As I continue to pray for Shelly today, I ask that God give me peace when she comes home this afternoon/evening. In the past she has said that she's only coming home to see our children, yet this time she hasn't said anything, just that she's coming home. I am not sure how long she plans to stay, it always seems to depend on how things go between us, or what other offers she has from "him". I feel more comfortable and less anxious about her returning this time, and have been much stronger with God's help since she left. This has been the longest she has stayed away from our home. I know at times when I tell her I love her and that I'm praying for her, she feels pressured and this actually pushes her farther away. I do believe the Lord is at work in her heart, and is battling for it right now, and I continue to allow him to work without me interfering. I will maximize my time with her w/o preaching at her or lecturing her as this could push her away.
As my walk with the Lord strengthens, I see his work in my life and that of our children, and I think Shelly will see a change here. In addition to a change at home, I've seen changes at work as well. I am a supervisor and my positive attitude has lately caught on to members of my crew during a very slow time. In addition, I was involved in disciplining an employee this week, and I could see him getting discouraged and upset with himself. I turned this into a positive experience by witnessing to him that if he started beating himself up, he could ruin a promising career. I told him how I once had to go through the same punishment. I told him that someday when he sat in my seat and had to discipline someone, he could relate to how they're feeling, and make it a positive experience. I also showed him how he is valued to our crew and remains to be a leader, and that we should all be held accountable when we make mistakes. He said he understood and has remained upbeat during his suspension, thanking me several times for my advice. I am sure he will return better for this and has a new focus. He asked me why I took the extra time with him, and I told him that I care and am living positively in all situations, and witnessed a little to him about my faith.
In turning this over to God, I continue to simply show her nothing but unconditional love and support and remain positive in attitude. I have already forgiven her for everything even though she hasn't asked for forgiveness. I am trying to demonstrate God-type love and haven't been talking about the situation with anyone outside of us,, God, my counselor, my closest friend, and a christian friend who's heling me strengthen my faith. This way no one can gossip about us and nothing negative can get back to her and cause additional hardships. I am keeping her close to my heart each day and this is strengthening my love for her. In addition, the more I pray and walk in Christ, the better and stronger I feel about conquering any situation. I was leafing through my Bible last night and came to Proverbs 6:26-35. Talking about sleeping with another man's wife, and the consequences of it. This gave me some confidence, however, I won't be the one to take revenge on this man, God will deal with him. After an incident last week where I stood my ground with him over text messages, I think he knows I am not intimidated by him, his money, or his self-appointed power. I know I can't compete with his worldly money or possessions, I have the most powerful and richest source on my side fighting for me. I remain focused on my walk and nothing more.
So when Shelly got home, we had made welcome home posters for her and placed them on the porch door and door to the house. The kids were very excited, as was I. She didn't want me to hug her, so I respected that. She did get my roses from a couple days ago on her bed, I actually had to get another red rose today for her. Things were oaky, not pressure on my part and no anxiety. Sort of mello, but not negative. I told her that we've been eating at our table instead of in the living room, and praying before bed time. She seemed receptive a little, but I am sure she's still skeptical about my faith. I'll just take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time if that's what it takes.
Shelly got home late but we waited up for her. We made posters and put them on the door to welcome her home. She liked them I think. She didn't want a hug from me and I respected that. Things were mello between us but not negative. She found the roses on her bed and read the notes that correspond with them. We spoke briefly about going to church in a couple days, and I witnessed a couple things, but didn't preach or pressure. She seemed a bit receptive but I can tell she's still skeptical. I'm relying on God to touch her heart and to put the right words in me to lead her back to him. I am trying to set the example by living it and walking closer to Him.
You need to remember. In this journey, it is between you and Christ. Not you and your wife. Christ wants to mold you more in His image. Tis is how you will learn to love through Him.
It is hard to set aside your selfish desires when talking to her or having her around, but this is when you need to commit the desire to Christ, and allow Him to fill those voids.
Leave her to Christ, and leave your pressures out of it. Right now depend on Christ to deal with her.