I asked Chris to create a "peace plan" with me. we were supposed to
have done this before we were married. I've waited 4 days and no luck.
He said we would do it tonight. I will edit and include that if we do.
In the mean time here is my "fighting fair" rules 1) I will pray before engaging in a disagreement2) I will pick my timing (no more important discussions at work UNLESS it is an emergency3) I will not use the word divorce4) I will not ask him to leave unless I am dead set on a seperation5) I will ask for a time out if it is getting too heated.6) no physical violence at all7) no arguing on date night This
is our peace plan to start with. We have agreed to modify it as
needed. Yay! we got it done together and had a good evening together 1) We will pray before, during, and after a discussion.2) We will not use the word divorce.3) We commit to deal with conflict or agree upon a time to discuss conflict before going to sleep at night.4) No yelling in front of Amber, discussing is allowed.5) We will have our discussions at appropriate times; no more fighting during work.6) We will commit to better communication by using the XYZ statements, and Speaker Listener exercises. Overall
it was a very good night. I think talking a bit and doing this helped
bring us a bit together. It also didn't hurt that I made a dish he had
been requesting for a few days, and met him at the door with a smile and
a kiss. (trying to keep in mind the dares that came before) We had a few tense moments but worked through them with communication.
So now is the first one in the garbage and the second one is what is being used?
I see that both need to be used. I created my list for myself to fight fair, no matter what he did, so I will hold myself accountable to those standards. And since some of the same ones are duplicated in our list, we will have to hold each other accountable to our agreed upon list. It is also agreed that it will be a work in progress. If we need to add rules we will.
If you are not able to meet yours in the heat of the moment, do not let it get to you. There are a couple that may be hard to do. Like praying before engaging.
But one I do have to point out. is number 4. You are married. You are one. And you should never ask him to leave. If it is you that wants separation, that means you have set conditions on your love. It is not unconditional. With that said, if you are setting the conditions and want separation then it should be you that leaves not him.
I was wondering what the XYZ statements and Speaker Listener exercises were and where you got them. My husband says I don't listen. Maybe this can help me. Thanks.