Christ is going to have to carry me through this process. I do not have the strength to stand anymore. I've been hitting my knees repeatedly and praying for God to move in my marriage and in my bride's life. Perhaps He is, but I cannot see it at all. This is one of those times when I have to utilize that difficult concept, Faith. So, after the events of yesterday, with its painful admissions and the opportunity I seized to practice forgiveness, I believe that these three things are where I need to intercede on my bride's behalf:
1) She needs Jesus. A real relationship with Him. She needs salvation and needs the peace that comes with it.
2) She needs to know real Love and how to accept it.
3) She needs to be able to forgive some horrible wrongs done to her in the distant past.
And these are the three areas where I think God wants me to pray in my marriage:
1) For our marriage to become pleasing to Him.
2) For our marriage to be centered on Christ.
3) For our marriage to become the kind of marriage that makes others want to know Jesus.
4) For our marriage to one based on God's word.
I slept very little last night and this was the result of some prayer last night and this morning. I had it brought to my attention that according to Jesus' own words, I have the justification to divorce her. And no sooner did those words hit my mind, then I began to remember that I promised to Love her "in sickness and in health." What is happening with her right now is sickness, of a sort. I am struggling to keep my focus on Christ and Christ alone. Like you said, Sean, when my focus is on Christ, HE will do the work of bringing her around. I am at the point where I am much less concerned about whether she remains married to me or not. I am concerned about her finding Jesus and being happy. Everything else, I can live with.
Praying for Gods will is so important. Because you do not know what that is. But when you are willing to accept what He is bringing to you, it is awesome.
Yes, you do have the right to bring her a writ of divorce. But think about this.
She not only sinned against you. She sinned against God. But He loves her and is willing to forgive her. So, what makes you better than Him? If divorce happens, be pleasing in the Lord and let her bring it to you, not you to her.
Focus on Christ and seek His love, His comfort, His mercy. Pray for Him to deal with these issues while you focus on making Him first in your life.
In everything you do, do it to please Him. And by doing so, you know you can never do wrong.
While praying, He keeps bringing to mind one thought. It's the definition of patience given in the first dare, namely (paraphrasing), giving someone more time than they deserve to make the right decision. So, that's what I'm practicing today. The hurt, anger, frustration, fury, rage, etc. are all still there, but God's love is drowning them out.
The more you rebuke satans push the more you will succeed. Eventually satan will flee. He wont be far, but he will leave you alone.
Now, when you accept Christ as your savior you will see, that everything will come easier, and He will deliver you.
Not only did I go through the same situation, but at the same time, my wife was the most horrible person I ever seen. She was someone I never knew she could be. In fact she made it so much easier to walk away from. But I would not give into filing for divorce. I made it very clear to her, if that is what she wanted she could file and I would sign, but I would not be the one to put the marriage away.