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Re: getting hard

getting hard

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  • I have experienced the power of prayer, I seem to move from praying alot with no works then toomany works and no prayer.

    This dare showed me that I have neglected praying for my spouse.

    the prayers I chose where for salvation, for him to forgive and for God to use him as a minister of the gospel.

    For the marriage I prayed for us to be one, unity.

    Then, the day went on while i was at work, spouse spent the hole day drinking at home with his freind. AT 5 pm when I was due home, they left and he told me they were going some place come to find out that he went out drinking and posted pictures on facebook.

    I was very upset and called him to ask why he was not where he told me that he would be.

    He went off and started accusing me of saying things that put him over the edge and why I am making a big deal out of nothing.

    By 10 pm , I call again and his freind picks up and speaks very rudely to me,  and tells me to call is 5 mins .

    Hubby calls back to see what I want, I say nothing then he says he is on his way back home.

    I felt like I was in a battle! I remembered about fighting fair and being patient. I prayed over the areas that I had put on my list and also took on some other prayers. all the while, I was just asking the Lord to help me not pray any selfish prayers because of how I was feeling at that time. I realised that he will come home ready to fight and blame it all on me so i had to like Jesus accept that I would have to suffer in silence like he did when he was being led like a lamb to the slaughter and he opened not his mouth. It was sobering and I just felt like as if I was ready to die to Christ and all I wanted was for God to remove the unforgiveness and hatred that I have in my heart for any one.

    God told me that my spouse is looking for a way out of the marriage. That any slip that I make that he can use as a reason, he is ready to use it and that is why He , the Lord, has me doing the love dare at this moment in time. My spouse told me that he knew I could never cheat on him because I am a Christian and that even if he was a BAD person, he knew that he has a wife who prays for him and that know one ever prays for him. I felt helpless because he is taking my faith for granted

    I told God that even if I died, I would still want him to be saved, have a heart of forgiveness and be a minister of the Gospel.

    When he got home, he was ready for a fight but i kept calm and just asked  if he wanted some food , he said no and that he wanted to go to bed becuase he had to go to work in the morning. when he said that, I just felt like such as inconvinience in his life. I realised that all he wanted to do in the day was done and the next thing on his mind was going to work in the morning. I felt like a coat stand left in the middle of the room and he was walking around me to get to where he wantst o go.

    We went to bed and he asked me to get him a bucket so he could vomit in it. I said good night and thanked him for comming home.

    This morning, I got up read my devotional, prayed for God to help me with the dare (before I read it) and I made him is cup of coffee. I didnt want to get in his way so I went back to the kitchen, he came over to kiss me goodbye and asked for me to pray for him then he left.

    I got on my knees and did just that.

    I am just in a daze right now.

    The other day my spouse said that God knew that if he ever had a brother, he and the brother would be doing everything together. I asked if that was the reason he always spends so  much time with his freind. He said maybe. A few days later, I reminded him of that comment and asked him if a brother is there to do everything with, what is a wife for. He said that there were somethings that he knows that I can not do and some things that I can do,so that he why a brother is different. That was the end of that conversation. I took it to prayer, and asked Jesus to be his brother.

    I know there are no gaurentees that this will fix any marriage, but I am scared of loosing my marriage, the issue is that my spouse is doing all he can to make it fail.

     

  • When you have some time. Please please read my journals... From the oldest to newest. I believe it will help you so much.

    Right now you are still focused on your husband as the only way to fill your voids. But Christ wants to be the one you depend on.

    When you pray for your husband, right now pray for Gods will in His life. His salvation. Nothing more, nothing less for right now. Outside of that it is probably selfish. I feel by reading your post that praying for him to be a minister of the gospel, you believe that all will be good between the both of you if that was to happen.

  • Sean,

    yes i guess i do, because i figure that he would help people.

    I will check out your posts, thank you for suggesting them.

    I am so confused, if i turn my heart away, i will do a full 180 and yet if i focus on the dares too much and how to relate to him, i lean too much in that direction to.

    I am a black or white person, that the problem, there are no shades of grey and this is why i am in this rut.

  • There is nothing wrong with black and white. The grey areas are what we use to justify our selfishness!

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