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Re: Showing Honor

Showing Honor

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  • I will also honor them and they will not be insignificant. (Jeremiah 30:19)
    But when your attempts at honor go unreciprocated, you are to give honor just the same. That’s what love dares to do – to say, “Of all the relationships I have, I will value ours the most. Of all the things I’m willing to sacrifice, I will sacrifice the most for you. With all your failures, sins, mistakes, and faults – past and present – I will choose to love and honor you.” That’s how you create an atmosphere for love to be rekindled. That’s how you create an atmosphere for love to be rekindled. That’s how you lead your heart to truly love your mate again. And that’s the beauty of honor.
    I love this part of the reading.  I thought long and hard about this.  This also brought back to me a part of our pre-marital mentoring sessions where there was an exercise about how its not good to view a relationship as 50-50.  When a relationship is 50-50 you give back to the extent of what you receive. But that is not what Love is about.  God loves us when we are not lovable.  We are to love our spouse even when they are not lovable.  We are to honor them and to show that they are set apart from all other human relationships.  It is hard to honor and respect someone when they don't reciprocate.  I believe that I have let some of my anger an humiliation get in the way of how I have honored my husband.  
    So for the honor dare, I asked his opinion on a couple of issues that presented themselves. (Its kinda funny how opportunities arise just when you need them YAY GOD!!!) 
    The first was related to my daughter.  She was supposed to be staying with my parents this week but she has been extremely emotional and we ended up having to go and get her on the first night.  We had set it up for her to stay with them so that we could save some money on day care, and so that she could spend quality time with her grandparents.   The next day I took off work to stay with her to figure out what was going on, and that night she asked if she could go back to her grandparents.  So I asked my husband what he thought.  Because a couple of unexpected bills came up and we needed some quality time to ourselves he thought it was best to let her stay.  So we took her back.  I was giving honor to my husband by asking him to be a pro-active part of the decision making for my daughter even though he is not her biological father.  
    The second had to do with the unexpected bills.  I have a lot of trouble sharing responsiblity on the bills with my husband.  I had been handling the finances(with a LOT of help from God) for the last 7 years and for me to seek advice from my husband is hard.  So I presented him with the nuts and bolts of the problem and asked him what he would do.  We discussed it and laid out a game plan. 
    I'm trying to step back.  I have to give my husband room to grow, and most importantly I have to give the reins over to God. 

  • Sometimes our pride is used against us. When we choose to allow our pride to overcome us we allow the flesh to take control. Your steps here are the start of putting your pride in its place. Soon you will see how foolish pride can be.

    When we are open to see what these dares really mean, it is so much easier to see our own problems that have been apart of the situation we are in. It will be your testimony that will allow Christ to work on him as well....

  • Hi. I am new to this board, and I'm not sure if I'm using it correctly. I have a question about how to go about doing Day 15's dare.

    My husband left about a month ago. We've been married for 16 years. He doesn't want to work things out, but I don't believe there is anyone else involved. He lives about an hour away from my daughters and I. We don't have a lot of communication. The occasional text or sometimes phone call. He doesn't regularly come to visit the girls either. I have tired to be creative with the other dares, but there are a couple that I haven't been able to do yet. I don't know how to show him honor with him being so far away. We are not unfriendly to one another. Any suggestions?

  • As it says in the book- To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth.

    So in your texting or any sight or conversation just remember that. And when dealing with other people familiar with your situation, still honor him, no matter what they think or say... This is a good start.

  • Thank you Sean. I try to honor him always, anyhow. Especially to others, since he is not around. He is still my husband whether he wants to be or not. It is just so hard to complete the dares without him here and with such little contact. I actually have been doing these dares (though not in order) for the past couple of years.

  • Look at it this way...

    In reality, this is Christ molding you. This is Christ showing you not only how to have a relationship with your spouse, but with Christ himself. And Christ is not physically present in the flesh, but you can have a relationship with Him, and one that is completely fulfilling if you just trust Him.

    Like the dare of buying something small. Yes it is much easier to hand it to the person and see their reaction etc.. But because they are not there should not stop you from doing the dare. You can mail it with a note, or have it delivered whatever the case. That is you trusting Christ to work in that other person. And the best part is, when you find a way to do the dare without the way YOU really want to do it, then it becomes more of a blessing because you have trusted Christ and just did it.

    I am not saying every single dare will not have a road block. But you will see...

    For example. On the dinner one. My wife was out of town, and I knew there was a 99.9% chance that she would not accept dinner invitation. So, I trusted Christ to just do it and not even ask (I Knew she was stopping here on the way back), I just had everything ready. When she got here, she said she already ate, but..... She say for about 5 minutes and had a couple bites... Then she left.

  • Thank you Sean. You are right.. I do know that this experience is really about drawing me closer to Christ. I realize that when I get down and feel as though it's "impossible" to complete the dares that I am really not putting all of my trust in Christ. I did a lot of praying about it over the past couple of days and I did feel His answer on my heart. That He is made perfect in our weakness, and that I need to put all of my trust in him always. One of my favorite scriptures is Phillipians 4:13. I keep reminding myself, through all of this, that I can do ALL things through Christ - not some, but ALL things. And I can do nothing without him.

    It's funny that you would use the dinner dare as your example, because that is one that I put a star next to, with a note saying that I would have to complete it at another time. Well, I had texted him last night asking him to give me a call when he had some time so that I could update him on some things going on around here. (long story, but it has to do with my neighbor and it affects our youngest daughter.)  That was about 7:30 pm. He texted me back around 8:30 and said that he would be at his dad's house in a little while and we could talk then. It was just after 10pm, and I was praying about whether or not to send him a text to let him know that I was going to bed and that I'd talk to him in the morning, when he texted me and asked me to call his dad's house. He had a really rough day at work and was telling me about it. I listened and gave him words of encouragement and when he was done, I told him what was going on here.  A bit later in the conversation, he had mentioned that he hadn't eaten dinner yet. I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to invite him to dinner, so I did. We haven't picked a date for that yet, but I did tell him that I would make him his favorite dinner and we could visit and catch up on some things and he said he would like that. God is so good!

    One of my husband's bone of contentions with me has been my faith. He is not an atheist. He believes in God and was raised in the church, but he doesn't have a relationship with Him. I have prayed for many years for his salvation and for Christ to soften his heart. I will continue to pray about how God wants to use me in this situation. Early on in our marriage, I would testify to him, but that was not received well. So, I have tried to let my actions be a testimony. I am not perfect. This I know. I have certainly has many times in my marriage where I let selfishness take over. I have apologized to my husband and asked for forgiveness - to which he usually responds with, "I don't hold grudges." He has never actually told me that he has forgiven me, though. I realize that I can ask for forgiveness, but I cannot make him actually forgive me. He has always told me that I am a "nice person" and that he does love me, but that we are "too different" and that we have "different interests." I think that he is trying to nicely tell me that he is not "in love" with me anymore.

    Thank you for your thoughts on this, and keep us in your prayers.

  • Without Christ he never could love you. Maybe infatuation... Christ is love. And until I went through everything I did, I also did not know what love was...

    But one thing I have learned about anyone on this journey not matter how much or how little of a believer their spouse is. Christ made sure this journey landed in your hands for a reason. And while you do this journey, and if you can trust Christ  and put Him first, He will work on your spouse. Christ is preparing you. To be a testimony and be there for something that will come through. So, leave your husband completely to Christ in this journey. Depend on Him. And you will see the work He will do.

  • Thank you Sean. I know that I have to leave my husband completely in Christ's hands. I will admit that, at times, I do "take him back" from Christ. I need to stop doing that. I know that there will be blessings in this. I have seen some already. A childhood friend of mine has come to know Christ through all of this. I had been praying for her for years. She had been struggling because her father, who is older, is a Muslim. She had a hard time accepting Jesus as the only way. This has been a huge blessing. I recognize this, and I am very thankful for this.

    Thank you for your response. I will take it one day at a time, and depend on Christ fully each day. God Bless you.

  • Just remember... When you take control back you just get in his way...

  • Thank you. The Holy Spirit has a way of running interference when I do that... He knows my weaknesses and gives me the strength I need right when I need it. I am thankful!

  • Praise God!

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