Day 18 Forum: Love Seeks to Understand - Recent Threads

Day 18 - incomplete

muneerah — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 10:44:35 GMT

I haven't been online for a few days as it was a holiday weekend in South Africa. I didn't do day 18 as hubby wasn't around much... i went to visit family... I hope i'm able to do it tonight though.

I have completed Day 19 and 20, with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart... it's true that this is the hardest... especially for a self confessed control freak... I am praying more and hoping to schedule more time for praying...

I am not only praying for me but for my husband and my son...

I finally understand I need to do all the dares to connect with God and to show my full appreciation and love for Him...

I am afraid for my husband, he is changing so much into such an ugly person and I have started wondering where the wonderful man i married is... Is this my doing? Was my bad ways the reason for his decline?

I am forever sorry for any hurt I have caused him, especially if this is why he has become this way...

I am asking God to work through all of us, to have His will in our lives...

I am officially on Day 21 today... I will start reading Proverbs as recommended, I also find some of the quotes so true that I think this may be the most inspiring book to read...

Dust237 Day 18: Love Seeks To Understand

dust237 — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 18:12:26 GMT

Because Christi has her Mary Kay meeting tonight, I asked her to meet for lunch. But she said she was too busy and the only down time she has is between 1500 hrs and when she goes to her meeting at 1800 hrs. So I will try to prepare something small for us after her meeting. I put out candles, bought some fruit and flowers. Set the table with nice glasses, and filled with just water. Even if I were able to make dinner for her she would not have eaten it cause she has placed herself on such a strict diet, plus it was 10 - 1030 at night. When she got in the door she ignored me and ran to the bed room. I went to the bedroom and asked her if she'd like to join me. To which she replied in a minute. When she finally came in she asked me what I was doing, and I told her that I just wanted to have some dinner with my wife. She just looked disgustedly at me. She eventually sat down and I asked her how her night was then began to ask her the questions that I had picked out. All of her answers were hurtful and brutal. But most of all, when I asked her if there was anything lately that I have done to make her feel loved she said no. It only made her feel that What I was doing was only for selfish reasons. She just wants space. I told her that I was doing it to honor the commitment I made to God.

Day 58 - Love Seeks to Understand

BeckyA — Mon, 20 Aug 2012 18:55:49 GMT

We had a very full house today! Our niece and nephew were there, along with our daughter, and my husband’s dad stayed home with us all day. The day was full and silly. The kids were all bickering, and playing jokes on one another (including my husband). It was just a good feeling in the house. They all played Wii all morning, and my husband made plans to take everyone on base to go bowling. We all waited around for him to decide when to go. He decided that it would be too difficult to get the older kids on base without their IDs, so we changed plans to go see a movie instead.

We took everyone to go see a movie and out to eat afterwards. When we got home, my mother in law and sister in law came over, and we all watched another movie. My daughter stayed upstairs and watched a movie of her own. My husband’s plan had been to go over to a neighbor’s house after everyone left in the evening. He ended up not going over there after they all left, but we sat upstairs together and visited and watched another movie. He opened up to me about how he was still angry at his dad for not waiting for him to come home before going to the fair on Thursday night, as well as how annoyed he got at all the bickering between the kids and himself. I told him that I thought he was in a really good mood all day and seemed to be enjoying himself. He let me know that it was all just for show and he was angry with all of them.

I went outside for a few minutes and spent some quiet time with God. I prayed again for peace in my husband’s heart. I don’t think that my husband even understands why he’s so angry all of the time. He was angry with my daughter for treating him the same way he was treating our niece this weekend. Everything was getting to him. I prayed for his heart to soften to Christ.

I did not get to fulfill the dare. We did not have a chance to have a quiet dinner. I will fill it later in the week. I am thankful that he opened up about his anxiety of his family all being around. Although I don’t agree with the way he was acting or handling himself, he’s always just kept those feelings inside.

sobering and somber

Manorahsjoy — Sat, 21 Jul 2012 21:26:18 GMT

I did not get a chance to ask any of the questions because as soon as he got home from work he went out for a party.

What ever time we did have he commented on the movie we saw the night before called "courageous"

He seemed to be inspired to aim for more things but only God sees the truth.

Today i actually feel a bit sad because i realised that i have no confidence and or trust in my spouse. He was trying to convince me that he was only going out for a while but i already knew that was not the case. True to my stand, the man is no where to be seen. i just feel bad that this is where i find myself. This has nothing to do with me asking God to change him or make things better for us, it is just the first time that i have seen the reality of my situation and its just hard and really sad.

we really are two individuals at the end of the day and its really only God that has the power to do anything.

Spouse made a comment before he left, he said "you know when some one is dieng, there is nothing you can do" it struck a cord with me because it is so true, i have been trying and trying to change him and control things around me but when its dieing, there is nothing you can do. If my spouse dies where he is right now, i have to acknowledge that all i could have ever done was to pray for him and it would be up to him and the word of God that has been released on his behalf in prayer to make the final outcome.

I feel like I am walking alone for the first time in my marriage, today i realised that i am the only one in this.

The only one I have is Jesus.

Its a sobering and somber moment that i have had today.

So he had the dinner, i decided not to go for choir practice so i could do the dare. He had the dinner then left for his freinds party.

and that is where it is right now.

Day 18: Love Seeks to Understand

JasonEmigh — Fri, 20 Jul 2012 23:22:23 GMT

So Shelly got home last night after being gone for almost a week and a half. Things were onkay last night. I came home early from work to spend time with her today to fulfill Dare #14. When I got home, I pretty moch was given the silent treatment and after a couple hours, Shelly left with our 8 year old daughter to go get coffee (I think it was to go see "him"). Just as I was starting to make our candle light dinner, she texted me and said they were going out to eat. I went right on with cooking dinner, fed our son, I didn't eat as I was waiting for her. I then prepared the table complete with table cloth, candles, and flowers. I put our plates and appetizer down and covered them to wait for her arrival. I am hoping she lets me know when she's on her way home so I can heat everything up and light the candles. I started leafing through the bible and read Colossians 3:12-17, Romans 8:28, and Philippians 4:6-9. I have faith that doing the dares as led by Christ, that I am doing the right thing. I am not getting discouraged that they seem to have no affect on Shelly, I just pray for the Lord's will to be completed through me.

Day 18

BeckyA — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 13:41:07 GMT

I knew that at this time, I couldn’t do this dare with just the two of us. Our daughter would have to be there. I prayed about this the morning of the dare, and felt like having her there would still fulfill what needed to be done. Right now, my husband is much more open when she’s around as a buffer. She’s our comic relief when things are uncomfortable!

I made dinner for the two of them using some ground beef that he asked to be cooked as soon as possible. Not such a big deal to most families, but I don’t eat red meat. Whenever he buys it, I make every excuse not to cook it, and it is always thrown away. We had a nice sit down dinner, and I asked some of the questions from the book. I couldn’t remember many of them, so I improvised the best I could. I made them questions that both he and our daughter could answer. She loved it and really got him more involved in the conversation! I even learned a couple of things. I kept the conversation very light. We never discussed anything about either of us personally, but just went through some of our likes/dislikes and things we’d like to do. The conversation never turned to me, but that was great! I was able to focus completely on the two of them. When our daughter left the table, he even continued to answer a couple more questions. I praise God for the opportunity to get to know both of them (and Him) just a little better through this dare.

Day 19...WOW

evan1918 — Mon, 09 Jul 2012 01:06:31 GMT

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Day 19…Today’s dare asked God to show us where we are. I’m sad to say that I am still angry. Angry that I am in this situation. I thought I was over it but I’m not. I’m asking God to help me get past this.

Day 18 - Where did she go?

evan1918 — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 21:45:11 GMT

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I really tried this one. I made the dinner before she could say no. She made sure the kids where a part of it so that we would not be able to talk. I did have a chance to ask how she’s doing. She says she’s fine. I’m concerned about her. She’s made such a drastic change in life so quickly. In the last three weeks she’s becoming who she was before Christ. I used to be so thankful that I had a Godly woman. She cusses at the kids constantly. She’s begun listening to music she once found offensive. It’s making it difficult to raise the kids. When your mom does it, why can’t they? She believes the change in me is just me feeling sorry for myself. She encourages the kids to laugh at me. I know this is not a journey with her but one with Christ and that I need to seek his validation when faced with rejection. I pray for her relationship with Christ I’m actually starting to fell ok. I just hope it is because I’m trusting God and not because she’s no longer the woman I miss so much.

Evan

day 18

jophanan — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 03:55:32 GMT

OK... my wife left two months ago. she has her own apartment and is dead set on divorce being the only answer. she doesnt like it when i do things to serve her because she says that she doesnt want me to do things when she is going to divorce me anyway. though she hasnt said that there is no hope she sure acts taht way around me. yet there are times where she calls me and asks for my help.. well only twice and this was in the last three days. one, my son had a sliver in his foot. i was huge 1/4 inch long and as big around as the lead of a #2 pencil. anyway, she called me and asked if i could come over to help her get it out. she is a tough girl who grew up on a cattle ranch. i of course said i will be right over. i praised God for the opportunity to serve her and my son that day.

anyway, day 18... what do i do? she wont come in my apartment and is uncomfortable around me right now. I dont know what to do to accomplish this dare... ideas? questions?

Day 18

Dan — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 20:03:07 GMT

Today is Day 18 of The Dare. My wife emailed me today asking if we could talk this evening. As I expected, when she got home from work, she informed me that she has been approved for a condo, and simply has to provide a move in date for the lease, before she can sign it.

I knew this was coming. We both handled the conversation well. She did better than I did. I was a bit emotional, but not angry. I told her I didn't want her to leave, and that I don't agree with her decision, but I understand why she's doing it. She thanked me for not being a "jerk." We both laughed over that. When I asked, "Why did you think I would be a jerk," she replied, "I don't know what to expect from you lately. You seem a bit... unstable." We laughed about that as well. I'd like to believe she assumes I'm unstable because she's confused as to where her old husband went, and what this knew guy is all about.

She knows that I have a renewed faith and commitment with God. I have shared bits and pieces of the last 18 days with her. She's unaware that I am completing the dare though.

We had a very nice conversation actually. We both confessed that the situation is very weird. We don't hate each other. We don't wish each other ill will. She's just not happy here, or happy with me and wants to move on. We don't fit the stereotypical model for divorce. I told her I realize that I took many things for granted in our marriage and that I am making changes in my life (I didn't elaborate beyond that) and that I'm sorry for any hurt I've caused her. I told her that I feel as though I hurt her, it all happened in this house, and she wants to get away from the hurt. I understand that, but I wished that she would reconsider.

I asked her if moving out was just an opportunity for her to be alone and clear her mind, or if it was the first step in her plan to get a divorce. She said she didn't know. She has never really had a chance to be independent in her life, and I think that is what she is seeking.

The discussion turned to when we would inform our parents. She isn't sure when that will happen either. She said doesn't want to tell them, so I offered to do it. She declined and said she'd probably send them an email.

I did choose to tell her my story from yesterday, about when I prayed for God's love to support me, and her mother ended up calling me shortly after. She had previously mentioned that it was weird that her mother called me, and to top it all off yesterday, my father in law called me later that day to wish me a happy birthday. I don't recall a single time in our marriage that he has ever called me directly. He always calls her and then asks to talk to me. She admitted that was very strange as well. It was selfish of me to share I think, perhaps I was leading with my heart, but I felt compelled to let her know that I fully believe Christ is working in us every day.

Any way... The Dare. I fully intend to follow through today regardless. Dinner has been cooking all day. She has agreed to eat dinner with me this evening. I look forward to completing the dare and continuing to ask her questions and to hear her out and understand her more. During our conversation this afternoon, she did point out that I was never a good listener. I realize that now and resolve to do better.

She may be having a hard time understanding that Christ is working in me, and in us, but I realize it. I know the days ahead will be rough and their will be tough decisions, but I accept that it is out of my control and that I must remain calm and continue to maintain the form that he has shaped me into.

As always, thanks for listening.

Day 58 - Love still Seeks to Understand

Jenn — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 02:14:39 GMT

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Day 58—Love still Seeks to Understand

“Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.”

Oh, how much I would love to have a special dinner and enjoyable evening with my husband. I prayed for guidance since I had no clue how to complete the invite and was striving not to succumb to feelings of rejection because rejection was more than likely what was going to occur. I was prepared for it though, as I know Christ has received it from me more than I care to admit in the past.

On break I sent my husband a message—“I am going to bbq some pork chops since it is so nice out. Would you want to stop by for a bite to eat and I can give you an update/show you where I am at with the house?” I did not get a response by the time I got home from work, but I cooked for both of us anyways and had two plates ready just in case I did get one or if he showed up announced. No such luck. After thinking about it though, I am kind of thankful it did not work out because we would have not really had any privacy since the tile guy started his work in the bathroom this evening. I look forward to this at some point though—a point to see his depth and meaning that will amaze me as I continue to discover more of it because now I desire to know him better than I ever have before.

Having a tough time with this one

lenharpd — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 23:09:35 GMT

Hello all,

About a month ago my wife of 8 years told me she wanted a divorce. I have been living in our camper trailer parked next to the house and she is still in the house. She is avoiding me at all cost, not coming home till late most nights and gone most of the weekends. I work shift work, so it complicates things a little as well. I asked her if I could have an hour of her time one evening and she said she is booked up for the next few weeks and weekends. Ive thought about cooking the dinner and waiting until she gets home, or just cooking it and leaving her a note with details on what I made, but that kind of defeats the purpose of the dare. I desperately want her to meet me now that I'm walking with God, but she is really avoiding me. Any ideas?

Ive had to improvise on a few of the dares, leaving her a note instead of face to face communications, and Ive had to reschedule a few for a later time when she actually will talk to me, but at this point, she really is going out of the way to avoid me. God is working wonders in my life, and every day, he speaks to me through his word, or by just making things fall in place. It's a wonderful yet painful time in my life. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Day 18 - Love Seeks to Understand

Jenn — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 05:57:03 GMT

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Day 18—Love Seeks to Understand

What an appropriate chapter when now more than ever I really don’t understand a thing my husband is thinking or doing. It is very hard to want to seek to understand him when everything he says or does is downright hurtful.

I got home and started dinner right away since I had Bible Study to get to. I had it all prepared and set for us at the table by the time he got off work. Once he got home and settled I let him know dinner was ready. He never came down to eat…or at least before I had to leave, so I just left it as was. I had expected he wouldn’t eat with me. I got the most awfully mean texts out of the blue at work today, so knew he was still boiling from Monday night. I opted not to respond.

I had a complete meltdown on my way home from Bible Study. It was one of my rougher days emotionally. The man I married is so unlovable right now, but is honestly in a place where he probably needs the most genuine love in his life not the lust that is being given to him.

I go to bed knowing that I will have new found strength to get through tomorrow. That is all I can count on right now.

This should be interesting

Katy — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 17:19:56 GMT

Well my husband is already upset with me and when he's like that he pretty much ignores me. We had an argument last night and tho I could have handled the situation by not saying some of the things I did, I felt very strongly about my reasoning for being upset. I've gotten better at holding my tongue and avoiding arguments (we have a horrible communication problem... my husband likes avoiding every problem, so we rarely solve any issues. They're just ignored and moved on from until brought up again). But last nights problem interfered with a moral issue when it comes to our son, and I had to stand up for what was right, otherwise it would have been dropped. That of course was followed by ignoring me last night and not kissing me goodbye this morning and telling me he loved me. I apologized before bed last night for some of the things I said. He ignored it. I told him bye this morning and he said bye. I told him I loved him, and he closed the door and left. Usually, I would be down. But I know that's what Satan wants. I've been trying to put my complete trust in God and focus on my relationship with Him because I know this Love Dare journey is about God molding me into the person He would like me to be, and I know that testimony will be what God uses to save my marriage and reach my husband. I pray for this everyday. Although I look at my husband and see such a hard person that's incapable of change, I know God is much bigger. And I know God can do all things that seem impossible to me.

So, obviously it's going to be hard to make dinner special tonight. I will make every effort to do so, and know that even if he could care less and has no interest in sitting down with me for dinner, I will do it anyway and not worry about the rejection. I have to show love even when it's not reciprocated, just as God loves me. I feel nervous because I don't want him to reject me. But, it's not something I need to worry about. It's just hard. I just have to pray that God would give me the strength to get thru this, knowing that he has a bigger plan regardless of the outcome tonight. Satan wants me to feel hopeless, but I refuse to give up. So although I know tonight may not go as I want, I will still pray for God to turn this day around.

The questions part, if we make to that, will be hard. My husband always complains that I ask too many questions. It doesn't even matter sometimes if I ask him how his day was. It's so hard to try to get to know someone more when they HATE questions. It always depends on what kind of mood he's in. Yesterday's dare obviously failed... I know that it's going to be a long process and journey of finding that intimacy, the kind that God desires, in my marriage. But it can only be taken one day at a time. Sooo... I guess we'll just have to wait and see how this evening goes!!!

Day 18: End in disaster

HKOakland — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 21:02:53 GMT

We have no money right now because we are waiting for him to get paid. I was determined to somehow make this happen. So I was creative and thought about what he liked and what we had in the kitchen. I was tired and had to make a few stops and then go to the grocery store but GOD was watching over me to get what I needed at the grocery store. He is an amazing cook. AMAZING. He insisted on helping and wouldn't let me do it alone. So we made dinner together. It was nice. We had a good meal and he loved it. Now onto the disaster.......I have had a bad habit of looking in his clothes, car, cellphone, computer for stuff that will nail him for doing something messed up having to do with the affair. I have really made an effort since the dare stop looking through his stuff. I have had a some slip ups. Last night I noticed he had been on the computer so I went on there to see what he had been doing. I go to Facebook and he is still logged in and I go to his messages and that is where I find some messages between him and a friend of the other woman. We had already argued when he decided to be her friend on FB. I had told him it was not ok in any way shape or form to be friends with anyone related to the other woman. The messages made it seem like he was still involved with the other woman. He did not mention the other woman by name but the nature of the messages seemed like he was lying to them and making future plans with them. I was absolutely livid. How could he keep doing this to me. I went off. Yelled. Screamed. Swore. It was a disaster. He became very upset we argued and eventually he went to sleep. I tried to calm down and tried to come on here but the website wasn't working. I felt hopeless and started to cry and sob. I sat next to him sobbing and that woke him up he was very upset and said he was losing his sanity and said he had to leave cuz he did not feel safe being there. He took off and said he was going to work. I asked him not to because he did this before and went to the other woman's house. It was deja vu all over again. He pleaded for me to leave him alone because he was feeling insane. I told him I was hurt and crying and I needed him to comfort me. How completely messed up is that. I don't know anymore. I do feel hopeless. I am following my fleshly desire and not doing what GOD wants me to. I am failing GOD and hurting GOD with these cruel reactions. Of course I want GOD to forgive me but how is that fair when I can't forgive my husband???? Am I playing GOD by trying to look for stuff?? looking in his phone and computer? I just wish for once he would do the right thing and chose me first and do what I pleaded and asked for him to do. HE NEVER DOES. He makes it impossible. I feel like it would be easier to give up and just call it quits. I don't want to bare this pain anymore. I was completely shocked to read the next dare. What timing. HELP! I feel so defeated and worthless and broken that he keeps making these choices that hurt me over and over again. Why can't I just trust GOD completely and not worry about my husband and what he is doing or not doing.??? I don't trust him or believe anything he tells me cuz he has done nothing but LIE to me, betray me, manipluate me, use me. What's the point anymore?! I just want out of this living HELL.

Round 3 - Day 98

Melissa — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 11:29:23 GMT

I prayed a lot throughout the day that God's will be done. I trusted Him and completed the dare even though I had no idea if my husband would be around last night. I decided to make enchiladas since my husband and I LOVE Mexican food. I was not able to have a special dinner with my husband, but God and I sat down and had a Fiesta! While I ate dinner I read the Bible and prayed.

Day 18

Dave_71 — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 20:06:56 GMT

Day 18 just was happening. I continued to pray for Melanie's salvation and at dinner with my ex-wife and her husband and my daughter. I'll set this day aside for now.

Day 18 Not what I planned

matthewhager — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 03:23:57 GMT

Will this dare did not turn out at all how I planned it. Tonight was Ash Weds. so I made dinner for the children before we went to church and planned on cooking dinner for my wife and I when we got back, thought by the time dinner would be done the kids would be in bed. Will it did not work out, when dinner was done my wife sat in the living room and ate watching tv with the girls yet who also ate some more. So I sat at the dinner table by myself. I know leave it in Gods hands but it is so hard I do not even know who my wife is. She use to be this one who I could talk to, give hugs to some one who seem to enjoy my company as much as I enjoyed hers, now when she looks at me it seems as though it is a look of pure ice, cold, no warmth at all. I really do not know what happen in such a short amount of time. I know put my trust in the Lord and I will, it is so hard, and at times just would like to see some hope, some hope for our marriage.

Round 2- Day 58

Melissa — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 20:51:17 GMT

I knew that a nice dinner was going to be possible tonight because I had counseling and church, so I wouldn't be home until almost 9:00. I did call my husband and ask if he would like to have a late dinner. He said that he was playing basketball with a friend and wouldn't be home until late and didn’t want to have dinner after. I asked if he would like to have dinner tomorrow, but he is going over his parents for dinner. I'm going out of town this weekend to visit my parents so this weekend wasn’t an option. So, with all of the obstacles in place, I thought I need to be creative. God wants me to complete this dare somehow today, so start thinking!!! I decided that since we were both not going to be getting home until late, maybe a snack would be a good option. In between counseling and church, which is only 10 minutes, I ran to the grocery store and bought pizza rolls. I figured we could have pizza rolls for a snack while we are reading and praying tonight. When we got ready to read and pray I got the pizza rolls out and said that I made a snack for us. He said that he didn’t want any. No biggie, more for me I guess. Haha! After we were done reading and praying I asked 2 of the questions from the back of the book: Could you tell me 3 things that I do that you like and what are 3 things that I could work on. His response to the first questions was, “yes.” So, I said, “can you tell me what they are?” He said he didn’t want to. Then his response to the second question was, “no.” I have asked him about 10 of the questions from the back of the book and he hasn’t answered one of them yet. It doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t answer the questions. I ask him them because God wants me to.

We have not read or prayed together for the past 2 nights, so I am very glad that we were able to tonight.

The one thing that I am really trying to learn and take away from this dare is that I need to start listening to my husband more and not give advice unless asked.

Rd 2 / day 18

Jasper — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 01:40:12 GMT

I guess round two went better then round 1 (rd1 she blew me off just like in the movie). Today I made her lunch as I knew dinner would be a no go. Like most of our conversations it started off good but she always goes to the divorce talk. After 14 years and 3 beautiful children she is not willing to try to reconcile. She has fallen in love with an old friend and wants to move forward with him (who coincidentally is divorcing his wife after 19 years). I stand firm on my divorce stance - I will have nothing to do with it. I don’t feel god wants me to just give up and say OK let’s do this the easy way. She keeps bringing up things from the past that I don’t even remember, to justify her decision and you would think this guy is a saint, not someone walking out on is marriage. By the time she is done I feel pretty dejected – like we never had one good moment in our marriage, which I know is not true. I’m often left speechless and wondering who this women is that I am talking to. How should I respond? My only refuge is turning it all over to god and being patient. Waiting is hard!

Dare 18/No go so far

cwest — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 03:42:23 GMT

I called my husband and left a message. He did not get back to me. He said we could meet again and that he has to check his schedule. I think we might be able to meet later in the week, so I will post on here if we do. I am never sure about how much to contact him. If I don't contact him, he will go for weeks without talking to me. I don't want to seem like I am bugging him all the time either. I pray for guidance on this.

dare 18

forever512 — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 17:32:03 GMT

Since my husband has the kids I knew having dinner alone would be pretty impossible. So, instead, I asked him if he would like to have lunch with me (2 of our kids are at school). I thought of a lot of ways to text my husband to ask him... but I felt like most of them were indirect and a little controlling. For example, I was thinking of asking him if he would share his amazing bean chili recipe with me today & we can have some for lunch... I prayed & prayed. I just didnt want to be sneaky about it to have him to eat a meal with me. So I flat out asked him if he would like to have lunch with me. I knew the risk for rejection was higher because there was no "plan". I got a text back that said "Uh, why?". So i told him, no reason. I could have told him i wanted to talk about the kids or tell him about the little league info I found out, etc, but again, I didn't want to have a plan about it. 30 minutes later he said he has a bunch of stuff to do & our daughter will be going to take her nap soon, so I told him ok.

Was i disappointed? Eh, not really. I am acctually reflecting on it & I am pretty happy I was able to attempt the dare without being manipulating about it. I shouldn't have to bribe him to have lunch or dinner with me becasue I want to talk about the kids or our "situation" or whatever. I can do that on the phone or in e mail. I wanted to have lunch with him just becasue he is my husband and I wanted to spend time with him. Perhaps I could have told him that too... Overall, I am glad I did it.

My mom called this morning, crying again. She calls me everyday now, sometimes more than once & she is in tears. I hate to hear her so distraught over this. She still can't come to terms that I am fine. She tried to talk to me about the visitation agreement I have with my husband even though I didn't want to hear it, I let her talk & I listened. Her concerns are all things I have thought about & I have handed over to God to deal with. She complained about how disrespectful he had been to them in the past year & asked why should she respect him... I explained to her that trying to solve one injustice with another is not going to solve anything. I tried to remind her of the good man he is & asked her to try to remember that. I know it isn't easy for her because she has grown to love & accept him as family... I keep praying that God will comfort her.

Day 18

Serilium — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 21:29:46 GMT

I really wish I had been able to arrange for this dinner to have been just the two of us. Unfortunately I had arranged for a sitter the day before. We ended up cooking the dinner together and talking all day. I had decided to make Lasagna for dinner and I had not made it in a while. I make my own special sauce and it takes several hours to simmer. We cooked. and played games, and talked all day. It was so cool. I wish it could have been more romantic. That is one area that I really would like to see changed. I realized that a couple of days ago when reading about intercession. I can't change him or this, but I will be praying for this.

I think I need to talk try to understand what goes on in his mind more. I found out about his struggles with worry and compounding worries. He (and his family he says) just dwell on things so much. I wish I could help him with this. I tried to encourage him to pray about this.

Overall it was an enjoyable evening.

round 2/dare 18

forever512 — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 01:07:01 GMT

Another amazing day! It began with my husband going to church with us this morning on his own accord. I didn't even ask if he would like to come with us, he just got dressed and got in the car with us :) AND the pastor of the church said our mass this morning & my husband really enjoyed him. He still complained a little bit because our kids get REALLY difficult after about 1/2 the mass. I noticed a flyer in the back of the church for babysitting during mass for babies up to 4 years old- so next time we go to church, I might drop off our 2 youngest ones there. We will see. ALso, today's theme was redemption and forgiveness. It was a good day for my husband to choose to come to church with us :)

The rest of the day was just normal... and I didn't get to read my dare for today until the afternoon. So when I read it I was a little taken off track about making dinner for just the two of us. I asked God to help. So I made dinner for the kids a little early & when they were finished I let them watch some cartoons. I made up my husbands plate & put it on the table hoping he would sit and eat at the table & not on the couch. I sat at the table and a few moments later, he came in and sat down :) It was a decent meal. The boys were completely engrossed in the cartoons, but our 15 month old daughter kept coming in and out of the kitchen. But it was more privacy than any other day. Also, this time around I had the courage to ask him a few of the questions from the list of 20. I didn't get through all of them, acctually only about 3 or 4, but I didn't want to have the book in my lap & I tried to remember the questions as best as I could. Also to my surprise, he had no problem answering them. There was no retaliation about why I'm asking him this stuff or anything... it was nice. UNTIL, he went off on a tangent and brought up moving again. He spent a few minutes talking about how I need to ask my parents if I can stay at one of thier apartments for free because he wont be able to afford anything if he has to pay my rent ans his rent & all our other expenses. I was nice about it & tried to get off the topic & told him that these are all things that need considering & we really shouldn't make hastey decisions. He came back and said I need to think about it and make a choice soon. I told him God will help us work it out. He kind of scoffed at me and said that there are things GOd helps with and other things you need to take initiative in and just do. He made an analogy about a person about to jump off a bridge and asking God if he will stop them from jumping... I told him it's like the story in the bible when satan tries to tempt Jesus to jump off the cliff and the Angels will catch Him if it is God's will. I told my husband that trusting God isn't about seeing THEN believing, it's about believing THEN seeing. He told me not to preach to him. Our conversation moved onto the groceries he needs for this upcoming week & then it was time to come to the rescue of my daughter who was throwing a tantrum! The whole time, though, I was smiling. And I was praying to God thanking Him for everything! And as soon as I could find a few minutes to myself, I went into my bedroom and formally prayed to God thanking Him for all that has transpired here today.

My husband told me today that he won't be joining us for Christmas eve dinner with my family (it's our tradition) but he would like it if his mom could join us at our house for Christmas day. I told him that would be fine.

I just can't stop thinking about how great the Lord is! I've known that He is with me this whole time, but I just see so many things going on. In me, within my family & even in my husband. I don't know what's going to happen, but my faith is with the Lord always!

Day 18 Dinner

chadloveslisa — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 14:44:16 GMT