Collaborate without boundaries

Re: Please Help

Please Help

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    So my wife said that she wanted to take the kids and I (rare that she would include me but I so needed it) to the movies.  I would normally watch sports on Sunday so I thought it was perfect for today’s dare.  She works nights so the kids and I waited with anticipation for her to awake so that we could all go.  When she woke, she informed me that she had decided that her and my 6-year-old daughter needed to spend quality alone time.  It hurt because I could not complete the dare but I understood.  I did find it odd though that my daughter kept asking why can't daddy come?  Then she kept forcing my daughter to go to a certain place.  When my wife returned 6 hours later my daughter explained that they had a great day with mom and the other man (who has his daughter for the summer).  Needless to say I was crushed.  I spoke to a couple we are close with who went through this only months ago and they felt the need to confront her because this was crossing a line.  My friend’s wife came back from that conversation with my wife convinced I should move on.  When I talked to my wife I made it clear that she cannot have my kid around men I don’t know. She said she understood but that it was nothing more than a play date for the kids.  She did say that she doesn’t want to be in any relationship because she doesn’t want to answer to anybody.  She also said that she felt I was smothering her and that this is over.  She said I should find someone else.  I told her that I could not do that because adultery is a sin.  She said that it is not a sin because she is over this and divorce is man’s law not God’s. I work 1 block from the other man and I am struggling with going over to have a conversation with him.  She says they are just friends and if I do she’s filling for divorce now instead of later (when she can afford to).  Can anybody explain this behavior?  Did my talk with my wife ruin my Love Dare? Should I talk with the other man?


    Please help

  • This is a tough situation Dan. But I always go back to the movie fireproof, if you hav won't watched it, do it now. Do it alone with no interruptions.

    However you have every Right.., actually it is your duty to protect your marriage. Now that does not mean you go beat the guy up. That means you seek Christ in doing so, that you are able to handle yourself in the situation...

    Focus 100% on Christ and your dares. Nothing more, nothing less.

    And if you do confront the other man, why would she file for divorce now if there is nothing there?

  • And I also need to point out. A writ of divorcement was given to Moses from God because of the hardening of our hearts (but from the beginning it was not so!). It is VERY specific on the reason and purpose check it out -

    God wants the Christian to take marriage very seriously.  Jesus said, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate," (Mark 10:9 -- see also 1 Cor. 7:10-11; Heb. 13:4.).2   But, because we live in an imperfect world, the Bible speaks about the circumstance of divorce.  Let's take a look.

    The Biblical Reasons For Divorce

    Adultery: Jesus said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery," (Matt. 19:9). The word in Greek for immorality is porneia from which we get the word pornography.  Sexual immorality, i.e., adultery, is a grounds for divorce according to Jesus.

    Abandonment: In addressing the issue of husband and wife, Paul said, "Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace," (1 Cor. 7:15).

    But the most important - read Matthew 19.....

  • Sean...When you say "if there is nothing there" do you mean if there is nothing between the other man and her or if there is nothing between her and I?

    I watched it again yesterday.  It helps to see a situation simular to mine.  I'm conflicted over confronting the other man.  I can't prove that he's done anything, or that he has returned my wife's interest. I'm going to turn this situation over to Christ.  I'm asking God to bring the truth to light.  If this is an emotional affair, make it clear to me and if it is nothing, help me keep the devil out of my thoughts.  Thanks for Matthew 19!

  • You mentioned she said there was nothing between her and him. But yet will divorce you if you say anything to him.

  • I see

  • How is it going?

  • It's hard.  I pray constantly for comfort, wisdom, and peace.  It only last for a short while.  At some point each day I get back in despair.  Or I will wake in the middle of the night angry or hurt.  How long will this last?  I'm so tired.  She's taking something from me that no one should be able to.  My self esteem.  

  • Christ wants you to be dependent on Him. So even if it is a hundred times a day, continue to commit the burden to Him every single time. Remember He is molding you in this journey..l

  • She takes your self esteeem because you let her, brother.  Put that on Christ, and let Him carry your load for you.

    With the other man, in my situation Christ provided the opportunity for me to express to him that I am standing for my marriage and will not stop. In fact, He provided two opportunities to me to say what I needed to, one with my wife present and the other without.  Seek only His will in the situation.  

    If the situation arises where you meet him, do not let your wife's threats influence what Christ is telling you to do, that is only her attempt to control your actions.

  • I will Sean. Thank You

  • Jason...Thank you.  I am praying for Christ to speak through me should the situation arise.  If you don't mind me asking, How did the OM react when you told him you were standing for your marriage?  

  • Christ will open the doors if you give up the control....

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