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Re: Day 59 - Love IS POSSIBLE with Christ

Day 59 - Love IS POSSIBLE with Christ

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    Day 59 – Love IS POSSIBLE with Christ

     

    Look back over the dares from previous days.  Were there some that seemed impossible to you?  Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love?  Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.”

     

    Christ was loud and clear on this dare. No dare has felt impossible even if some of them couldn’t be completed due to the situation. I still knew I was doing what God wanted me to. My heart was changed back on my turning point day [day 6] in round 1 and I have not been the same since. He even took it to a  whole new level today. I am still feeling shocked and hope to be able to write this entry without sounding like a blubbering idiot. Here it goes—

     

    Yesterday I wrote about inviting my husband to dinner, but not getting a response. This morning I got a response. He had texted me apologizing for not responding yesterday. I didn’t say anything back. I honestly had no idea what to say. Three hours later I get another text asking how the house is coming. This time I felt okay to respond—“It is coming along. Did you want to stop by tonight?” His response, “Yes, but I don’t want you to cook for me.” I simply said okay. Excitement and butterflies start setting in. Even if it is just to show him where I am at with getting the house ready to “sale” at least I get to see him! Another few hours go by and I get another text asking what time I would be home and if I wouldn’t mind picking up some garlic bread. I was speechless. That meant one of two things 1. He is bringing dinner over or 2. He needs garlic bread for his own dinner (stupid, but yes this crossed my mind considering the things that he has done in the recent past to get a reaction out of me). I responded with no problem.  Thankfully that was about the time I was to leave work. I think I could have flown home by how flipping ecstatic I was about this whole thing. I stopped by the store and grabbed some garlic bread. Got home and changed. Then next thing I know he walks through the door with….DINNER. He made spaghetti. Needless to say I was SPEECHLESS. It was the SWEETEST thing ever. He was so self conscious about it because this was honestly the first real meal he has ever made in our almost 12 years together. He did a great job and I made sure to tell him that over and over.

     

    If you only could see the thoughts that were racing through my mind and feel my heart beating out of my chest. I didn’t know what to think. He had mentioned he needed to use my computer and printer. Being honest, I immediately was thinking divorce papers (so jacked up of me, I know), but rather than going to use it right after we were done eating, he sat on the couch and I nonchalantly…oh who am I kidding…blatantly sat as close as I could without touching him. Was not sure where his comfort level was. From there we just started talking. I let him control the conversation. He first talked a lot about work and then started going into more of his personal thoughts and emotions. He then grabbed my hand and held it. After talking a little while more he asked if he could hug me. Like I am going to say no! We hugged for a long time, which then led to kissing. Now I thought for sure I was losing my mind. I think you could have felt both of our hearts beating rapidly. Finally, might as well admit it…dare 32 was completed…only 27 days later.

     

    I had to hold back tears afterwards. I was sooo in awe of God’s work. My husband really opened up to me about his brokenness (God’s wake up call sure did come—screw playing with kid gloves). He apologized for taking the bed, he admitted to truly hurting me with his affair, he talked about how scared he was, he brought up severing all ties with the OW by requesting to go to a new detachment asap even though that means admitting to his work buddies what he did (that is a HUGE), he said he was going to look at his lease paperwork regarding canceling it so he can move back in, and much much more.

     

    I really got to show God’s work through me during our hours of talking. I was able to reiterate after him telling me again that I made this look so easy that it was only by Christ’s strength. I showed him all the work that had been done on the house and he asked about payments and where I was at with the “sale process.” Before I answered I honestly had a moment of silence because I was seriously asking God if He wanted me to be honest about what I had done. He reassured me without a doubt, YES! So I told my husband that we have not missed ANY payments. That I made the last one on my own and the house has been painted as if we were going to keep it. You should have seen his eyes light up. He just hugged me. I told him about what I felt God told me the morning he moved out and shared that it was at that moment I’ve never had my faith stronger in Christ—that even though I have been stretched financially—I have obeyed Him every step of the way and there is no stopping me.

     

    We talked a lot about us and moving forward. He kept telling me he so badly wants to stop feeling so stressed and such a mess. I smiled inside because I knew all of this was God’s working in him. His physical and emotional hurts have been him being broken. My husband was receptive to EVERYTHING I expressed tonight and I did it in a very light fashion. I was very cautious of my words because I know he is not where I am when it comes to Christ, however, I do feel he is getting closer and closer every day. I can see change in him just as he admitted to seeing change in me.

     

    There are so many blessings in how this all worked out. Some that come to mind right now—

     

    *My husband did not respond to my invite yesterday for dinner…we wouldn’t have had any privacy anyway – the tile guy was working on the bathroom. I asked the tile guy last night before he left if he was going to be by tonight about the same time. He said no, he had to finish some grout at another house, but would be back Wednesday. Obviously last night I had no idea what that would mean for tonight…

     

    *God told me to make one more payment on the house—I did!

     

    *God told me to paint the house, finish the bathrooms, and replace the carpet as if I am keeping the house—almost done!

     

    *God told me to not contact my husband unless I was told to—I obeyed despite how HARD that has been especially during dares I got no response—but I can now see those are moments Christ was working in him.

     

    My husband did invite me to go home to his place, but I kindly declined. We agreed not to rush things (besides of course the intimacy that took place in the heat of the moment). We are going to take it one step at a time as we are both aware there is a long road of healing ahead of us, but we know our marriage will never be the way it was. We will be NEWLY married in Christ!

     

    I hate to end here, but I know there is no way words could even begin to express right now everything I am feeling and thinking. To sum it up—my heart is filled with GRATITUDE. Praise God!

  • Thats awesome. And the most famous words.. God is never late!

    You have come a long way. And your focus still needs Christ to be first in your life. Your husband can never go back to being number 1.... Number 2, yes....

    And remember this journey, remember your building in Christ. Be that testimony your husband needs.

    Continue to grow daily....

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