Collaborate without boundaries

Day 13: Mixed emotions

Day 13: Mixed emotions

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  • Today was Day 13 of the dare.  My wife and I have spent most of the weekend together attending family celebrations for my upcoming birthday.  Last night, we had dinner with my mother, my uncle, my aunt and my cousin.  All relatives who think very highly of my wife and who she adores.  Today we travelled together to my in-laws summer camp and spent the day with her mother, father, brother and grandmother.  All relatives that think highly of me who I also adore.  Funny how that worked out.

    I didn't feel as though an appropriate time presented itself to discuss today's dare with my wife.  She was conversational with me when prompted, but fairly standoffish for most of the day.  I think this weekend, particularly today, was hard for her.  I could tell that she was clearly uncomfortable spending time with her family (not so much mine though) given our current situation.  On top of it all, I know she wasn't feeling well today.

    So long story short, I didn't approach the topic with her.  Instead, in between moments of silence in the car today, I prepared a list of rules for myself.  They are:

    1.  I will listen before I speak.

    2.  I will not become irritable or lose my temper.

    3.  I will not raise my voice.

    4.  I will not attempt to control or manipulate the conversation.

    5.  I will not corner my wife.

    At some point I would like to share these rules with my wife.  I know at some point in the next week she plans to inform family members that she wants to separate.  I pray that before that occurs we are provided with an opportunity to discuss how we will do so, and perhaps I will be given an opportunity to share these rules.  If not, then I pray the Lord takes my hand and leads me in the right direction, as I accept that it's currently out of my control.

    I have been praying to the Lord and asking him to continue to humble me and mold me.  But at the same time I have also been praying strongly for him to work in my wife as he has been in me.  I know that she is a tool that he is using to shape me, so I have been asking him to use me in the same way to shape her.

    My wife grew up in a strong, close knit Christian household but I realized recently that her relationship with Christ may have become strained due to my influence on her.  If that is so, I am very ashamed.  I fear that due to my treatment and the unloving nature I created in our household her attitude towards him has changed.  So I pray everyday that he works in her as he has been working in me.  

    Typically, her father always prays over the meal.  Today wasn't a formal dinner so we all began eating at different times.  I was very happy to see, that prior to eating, my wife bowed her head and prayed.  It is not something I have seen her do alone in a long time.

    On another note...  I'm not sure if this means anything, but I feel the need to share.  I have the same birthday as my wife's brother (same age).  At one point her mother said, "30 years ago I would have never imagined that I would have had two sons born on the same day."  It was an incredibly touching, yet awkward and guilt-filled moment for me.  I simply responded, "Thank you" but I believe it was uncomfortable for my wife to hear as well.  It was great to feel loved, but at the same time, it was saddening to know that the statement more than likely caused the same mixed emotions and guilt in my wife.  If not more.

    Thank you all again for taking the time to hear me out.  The support of strangers is humbling.

  • Dan,

    One thing I need to point out The dares are there for a reason. One of those reasons is to make sure you trust Christ in everything, including the dares. By not doing the dares, you did it your way. You are taking control. Trust Christ and do the dares as they are intended when you get them. Granted, there will be dares that in no way shape or form can be done, but do not let it be because of your own thoughts....

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