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Re: Day 14 : a new low

Day 14 : a new low

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  • This is a hard one since we NEVER do anything together any more except fight. An occasional tense dinner, and hanging around with our son at which time we are doing nothing more than co-parenting completely independent of each other. We had a brief two minutes where she was able to tell me about what she had coming up in her day ahead. I listened with my undivided attention and that was the end of the "good" part of the day and as close as I think I'm going to get to completing the dare. I dropped our son off at school then when I stopped at a store, my phone started blowing up with texts. I have been working on my spending habits and using my debit card - leaves less to transfer to the joint account for bills, but it keeps it off the credit card. She was upset because I didn't say anything about this (because I didn't give it much thought) and apparently a check bounced, causing her to use her saving to pay part of the mortgage. This was a "very hurtful and irreparable thing to her " and she came to the conclusion in not so many words that I'm a deadbeat who is holding money from her. She and will find their own way. Before it escalated, I told her that I didn't want to fight, and that I would respect whatever solution she came up with. I followed up by saying that all I want is for her and our son to be happy, that I have failed, and that I don't deserve to be a part of that happiness. Haven't heard back since. I probably won't see her until tomorrow morning when she'll make sure I don't leave for work in a positive mood. 

    I don't know how I'm going to get through this period, let along the dare. The hate she has towards me is the worst hurt I've ever felt. Even when I validate what she's saying, she still attacks me. I have nobody to talk to. These past few weeks have been a nightmare that I'm afraid I'll never wake up from, except to find everything I love and care about gone. I'm scared of this angry vengeful person that's standing in for my wife. I think the only thing that will make her happy is if I disappear from her life completely. 

     

  • This is all apart of the journey. Christ cannot mold you under the good circumstances. He has tried in the past...

    Your spouse will get worse before better, remember they need to continue to justify their reasoning. And as your testimony grows, so will the venom. But there is a breaking point for them, just be patient in Christ and take the opportunity to be molded.

    Again, take some time and read my journals I am sure they will give you much insight.

  • I have been reading them - it is very helpful. Having a somewhat better day today - but probably because I'm at work until tomorrow morning. I'd rather not communicate at all rather than fight - I don't have anything left in me for it. Thank you for reading and responding!

  • Are you learning anything from them on how to proceed with this journey?

    I am always here

  • The lady who referred me to the Love Dare told me the same thing when I was ready to give up... She said I am going to hit rock bottom and once i give up the control and hand my problem over will things get better... I am on Day 14 too...

  • You must... Without that you continue to do things your way, and that's what got us all here in the first place.

  • My wife is exactly this way to me at the moment, the point of the dares is not to win her back but to prove you are better, both to God and yourself, then hopefully she will see it too.

  • everyone starts this dare for winning their spouse back. But then we see what Christ is truly doing.

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