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Re: my rules to fight fair...

my rules to fight fair...

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  • I did this dare alone because the last thing i wanted was to contend with my spouse on how we should fight.

    |As i read the teaching before the dare, i just told my self that I hope this has nothing to do with having to interact with my spouse... lo and behold, it was!

    i was not feeling this at all because i knew where it would end up, with me controlling things and also having to sit through words that i know my spouse will not live by.

    Thankfully, i had a chance of doing it alone and this is what i would like to do:

    * I will be patient

    *Quick to listen - this means that I need to count to 10 so that i do not interupt when he takes a break between sentences
    * Not think that my opinion on the matter is higher than his. This means that I have to determine in my heart that I am not better than him
    * I will not use the aftermath of a disagreement as a weapon. This means that Iwill not take advantage of his "willingness" to do good as a method of manipulation.
    *I will not provoke him to jealousy - this is not easy because he freely sleeps around and I am not even meant to speak to other men, even to say hello, he gets mad.
    *Take time out to process what is being said - this is hard because my spouse is full of stories and even though the aim here is to seek understanding, i am afraid that i will rationalise based on my perception, only to find out, as in times before that all he said was a fabrication.
    * Leave an issue till the next day when i see that he does not want to talk anymore - If i see that even the next day or opportunity to talk does not come up then I will commit the issue to prayer and ask the Lord to help me get passed the " i cant get passed this till we talk" rut that find my self in.
  • oh my goodness!

    So spouse decides to sleep out again last night.

    I come home and he is home with his freind.

    He tells me he is going to help his freind move out of his house.

    I get a call to say a family member has passed away.

    I decide to go over to the house where the family are meeting and my spouse says he will come by as soon as he helps his freind out. fine.

    Later that night, I call my spouse and tell him that I will spend the night with the family to keep them company. Their flight leaves at 6am so i will go to work from there.

    Spouse agrees and does come over to the house then tells me he is going home.

    I get home at 4am, after the people leave for the airport.

    Not what spouse was expecting and find that he is not home.

    He gets home around 10am,mean while, i called the office to say I wont be in.

    When he gets in, I ask where he was he said he went out.

    I said, why did you tell me on the phone that you were actually home?

    No anwer.

    I told him that this time around, what ever temptation isdrving him out this time around, he is not going to use me as an excuse because the person I was before, is not the person I am now.

    Then he tells me that the reason he is does it is because he is stressed that we can not have kids.

    This is nonsense because he never told me that he even went to the clinic, but all of a sudden that is the new reason.

    Asking why he never told me, he said that he is afraid of my reaction and so is driven to drink.

    I told him that this was not true becasue when he was having an affair, it was way before we went to see the doctor and he did not even tell me that he went to give a sample.

    Asked when he went, he can not say.

    Now, that I am not throwing his stuff out the door and smacking him over the head, he is using this as a reason to do what he is doing. Also , the i am scared of you shpeel!

    I was soooo irritated! The whole time I am  thinking of my fight fair rules and being patient was top because i would have shut him up ages ago.

    Goodness, he pulling out all the punches to keep justifying his life style.

    I asked whether he realises that this is something that affects us both and he can not make the choice of not taking the medication with out involving me, it was like talking to a wall.

    This really hurts, I mean of all the things that he can use, I am so disgusted by him.

    I called the doctor and he said that he was not aware of those results.

    I am not suprised coz my spouse is a story teller.

    I prayed and really told God how i feel and asked Him to show me how this dare is really between me and Him because i am not finding it fair that I am doing this with  one of the  hopes being  that the marriage will work out.

    With all of this, i do not want to do things that will involve having to go out for my spouse becuase he is not considering me at all.

    I do not want to stop the dare, i just need some help from God to help me with the hurts i am feeling.

    My spouse has always been a drunk fornicator, so why am

    I the one that has to do this for him?

    I dont want to do this dare for him, i dont want to do this dare with him in mind, i just want to do it for me and Christ. This man is putting my life at risk with the reckless choices that he is making and I need God to protect me from all that.

    He floats around the house like, "ive won" and it makes me sick.

    I do not miss the old me, but i dont like being used and abused emotionally and that is ALL that he does for me. HURT, EMBARASMENT AND RIDICULE.

    i need a break too, its not fair at all.

    i need as break too.

  • i asked in yesterdays post, how i can be one with some one like this?

    Here we were at a funeral, and he gives a speech of how we are all family, appologies for not being able to stay becuas he had work in the morning, only to go out and drink and play with women.

    I mean it is so scarey to be  with some one who is so crafty.

    Talk about following the heart, how can i be one with some one like this?

    how do you do this? what does one mean anyway?

    We are a seperate entity and that is the only truth right now.

    on the front, he shows like we are one,but the turth is tha we are not and i no it but he says that these are things no one has to know, it is between us and that if people knew they would use it to tear us apart.

    i tell him that its what we do together that matters and that we have to be real in private and in public. He disagrees! and i am meant to be one with someone like this?

  • Wow a lot of confusion in your life at the moment...

    The dare is a journey between you and Christ. Not hand your husband. However your husband is a tool that is used in molding you in Christ. Think about all the rejection and other things Christ went through to save you from sin. The punishment He went through. For you.. That's right you.

    Now, you need to commit the dares to prayer each day. Seek. Guidance and wisdom for them all... And at times you need to look at your marriage to see your relationship with Christ. Many time you will realize that the way your husband is to you, you are to Christ.

    While you are on this journey you really need to leave your husband to Christ. Let Him deal with your husband, there is nothing you can do. You are not Go d you cannot change Him. What you can do though is be a testimony always in what Christ has done in your life. And if you do, others including your husband will desire what you have.

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