Collaborate without boundaries

Re: Day 16

Day 16

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  • Doing Day 16 ahead of 15 - I'm at work today and things are quiet - won't be home until tomorrow morning.

    1. That her pain from all the hurt I've caused will heal.

    2. That she will find happiness and joy in her life. 

    3. That she will be able to forgive me someday. 

    These are things that she can have with or without me. It's hard to think in terms of letting go; I'm really feeling the sense of pending loss. 


  • A couple things.  Please dont do the dares out of order.  There is a reason why they are in the order they are.

    Second, take a look at that third thing you prayed for.  Is that more selfish than not?

    When you think of letting go, you are simply letting Christ deal with her.  Not that you are moving on to someone else.  Those are two different things.

  • What I mean about letting go is letting God's will take over and stay the course regardless of what happens. I have been trying hard to fix the situation through being defensive, belittling, and rude. Fought as if I thought that arguing the point I would win and she would understand and apologize to someone who is being a jackass. I have this way molded into me and I self-medicate on anger. This is a HUGE hurdle for me and every time I have to give in or withhold negativity, or tell her I will love her and respect any decision she makes takes a lot out of me. I was taught resolution through aggression from a very young age. 

    The third one actually had a bit more to it that I didn't post - left it incomplete. It's for her to someday forgive me (most certainly now now!). Has to do with giving me a chance to restore her faith in me as her partner in life (which I took away from her in the first place) and for our son so that he can learn forgiveness over harboring resentment and ill will (like I did).  " in your spouse's life and in your marriage". I'm not asking for a get out of jail free card by any means. I know it's something I have to earn and I won't get it until (or if) she decides I deserve it. With a child we are tied to each other forever, regardless of the status quo. We've all known those people are divorced or about to be divorced with young children. The parents go out of their way to show disrespect to one another, blast each other with their grudges and never pass up an opportunity to completely discredit the other as a fit parent - all in plain view of the kids. They act like a couple of basket cases towards one-another using the kids as pawns which damages them in countless ways. Even in a worse-case scenario, I don't want that to be us. The Bible mentions in several places how the person holding the anger and not forgiving is the most damaged by it. I know this from my own experience. I don't think reconciliation and healing can begin until the forgiveness starts. The anger damages us all. 

    As far as staying in order goes, I will do my best. I have peeked ahead (if I hadn't I doubt I would have started this at all, let along the very next morning) and I know that some of them simply can't be done on my shift days - out for 24 hours. I go into the Bible to read the chapters for the cited verses so I have a full understanding of the dares and I fill up the notes sections. I want to do each one exactly to detail and be able to give it my undivided attention. I avoid this as much as possible and won't jump ahead more than a single day. Do you recommend simply holding off if I can't complete a dare on any given day? I just don't want to pencil-whip a day and miss out on the full purpose of the dare just to stay in order. 


  • You do them in order. If there is one that cannot be done you pray upon it through the day. The next day go to the next one. There will be opportunity as the days go on to come back to ones you have not been able to complete.

  • Actually, the book stays non-committal on it: "Don't be discouraged if outside situations prevent you from completing a specific dare. Just pick back up as soon as you can and proceed with the journey". I can stay in order without having to settle for an incomplete dare. If I can't do it (or do it right) I'll take a break for prayer and reflecting on past dares - some of them I'll need to revisit since I don't see much harm in not saying negative things, acting out of kindness, etc, and going back to gain a more thorough understanding. 

    I'm having a better day on "Day15" (ok, I'll go to 17 tomorrow and I promise that there will be no more skipping). I think I got the dare done but the day's not over until 12am tomorrow. It still has potential. 


  • I am always here.

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