This has been a bumpy journey. I have had my ups & downs. My huaband can not forgive me for my faults, but I have forgiven him. I feel it, I see it. I write to him but he will not comment directly to my letters. I did find out he is talking to someone at our church about what I write to him. It makes me happy to know that he is at least reading them. We talked & kinda argued this morning. I started asking about his reasoning for the divorce, stating I do not know what I did that would constitute divorce by Gods standards. I know it was taking the riens back from God. I asked forgivness & gave them back. That is the hardest thing to remember...I am not in control & if I try to be I can upset the whole works God is trying to do.
I was almost feeling that giving up to the divorce was the best answer, I prayed, I talked to some very good, safe friends & I realize that is not what I want to do, it is not what Jesus wants me to do.
I am also realizing that I have listened to my husband blame me for everything that happened in our marriage. I now know that it is not all my fault, I can only fix my part. I am lovingly going to let my husband know how some of the things he did hurt me.
I love my husband period. I am not sure where this journey will lead me but I took a good look at where I had been & I realize I do not want to go back there ever. God is leading me to the adventure of my lifetime, for the first time in my life I feel loved, I feel accepted for who I am, flaws & all. I am grateful for this journey. I know what is on the other side will be better than I could ever imagine.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I am weiry, scared, tired & thought about quitting, but this feeling inside me is so strong to keep moving on because when I do look around, I really like the person I am becoming, leading my heart to the word of Jesus is changing my life for the better.
I am happier & healthier than I ever have been. I want my husband to join me, its ok if he doesnt though, sad but ok. I have a long way to go but I am getting there one day at a time thru & following Jesus.
onewithGod
ABout letting your husband know the ways he hurt you. At this time in your journey, it would be interfering with God. Stay on your path, do what the dares have you do. Other than that, focus on Christ. He will open the door for you. And trust me, he is working on your husband. Just as you said yourself, he is talking to people from the church. Trust God to handle that part. Worry about your journey right now.
I thank you. I felt that the Lord was telling me to wait because I could not figure out how to write the letter. I am learning that if there is to much friction when I am trying to do what "I think" I should do, God is gently letting me know I am trying to take control again. I need to focus on myself, I need a lot of work & the better I become the better I feel Gods love.
The hardest part is giving it all to Christ. I know. But if we knew what we were doing, and were able to do it without him, we would not be here.
Now let God work it his way. And don't worry, he is never late.