. I told him about what I felt God told me the morning he moved out and shared that it was at that moment I’ve never had my faith stronger in Christ—that even though I have been stretched financially—I have obeyed Him every step of the way and there is no stopping me.

We talked a lot about us and moving forward. He kept telling me he so badly wants to stop feeling so stressed and such a mess. I smiled inside because I knew all of this was God’s working in him. His physical and emotional hurts have been him being broken. My husband was receptive to EVERYTHING I expressed tonight and I did it in a very light fashion. I was very cautious of my words because I know he is not where I am when it comes to Christ, however, I do feel he is getting closer and closer every day. I can see change in him just as he admitted to seeing change in me.

There are so many blessings in how this all worked out. Some that come to mind right now—

*My husband did not respond to my invite yesterday for dinner…we wouldn’t have had any privacy anyway – the tile guy was working on the bathroom. I asked the tile guy last night before he left if he was going to be by tonight about the same time. He said no, he had to finish some grout at another house, but would be back Wednesday. Obviously last night I had no idea what that would mean for tonight…

*God told me to make one more payment on the house—I did!

*God told me to paint the house, finish the bathrooms, and replace the carpet as if I am keeping the house—almost done!

*God told me to not contact my husband unless I was told to—I obeyed despite how HARD that has been especially during dares I got no response—but I can now see those are moments Christ was working in him.

My husband did invite me to go home to his place, but I kindly declined. We agreed not to rush things (besides of course the intimacy that took place in the heat of the moment). We are going to take it one step at a time as we are both aware there is a long road of healing ahead of us, but we know our marriage will never be the way it was. We will be NEWLY married in Christ!

I hate to end here, but I know there is no way words could even begin to express right now everything I am feeling and thinking. To sum it up—my heart is filled with GRATITUDE. Praise God!

Day 19. Loving the "My" way....

ThomasYazzie — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 20:24:50 GMT

By reading today's Dare. It prompted me to think back at my past on how I used to "Love". The way God has His Love for us is way different than how we portray love from our own hearts. I know without God in my life I wouldn't love my wife as I should, be with her as I should, and comfort her as I should. As I draw closer to my Lord, my fondness to my wife has gotten sweeter. For those who are struggling, don't give up! Keep walking, and praying. Going thru that fire makes you refined as fine gold. Press on!

Day 19 - Love is Impossible

Jenn — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 06:06:22 GMT

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Day 19—Love is Impossible

I wouldn’t say there were any dares from previous days that seemed impossible to want to do. There were/are ones I just simply couldn’t do due to the situation of that particular day. Day 7, I call my ‘turning point’ day is when I would say I accepted the love he was giving me for my husband from that day forward despite everything that has taken place and has yet to come.

“The secret this chapter points out is that you cannot manufacture unconditional love out of your own heart. It’s impossible. It’s beyond your capabilities. It’s beyond all our capabilities. So how can we do it? It’s something only God can do. But because of His great love for you—and His love for your spouse—He chooses to express His love through you.” I find the question is - will YOU accept it?

I can honestly say I have, which allows me to continue through this journey no matter how horrible my husband may be treating me out of his own guilt/anger/hurt. It was another rough morning of very hurtful words, but I take what God has given me—patience, grace, unconditional love—and put it to work at full force.

I am still holding on to something that is causing me to carry around some of my own continued guilt (was not disclosed in Day 17). In God’s time, it will be let go. After tonight I can truly see God’s plan with this particular situation carrying itself out more and more. Most likely another storm is coming with it, but I KNOW I will get through it.

“The truth is you can’t live without Him and you can’t love without Him. But there is not telling what He could do in your marriage if you put your trust in Him.” <--- Amen!

Day #19 - Love is impossible.............Yep sure is!

Jason — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 08:59:33 GMT

This is my first post in the forum, however I have been browsing and reading the journal entries since I started on day 1.

My story:

My wife and I have been married for 9 and a half years. We got married young (I 21, her 18), and she had a son already (10 now). We had two more children (both boys, ages 8 and 7 now), while I was serving in the military. We eloped after 6 months of knowing each other, and did not have God in our lives at all for the first 7 years of our marriage.

We both come from broken homes and parents with multiple divorces. At the start of our marriage we had made an extra promise to never divorce. Needless to say, since we didnt have God in our lives, we did not have very good modeling to live our marriage by. I became the stereotypical breadwinner, while she put on the image of a suzie homemaker. The first few years, I was adjusting to being a new husband and a new father over a baby boy that wasnt mine. I did not control my anger well. I never hit her, but I made her feel unsafe. Our communication with each other started having issues right then and there, and it wasnt long before we had sexual issues as well.

In 2005, I noticed a voicemail on her phone from another man calling her sweetcheeks. In 2007, things came to a head when I discovered she was having a full blown affair. She became pregnant with our 4th child due to this affair. I do recognize how horrible of a husband I was through counseling. We separated for most of 2008, and I had an affair (of which I did not tell her). I also had problems with pornography. I spent the majority of the year in counseling for depression and anxiety. In the summer, she accepted me back and even though we were separated by distance, we tried to work on things.

At the end of 2008 I moved back in with my family. She had stopped contact with the OM, but we had this new baby. It took a long time for me to learn to love this little girl, but over the next couple years I did. She is a beautiful little girl and looks like her mother. We started attending church more frequently but did not give ourselves over to God like we should have. I thought things were alright, but looking back they were pretty marginal.

In summer of 2011, she started meeting guys behind my back. Nothing had changed with our marriage. We never got any counseling or help with our issues. In November last year I was served (by surprise) with divorce papers from my Mother in Law. My wife said the reason was because she saw pornography on the computer history (which was true). I stayed arrogant thinking that my wife would change her mind about getting divorced but she did not. I moved out of the house the last weekend in January.

The first weekend I was on my own, I cried most of the weekend. I felt the Lord convicting me. At that time I knew I had to work on my marriage and start a relationship with God. Going to walmart that weekend, I saw Fireproof in the $5 bin. I figured this was a sign since we had seen the movie before as part of a group but flaked out on some of the exercises. So I bought the movie and started the dares.

Some of the dares have been tough, some easy.

I recently found out she has started dating another man since the week I moved out. She has told me not to even enter the house I used to live in upon advice from her lawyer.

Ok now as far as today. I spent most of the day on my knees praying for the Lord to show me the path and what I need to do. I had recieved a letter about a court hearing that was bothering me financially. Then guess what, my divorce care group discussion was on finances! While I was doing the homework I felt a wave of peace that I would be OK financially no matter what. My counseling session was tough. We focused on all the sins I committed that led to my wife's desicions and how the root of that was basically her trying to meet the needs that I neglected. I cried later that night with my mother and admitted to her that I have been a horrible husband.

What I am looking for is a bit of help and encouragement. I feel at times like I am lost, and I cannot always discern what the Lord is trying to tell me from what my head or Satan is putting there. I am trying my best to focus only on the dares and my relationship with God but I have gotten weak at times and tried talking with my wife about things and telling her I love her and such. This has only pushed her further away.

Day 19: Feels impossible

HKOakland — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 07:25:24 GMT

The aruging just continues from last night's fight. I'm so tired. Tired of yelling. Tired of aruging. Tired of fighting. Right now I'm still so upset with him and his recent actions and trying to justify that is ok. He just doesn't get it. I really can't stand him right now cuz all I want to do is go off on him. Which I have been most of the day. I have nothing positive to say to him. Just angry words. I can't even muster any love for him at this moment. I know I can't stay in this negativity. He had plans to go see some high school friends for dinner. So he did that and I did ask him how do I know you are really not going to see the other woman? How do I know you are not calling her still? How do I know it's over? I don't know. And he will continue to say whatever he says which have always been lies this whole year. I don't trust him. I don't believe him. SO I know I must let GOD know ok I dunno what to do here but I TRUST YOU GOD. I have to just focus on that. I have to BELIEVE that GOD will take care of all of this. I reviewed all the dares and looked at my notes from them. I wrote them all out on a list so I could go to them quickly. I need to focus on the ones I struggled with and also incorporate as much as I can everyday. I don't want to live in this misery anymore. I am hoping tomorrow will be a new day and it will be better than today. I pray GOD will change my heart and give me the strength to lead my heart.

Just like the movie

coloradojim — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 14:58:44 GMT

I'm just joining this group and have been doing the dares now for about a month. I'm on day #19 and have realized that i'm really living the Fireproof movie. The part that really hit home to me is when Caleb's dad is in his office and has just heard a message from his son. He says to himself in essence...Oh Caleb, this is where it gets hard.

I'm there...my wife and I have been married for 27 years and I'm just now realizing how I have lived a separate life from her and not really involved her in my life at all. We have the picture-perfect family with 4 children, 1 married, 1 in college, two in high school and my wife is going through some terribly difficult times with me. I think that it has all built up over the past 27 years and that this is what I have created. She threw her wedding ring into the lake 2 days ago and told me that she was through with me. Each day becomes progressively harder and I have leaned on the Lord to help me/us through these times but don't feel any support at the moment. My wife has told me numerous times that she wants a divorce and finds it difficult to even deal with me in the simplest situations. We have never had any unfaithfulness in our marriage and have been living gospel principles consistently. I seem to be the problem in that I don't include my wife in my life at all. If I do, it is only with very surface things. I need to develop the courage to put myself out there and involve her in everything knowing that it will be very hard and painful at times...this is where I need some strength from others as well as from the Lord.

I know that there are others struggling with the same things that I am and my heart goes out to all of you. I understand the pain the this causes and I would ask for your prayers for my wife and myself and will also give the same in return for each of you and your spouses.

IT is feeling very impossible right now!

summersnowflake — Fri, 06 May 2011 18:13:50 GMT

I feel like I am growing with God. but am losing my husband. He talks of nothing but divorce and what it will be like and dating other people and everything. My heart clenches every time he says something like that. I want to give up. I want to tell him to quit calling and coming by. I want to just be done with all this pain. I won't....but I want to. I can't fix this by myself and I know that but I feel so helpless and on some days very hopeless. Everything seems impossible right now. I couldn't do dare 18 because we don't live together and he won't go on a date. I greet him every morning with a text saying have a great day and I love you. No response, ever. I know that I am not to have expecations but its hard to look at the phone and see no response. I need peace in my heart to let things go and not think negatively. Please Lord, grant me peace to continue on this journey with you, please continue to open my eyes to my selfish ways, please continue to work in J's heart. these things I pray in your name, Amen.

Round 3 - Day 99

Melissa — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 11:38:26 GMT

God wants me. He is calling my name loud and clear. He wants more from me. He wants to be my everything. He wants to fill every void I have. He wants to be the one that gives me my happiness and joy. He wants to me to cry out to Him. He wants me to run to Him. He wants me to stop resisting and to just allow Him to fill me with His Love. He wants me to be hidden in Him so He can shine through me for all to see His love. He wants to pour His love out unto me.

I want God. I call out His name loud and clear. I want more from Him. He is my everything. I want Him to take all my hurt, pain, and worries away. I turn to Him for my acceptance, happiness, and joy. I cry out to Him. I run to Him. I'm letting go. HE IS MY EVERYTHING!!!

I love this Dare. It puts everything right back into perspective for me. My eyes are focused on Him and nothing is impossible with Him by my side!

Day 19

Dave_71 — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 02:52:14 GMT

I read over and pondered the the previous 18 dares. There's no doubt that I've realized how selfish, manipulative and childish I was. I had always thought I was amazing husband because of many reasons, but I was judging myself against other men... and even those men were not necessarily the "cream of the crop". When I compare myself against Christ, the One I should have sought to be like in the first place, I fall way short.

It's not that I can say Melanie is faultless in our marriage... it's just that I have no control over her actions. I have full control over mine. Yes, the enemy is cunning and baffling and he can lead your thoughts and then use them against you, but I still had a choice to please Christ.

Now, Melanie has moved out and there is currently no contact between us. From time to time, this frustrates me. At first, I did not care much about reconciliation, but I did began caring about pleasing God. While I didn't understand why I had to "not give up" then, God has made it clear to me now. I must bear the cross of divorce and separation to be a testimony to Melanie. Don't misunderstand, this journey is between me and Christ. And praise God He has been faithful in making fundamental changes in my life that may never had occurred had become the utter mess I had become.

It's not easy. I struggle with the flesh daily. It would be so easy to give up, get this divorce over with, and move on. Maybe someone else would give me a chance to show her my new-found abilities in Christ, lol. But what about Melanie? Whether she realizes it, or even cares, I have responded to her in a Christ-like manner. That's not a pat on my back, it's the result of a spiritual transformation brought about by accepting Christ as my Savior and seeking to conform to His image. If I react to her as the world would, it could be a stumbling block to her. I could do a hundred things right, but if I was to sign the papers and go out on a date, it may be enough to harden her heart to Christ forever. And I even was angry at God this afternoon. Why lead me to this when I was ready to walk away only to be completely shut out? That's something I'll have to pray about tonight... and hard.

And what about my journey? What would happen if I just gave up now? Would the dares produce the same effect if I did them on my next wife? What if I don't remarry? I don't know, but I do know that this has been the most amazing journey of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Dare 19

matthewhager — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 13:01:57 GMT

Well today was a tough day for me, feeling very sad, wondering why this is all happening to me and my family. Kept turning to God to give me strength through all of this and pray for my wife that he helps her realize what she is missing and allow him back in her life. Some things happened in the afternoon when she came home. One was that tonight(Fri.) we have bingo at our school and asked my kids if they would like to go and asked her if she wanted to join us, which she declined but she came home and asked the girls if they want to do a girl weekend this weekend at her sisters cabin. Well I got trumped, no bingo, also we were suppose to go to counseling together for the first time tomorrow and she said she is not ready yet. I do not want to push her and so I said ok. I gues it must be Gods way saying let me deal with her. SO I stayed calm and humble with out questioning anything and continue to pray.

Round 2 - Day 59

Melissa — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 18:05:31 GMT

I'm finally back. I have had an extremely crazy past couple of days. Work was insane on Friday and then I drove up to Cleveland to visit with my family. I got back on Sunday night, went to my cheerleaders basketball game and got home around 10pm. This weekend was very difficult for me because it is the first time that I have been pulled out of my daily routines. I have certain times during the day that I set margin in my life to focus on my journey with Christ, and I have not had that for the past 4 days. I realized how much I need it!!! I broke down on Sunday on the way home from Cleveland. I was feeling very tired and drained. The only people in my family that know about my husband and I are my parents. It was so hard to "pretend" like everything is OK between my husband and me to my siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. They would ask about him, our house, life, and want me to tell him how much they miss him. I feel like I have to protect my husband and that is why I do not want to tell my family about this. It was definitely difficult though. I caught myself focusing more on my husband and less on God. I found myself focusing more on my husband wanting a divorce than trusting God and his timing. This was the first time in 2 weeks that the flesh got the best of me. Once I was able to add some margin into my life last night and this morning, I am back on track. THANK GOD!!! If this weekend taught me anything, it is that I never want to live my life without Christ. I can't even handle not having that daily margin in my life every day. I tried to add as much margin in as I could over the weekend, it was just jam packed every day from early in the morning until late at night with family functions. Next time, I will find ways to add margin and just inform my parents that I cannot participate in some things because I need to be with God. They will understand.

For today’s dare, I do know that I need to receive and accept God’s love into my life daily. I know that His love is the only true love. I pray that He fills me with His love daily so I can give it to my husband. I do feel like that have been so focused on loving God and getting right with Him, that I have put up a wall in loving my husband. Sometime I don’t want to love him. Sometimes I don’t want to do loving things. I know that I must. I may not feel like it, but my feelings will soon catch up with my actions. I’m doing this because God wants me to, not necessarily because I want to. I always feel good after showing my husband love though. I believe that is the oneness, when I love him, I’m loving myself in return:)

Day 19

cwest — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 04:27:24 GMT

I have a personal relationship with Christ and recognize him as my savior who died on the cross for my sins. The only dares that seemed impossible were the ones I couldn't do while my husband wasn't around. When he wouldn't respond (meaning complete silence), it felt pointless to do anymore. My husband cut me off and wouldn't respond to any messages I left him. I recognize the fact that I can not love my husband perfectly as he needs to be loved. I realize that I need to completely submit to God. It has been hard to trust that things will work out between us because he has free will to walk away. I was very focused on my husband's behavior and hinging the outcome of our marriage solely on him. There are days when I am ready to move on and then I feel bad because what if my husband comes around? I would give up "so easily"? I know God lets us have our sinful desires sometimes, but other times he stops us in our tracks. I ask God for the strength and courage to continue doing these dares and to continue loving my husband even though he completely rejects me. I know I am feeling the smallest of a fraction of what Christ felt being rejected. Oh how he must love us! I can't comprehend that much love. I can't wait til I am able to look into Jesus' eyes and feel his complete and wonderful love with no hurt. I long to get a hug from Jesus.

dare 19

forever512 — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 03:14:31 GMT

God has blessed me throughout this journey by replacing my tears with smiles & replacing my anger with love. I have had a couple people in my family say that I've had a year to process everything & that's why I'm doing so much better after he left this time verses when he left this time last year. I cannot believe though, that if God wasn't here with me that I would ever be so strong right now. And even more than strong... but I have been able to truly forgive, to truly know and understand how to love & to truly trust. Even when I started this journey back in October, yea I was telling everyone I'd be fine... but inside so much pain overwhelmed me. I was still so angry with him for everything. I still blamed him for everything. And as my journey with God continued, I was graced with gifts of wisdom & understanding & strength & courage & love. I am convinced I would be a wreck right now if I hadn't returned back to God.

I'm so lucky to be on this journey. I am so lucky to be blessed by God with so many blessings in my life. I am so lucky, that finally, i understand and know how to truly love someone unconditionally. And looking at all the blessings I have, I know God will continue to bless me with even more happiness & love that I can share with others.

the Secret

Serilium — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 18:07:38 GMT

As hard as the last week or two have been, I'm not stopping. Its not really been difficult in my marriage per se, but I haven't really been paying too much attention to what is going on there. My grandmother is probably getting to her last days, so I've been having to help my parents take care of her and sit with her while they are "arranging" everythign. :( I don't like that they are doing this, but is better now then later.

I definitely had days that were hard. It was really hard at first to keep doing nice things for someone who did not notice or appreciate. Thank goodness I had encouragement from friends online and in my church to keep me going. One important thing was when our marriage mentorship couple mentioned that I needed to be the testimony to my husband. That is the crux of the love dare. The love dare is just a tool, to mold us into the people that God wants us to be. We have to stand on God's promises and do what God's will is for us.

I cannot truly love my husband without being filled with God's love. I cannot do God's will without being in contact with God on a daily basis. How will I hear the "still small voice" of God if it is drowned out by my worries, or the constant clatter of this world.

I HAVE to be in God's word every day. I HAVE to be in prayer everyday. That is my realization for Day 19.

Round 2/dare 19

forever512 — Tue, 07 Dec 2010 04:27:24 GMT

This time around I have pretty much tried to complete all the dares to the best of my ability and with full trust in the Lord. It hasn't been eaasy so far & it has ruffled a few of my husbands feathers, but it was worth it for God. I thought to myself today about how God gave up his only son for us. I can't imagine anything happening to any one of my kids...I would die for them in a heartbeat. But that wasn't the point God was making when he sent Christ to us as a human being. He was trying to show us how profound and great His love for us is that He was willing to send His only son to us, knowing that we would be the same people to turn our backs on Him. I can't imagine how heartbreaking it was for Him to know what was going to happen, and allow it to happen, for me- am I even worthy of such a sacrafice? It really made me think about how I felt about my husband and our marriage. I love my husband, I want this marriage to work out, but if it is not God's will for it to be then who am I to deny that? It is very possible that God's will for me IS to give up my husband for Him. After He gave up His son for me, how can I not do this one little thing for our great Lord?

It seems that my thoughts were timed perfectly. My husband informed today that he has purchased a futon to use for now (our couch hurts his back) & that he will be able to use when he moves. I can't say I wasn't hurt or angry or upset, because I was a little bit of all of those. But I took the time to talk to God and just ask Him to bring me peace, and He did.

It does hurt & break my heart that my husband is so eager to go...But if that is God's will, I can't stand in His way.

On a different note, I was hoping I could get some advice on a few things. I have a concern about his issue of moving. We are in a lease until August, but he wants to pay our landlord a fee to break the lease in February or so. In the meantime, he wants me to ask my parents if they would let me live in one of their apartments for free (my parents own an apartment complex near by). I am not sure if I feel comfortable doing that. on one hand, I know my parents would help me in any way they can...on the other hand, providing for me & the kids is my husbands job now. I also know how hard my parents have been struggling with the economy affecting thier business (though my husband is convinced they are rich & can afford to pay for everything) and I don't want to be a burdon on them. I also don't know that my parents would allow me to live in their apt for free becasue of their anger towards my husband & their feelings that this is his family & he should take care of us. Finally, on one hand I want to be pleasant with my husband and agreeable with him in asking for their help, but on the other hand I feel like maybe he should be the one to talk to them about it since he is the one that doesn't want to pay anything for the kids & mine rent. Above all, I am trying not to think about it becasue I think somehow it will all work out & I don't think I need to stress about it...maybe it's just my emotional day that's making me think in circles tonight? Thanks for any thoughts!

Day 19

tellomp — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 21:18:16 GMT

I gave my boyfriend the book yesterday after asking the questions and him saying that there was no longer an us. I hope that God puts it in his heart to do the dares and mainly I pray that God can enter his heart and give him the peace that only he can give us. The harder dare was getting him to tell me what things irritate him about me and also getting him to spend "us" time. He does not want to hang out with me just wants to hang out with our daughter and I. It is so hard, he has openly told me that he is hanging out with the girl that he cheated on me with. I try to hold on to the scripture that says "If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them." Luke 6:29. But when is enough, enough? He has brought somebody else into our life and says he does not want to lie to me about it because that is an even bigger disrespect. I want to commit to these 40 days specially since I am almost half way done but knowing that he could possibly be with that woman makes me want to put physical space between us and pray to God to heal my heart and enter his heart.

day 19

David — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 03:06:18 GMT

Tonight I attempted to complete a romantic dinner with part of it falling apart but for the most part things went ok. I pray and I pray for both of us . I don't know what is going to happen but I am learning more each day, it just hurts so much when she is so sure we are done.

Dare 19

AaronGJackson — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 14:58:40 GMT

With the way this chapter is worded in the book, I'm guessing that a majority of people think like I do regarding these dares and marriage and a bunch of things. It's like that chapter was written directly to me. It almost should have been a letter addressed to me. Like the chapter talks about, I have been trying to muster up enough courage, strength, and stubbornness to force unconditional love to come out of me. So since I'm not the type to EVER quit, how am I supposed to just surrender everything to Jesus? Well, as with nearly everything else in my life, I had to make such a mess of it that I cannot salvage anything myself. I was in the pits of despair this morning, and read this chapter. I saw my need and Jesus is supplying it according to His word. Maybe for the first time, I can see my bride as Jesus sees her, His beloved. So, I prayed for Him to heal my broken heart and to show me how to do this thing called Love. No chances yet, but there's a lot of days left. All I can say is that I was broken-hearted and I asked for Him to fill me with His Love and to make me into a vessel of that Love. Something is different. yes, the hurt is still there, but I can feel it leaving. Love keeps no record of wrongs, and the hurt that goes along with them is being chased out by his Love. I hope I described this in a somewhat understandable way, but it's nearly impossible to put into words.

Dare 19

forever512 — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 00:56:02 GMT

I thought the dares so far were easy. I thought they seemed kind of elementary & I didn't really see the big picture. But after several days of being kind, loving, giving into a fight & just doing loving things for my husband, I began to slightly see how this would all add up. Now, though- I get it. From the beginning I heard that this is a journey for me, not necessarily my husband and i...I didn't quite understnad that. UNtil recently.

IT's hard for me to say how selfish and controling I have been pretty much the whole time I have known my husband (10 years now). I never thought of it that way, but looking back I see how I have always been super impatient, I would get angry when things didn't go my way, I would insist that my family was more important than his, I would take my families side over his...and I always wanted more. I am caught in a wave of guilt now that I see all this and it took me soo long to figure out...

I look back on all the dares and I try to apply them on a daily basis if possible. The one dare I didn't really do (though I attempted) was Dare 5... my husband thought it was pointless to talk to me about the things that I do that annoy or frustrate him since he felt like he's been telling me for a long time, and I didn't listen anyway. The fact is, he was right.

Our God is so good. Without the Lord, I would have never even thought twice about MY part in all of this. It was so much easier to blame my husband for everything.

I've had a rough day- i can't shake this guilt off of me. I have asked for God's forgiveness, but it pains me so much how I offended Him for so long and hurt my husband for so long as well. I keep thinking that I am not worthy of God's love nor my husbands love... but I pray that they will both give me another chance.

Dare 19

Jaime — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 20:00:21 GMT

Thinking back over the dares there was a few times where I stalled and took a few days to do some, or some I could not think of how I was going to do them, but I always seemed to get through it somehow. Right now my husband and I are not speaking. He is getting his comfort elsewheres from his ex girlfriend. They are just friends but he is still seeking that comfort in another woman even if it is not physical, he is emotionally doing so. He has been gone 7 weeks tomorrow. I feel drained and I hurt really bad. I am going to keep doing the dares to the best I can, as I feel as though I have nothing left but to trust in what god has planned and hope he gives me my hearts desire, whenever it may be. I am implementing the no contact rule with my husband, leaving him to god to work on, clearly what I have been doing is not working. I still pray everyday and I will add this to my prayers.